Round 6 – Collingwood v Hawthorn: Give Clarko the Whistle.

When exiting the car park afterwards is the highlight of the night, there might have been a problem with the game. Dan Hansen would have preferred Clarko to have actually been umpiring, rather than dictating the Hawks’ strategy.

Round 21 – Port Adelaide v West Coast: Ergo, therefore, consequently, accordingly and that’s all folks

A short but not-so-sweet report from Dan Hansen as he captures in a few lines the feeling of seeing Port’s season slipping away.

Round 23 – Sydney v Carlton: A Cameo of Twenty-One

Buddy Franklin stole the show against the Blues with an outstanding 10 goal performance.

Round 5 – Sydney v GWS: Did I just hear John Longmire yelp?

Hot off the heels of a thrilling Paw Patrol show, Dan Hansen introduced a Frenchman to the wonderful world of AFL, some interesting Aussie rules and a star player named Lance ‘Buddy’ Francois.

Round 1 – Sydney v Port Adelaide: Every absurdity has a champion to defend it

Dan Hansen enjoyed banter with a delusional Swans fan, a few beers and an impressive Port Adelaide team effort to win against the Grand Finalists.

Round 19 – Melbourne v Gold Coast: The Curse of Barry Manilow

Dan ‘Handbag’ Hansen became increasingly involved in the Dee-Suns game the further it went on and, as Tom Lynch went back to take his shot to win the game, he was reminded of the best ways a man on the mark can put the kicker off. [Classic! JTH]

Round 3 – Port Adelaide v Essendon: The peloton’s caught up.

Handbag Hansen is pleased with the Port win but believes that, because sides have worked Port out, Ken Hinkley has had to change things around.

AFL Round 20 – Port Adelaide v Greater Western Sydney: The Cap’s Off

Dan Hansen settles back to celebrate. Not just a Port Adelaide win, but the arrival of Dexter Dan Hansen into the world. (Congrats from all Almanackers. Well played Mrs H – Ed)

Round 17 Essendon v Port Adelaide: The season’s not over yet.

As Dan Hansen watches Port take the points over Essendon, he remembers a time when a lot of folk thought the season was over for Adelaide Uni Blacks Soothsayers in the 1989 South Australian Ammos season and wonders if all is not lost for Port in 2015.

Round 8 – GWS v Adelaide: Benno’s AFL debut

Benno the Sturt supporting son of the Almanac meteorologist, aged four, chooses birthplace over birthright as he decides which AFL team to barrack for.

Round 6 – GWS v Hawthorn: It is not a bacon tree

Dan Hansen on the Giants stirring win against the reigning premier. Finally back at Homebush, the GWS reward the faithful by showcasing the fruits of their development. Now with added Clarko-baiting.

Round 5 – Adelaide v Port Adelaide: Run Franky Run

Handbag Hansen was in his natural habitat – the Royal Exhibition Hotel in Sydney – to see the Showdown, which reminded him of Old Mate Franky.

AFL Semi Final- Fremantle v Port Adelaide: Putting a lid on Bob Neil No.3

Dan Hansen calls for a roof to be built over Bob Neil No.3 Oval (AKA the Adelaide Oval) while enjoying the Power’s Semi Final win at the Royal Exhibition Hotel with the NSW Port supporters group.

AFL Round 14- Port Adelaide v Western Bulldogs: Schulz to King One, Checkmate

Grab yourself a glass of Mataro and settle in as Port Power man Dan Hansen takes us back to Round 14 for a Schulz inspired win over the Bulldogs, as well as taking us right back to the mid 80’s on a mid-season Adelaide Uni Chess, ahem, Football Club winery trip.

AFL Elimination Final – Port Adelaide v Richmond: After 3,942 days

Dan Hansen thanks Troy Chaplin for finally contributing to a Port Adelaide win. He thinks the prison bars guernsey gives ordinary men superhuman powers.

AFL Round 22 – Port Adelaide v Carlton: Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed Something Teal … Again.

Dan Hansen and the NSW Port Supporters Group (now there’s a name for a band) journeyed to Fiji and a wedding to see their team triumph over a Carlton team that was also on holidays.

AFL Round 21 – Gold Coast v Port Adelaide: All hail the Ranga Prince of Alberton

Dan Hansen dishes out the praise for his club who chose to use a high draft pick to take a ruckman, and watches as that man Lobbe dominates in atrocious Carrara conditions.

AFL Round 18 – Port Adelaide v Melbourne: Triple fun in Sydney Town

Handbag Hansen is invited to three functions on the one afternoon. Lucky they’re all at the same venue. And Port fall over the line.

AFL Round 8 – Port Adelaide v Fremantle: Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut Beat Age and Guile

Amazing! The Sydney Uni old boys game looks exactly like the game from the Adelaide Oval and, in both cases, youth runs over the top of age and guile. [With apologies to PJ O’Rourke]

AFL Round 7 – GWS v Port Adelaide: Magic Happens

Dan Hansen ventures to Canberra, that weird in-between of footy and rugby, to see the Giants and the Power. “We all agree, Robbie Gray is Magic!”