The 2020 Martha Graham Cup – Round 19

Earl O’Neill is on some heavy duty opiates for his joint pain. The result is a psychedelic imagining of making footy telecasts more creative and captivating through interpretive dance. Come for the LSD trip (Luke, Sandy and Dwayne) and stay for how Round 19 scores might have shaken out in a better world.

The 2020 ‘Onya Liz’ Cup – Round 12

Earl O’Neill welcomes the bye in a long, hard (imaginary-Ed) AFL season. Round 12 brought some upsets and a cracking Queens Birthday match at the ‘G. Earl runs his eye over the resting teams and reckons Kenny from Camperdown will be taking in the Grand Annual from his back porch next season.

The 2020 Dave Flanagan Cup – Round 11

Earl O’Neill reflects on the life and times of Dave Flanagan and how his larrikin spirit inspired the growth of AFL across the country. Condolences to his wives, children, and spiritual and legal advisers. Round 11 results seem like an afterthought with the ladder leaders coming back to the pack in an (imaginary – Ed.) season full of surprises.

The 2020 Nicky Winmar Cup – Round 10

Earl stayed on for the Diggers and Dealers Convention in Kalgoorlie but was disappointed in the lack of old Anzacs or good ganja. (You couldn’t make this stuff up, unless you’re Earl – Ed.)

The 2020 Red Wine Cup – Round 9

Plenty of surprises in Earl O’Neill’s review of Round Nine in the (imagined) AFL season. Just when we thought the top teams were sorted, the Tigers turn into pussies and the Cats turn into Tigers. Did you hear the one about the Englishman who turned into a newsagency

The 2020 Ruth Gordon Cup – Round 8

Earl O’Neill dishes the dirt on the coach, the thief, his wife and his mother. Earl’s not naming names yet but players at home can put the pieces together. Breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day has never had such complicated overtones. Thankfully, Round 8 of the AFL delivered some terrific footy to distract us. (Imagine how feral an imaginary footy press would be about this particular imagined season – Ed).

The 2020 Sir Stirling Moss Cup – Round 5

Earl O’Neill surveys the weekend games from AFL Round 5 and mourns the loss of another sporting great. [Ed: Thanks for imagining what the season could have been like Earl!]
Trivia question – who finished runners up more times than Collingwood between 1958 and 1990?

The 2020 Viv Albertine Cup – Round 4

Earl O’Neill has waited all season for the footy to start. But the footy season already seems a bit predictable, with the top teams separating from the pack. Earl gives us the Round 4 results, but his heart and mind was in the top flight books that occupied his Easter.