The 2020 Martha Graham Cup – Round 19

Greetings Tipsters


Just when you think all is lost, that there can be no further progress in the art and craft of telecasting a football match, the assorted boffins and brainiacs come up with a brilliant new idea and drop it on us late in the season.


I refer, of course, to the interpretive dance commentary that debuted this weekend. Genius conception, awesome execution.


Bruce opened with a finger puppet history of Australian Football, soundtracked by new recordings of nineteenth century bush ballads. I was particularly taken by “Now we up and take possession of the old bullock dray” in the tale of the Geelong team’s escape from a violent mob after a withering victory in Melbourne in 1874.


Come the Twentieth Century and Dennis joined in from poolside. Then, oh lord, it was beautiful, commentators in coloured costumes, Jude in red and white, Matthew in yellow and black, and so forth, a wonderfully edited music track of the Hit Parade for every decade of the Twentieth Century. It was a fantastically beautiful fifteen minutes.


Still, it’s one thing to get the gist after weeks of preparation and rehearsal, how would it stack up under the white heat of live performance? Frinite, Sharks hosting Mayblooms…


Kane, arrayed in black and white with a teal blue cape, and Jason, in a brown and gold lairy suit featuring enormous lapels, performed a pre-match analysis in the carpark to Shostakovich’ Symphony 7. Impressive. For the game, they moved to the boundary opposite the interchange and it really took off. Ably assisted by the kids from Miss Napier’s School Of Modern Dance and the dischordant clangs of The Brokenmouth Guitar Orchestra, Kane and Jason leaped, twirled, fell, grappled, telecast on a square in the upper right corner of the telly.


Halftime, with Port up 9 goals to 4, the recap took on enormous significance and featured some genuine aggro, proving the old dictum that a small fast bloke will slow down but a big slow bloke will never shrink.


Special comments were outsourced to Miss Napier’s U/19 Jazz’n’Tap Ballet Troupe, winners of the Winter Regional Championships three years running, conducted and choreographed live by Leigh in a remarkably subtle and intuitive piece of work. Satmorn, he did his shoulder again, digging out a stump in Miss Napier’s backyard.


The post match ‘discussion’, performed to one of Phillip Glass’ more eccentric compositions, was a masterpiece. Kane and Jason had really gotten into their roles by then, “they were goin’ off!”, joined by Luke in 1960s goal umpire kit shot through w psychedelic thread, the teenagers in the OB van found their rhythm and live cut 3D match action around the silent commentators.


Tipsters, we have seen the future. Port Adelaide 14.7.91, Hawthorn 9.12.66


The Wiggles clicked back into gear at the MCG. A season that began redolent of hope for da Blues has become one of those plangent minor key descending riffs on an old accoustic guitar. West Coast 18.12.150, Carlton 10.13.73


Shinboners are tiring, too much work, not enough goals, even in chilly Hobart the Schoolies, sporting more long sleeves than I’ve seen in many a year, ran all over them. Gold Coast 13.8.86, North Melbourne 8.10.58


Down at ol’ Kardinia Park, the oldest clubs in the League and among oldest in the world, shone a light on the future with Cameron and Jeff’s wonderfully balletic dance commentary accompanied by an improvisational soundtrack performed by the hometown’s noisiest rock and roll legends. Geelong 15.11.101, Melbourne 11.11.77


It was a tense eve at the Showground, perhaps the hard fought win the Monaros needed. Greater Western Sydney 12.14.86, Sydney 10.12.72


Down at the Terrordome, the Bumblers kicked an awful lot of flashy behinds in the last term. Essendon 11.14.80, Adelaide 10.8.68


Steadfast and doughty, this was a terrible match to watch. Richmond 12.10.82, Footscray 11.14.80


Saints are good at kicking goals but Lions are better, especially at home. Brisbane 17.10.112, St Kilda 13.9.87


Nathan stopped by the Cigar Club when he got home. Fremantle 11.14.80, Collingwood 8.8.56


Cheers Tipsters


P&C, A Stop Privatisation Of Football Production, a division of Trans-Dementia Inc.
Brought to you with the assistance of Bob Wills And His Texas Playboys



Ri 1632 1450 112.55 56
GW 1618 1389 116.49 50
WC 1734 1434 120.92 48
Br 1718 1456 117.99 48
Ge 1632 1452 112.40 44
Co 1512 1436 105.29 40
Fo 1471 1469 100.14 40
PA 1499 1456 102.95 36
SK 1519 1505 100.93 36
NM 1407 1413 99.58 36
Sy 1492 1466 101.77 32
Me 1452 1486 97.71 32
GC 1435 1560 91.99 28
Fr 1337 1487 89.91 28
Es 1278 1525 83.80 24
Ha 1292 1591 81.21 24
Ad 1343 1604 83.73 20
Ca 1380 1666 82.83 16






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About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. John Butler says

    Earl, can I have some of what you’re having?

    Enjoyed this. And really, could Channel 7 do any worse?


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