The Wrap – Round XV



And what week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  Around at Punt Road The Tiges did what had to be done.  Sadly they parted company with Daniel Connors.  SOTG and TLSPRF will agree, a promising career at the crossroads, in tatters possibly.  However, as any surgeon will tell you, sometimes you have to cutaway the ailing parts to keep the body healthy.  Daniel’s story is a serious one.  It reached the public because of his involvement in football.  After five years and heaps of counselling he has fallen through the cracks.  You have to ask yourself how many confused young men & women don’t even get the opportunity Daniel had.  It’s not a happy time for anyone at Punt Road.

And it’s that time of the year again.  Anyone possum watching after midnight along Royal Parade will have heard the early sounds of Spring.  Those eerie chords of the Coaches Carousel.  From the stately Robert Heatley to the gaping maw of The Legends Stand, across the turf, so bloodied in the GF of 1945, home to Bluebaggers, Mayblooms, Roy Boys & Doggies, the chilling dirge finds its way into the very bones of those it seeks.

Wondering why we haven’t heard much from Jellymont House?  Us too.  We drove past there the other day.  The nature strip could do with a bit of a mow, and the pittosporum seeds were all over the driveway.  Got talking to the newsagent.  They’ve stopped the paper for over six weeks.  Apparently the Ayatollah has packed his bags for the Winter and cleared out to warmer climes.  Said something about catching the second most important sporting event in the world.  But it would have to make you think wouldn’t it?  Why are we shelling out two mill plus for a CEO who isn’t here for nearly a quarter of the season?  Give it some thought next time you part with $7 of your hard earned for a medium size box of chips.

Le Tour is making the headlines for all the wrong reasons.  That’s right Lance, we’re talking about you.  Meanwhile, over in Belgique, Cadel sits back in the peloton waiting to make his move.  Go you Aussie Good Thing.  Put a gap in ‘em.  You too Casey.  Go out with another title.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be around and seen in Round XIV

The Right Royal Parade Miseries v The Mighty Magpie Machine at The Peoples Ground tonight.  The Schadenfreude continues.  (Along with the déjà vu – Ed).  Like an old lion surrounded by hyenas & jackals, The Poor Old Miseries sink defiantly to their haunches.  Teeth bared, a murmured rumble of defiance.  It’s not a pretty sight.  The question is; has the Bluebeast got one last fight in its heart?  The Bagmen think not, but who are they to know?  The heartless pariahs, the stealers of souls.  The Pundits – from Hunland to the Wise Scribes of The Sage are unanimous – give The Silvertails as much chance as a slater in a henhouse.  Across the Football World M&S party invitations have been gleefully accepted by those deprived souls unable to secure tickets for the event.  Should we here, deep in the Wrapcave, take a different slant on the contest?  Honestly, we’d like to, and against some of the second rung teams like Essendon, West Coast & Adelaide, maybe we could offer a glimmer of hope, a slight chance of redemption.  But against The White Hot Pies?  No way.  Besides, the Football Gods have spoken.  Do not take your Premiership Aspirations in vain.  Retribution awaits all who claim to be coming, then don’t deliver.  Carlton will put up a fight, but they’ll receive no mercy from The Crack Figjam Brigade.  Carringbush.

North Melbourne v West Coast, on Saturday down at Blundstone Arena for an early start.  Look, The Shinboners gave us a good run last week, and on their day they’re a formidable combination.  Can they keep the momentum going?  Here in the Wrapcave we believe they can.  Will it be enough to beat 3rd placed West Coast?  Again it’s in the affirmative.  The Weagles have shown signs of jetlag flying into the sun over the last few weeks.  This time they have to chuck a righty at Tulla and head towards The Pole.  True, they’ve got a truckload of talent, but The Norsemen have re-discovered their Self Belief.  And for the 2nd week in a row, Gasometer Girl is The Wrap Roughie of The Week.

The Tigers of Old v The Fuchsias, tomorrow on The Paddock That Grew at the traditional time.  A seismic event shook the trophy cabinet at Punt Road during the week.  The terramoto also left the team sheet in tatters.  But when you look at it, the only real damage has been the loss of King & Grimes.  The backline’s pretty much intact, it’s just their inability to manufacture goals that has let The Tigers down this season.  Wasn’t it Tommy Hafey who said that if you score more goals than the other side you’d win more games than you lost?  And really, Watts & Frawley, flanked by McDonald, Grimes, Nicholson & Rivers present a formidable barricade.  The Tiges, without King depend heavily on Jumping Jack to open up the attack.  Worryingly for TLSPRF, the Melbourne # 8 has had the wood on the Richmond # 8 over their last few meetings.  At the other end, The Redlegs don’t look any more dangerous, so we’re suggesting it will come down to the midfield.  And with Matty White providing electrifying pace, and Cotchin, Tuck & Griggs providing the grunt, we’re sticking with The Visitors in this Battle of The Co-tenants.  Having said that, the $5.30 on offer looks exceedingly juicy.  It’s going to be a close game, and The Tiges have something to prove, but if you can offset the outlay against something more solid, you’d have to be tempted, wouldn’t you?

The Bloods v The Maroons beneath the Dougie Walters Stand for Saturday’s twilight game.  The Lions have been showing a bit of form lately, and they’ll be buoyed by the knuckle draggers’ State of Origin result.  However, The Swannes are playing equally Inspired Football.  GTWTCO, and four & six point wins over Essendon & Geelong stamp Steak & Kidney as a good side.  The Lions have lost last weekend’s goal kicking hero Aysh McGrath as well as Golbey & Polec.  Big Bad Jonathon Brown is their match winner, but we’re pretty sure the little Boy From Xavier College – the one Sheedy let go – will minimize his impact.  Good to see Raines on the ball.  What would Richmond give to have him lined up with Tuck, Cotchin & The Mullet?  The Lakers for ours, and at $1.17 you’d have to consider them for the tobacco money at least.

The Sainters v The Bombers under cover for the free to air game on Saturday night.  The Culture Club have done nothing since they jumped The Swans back in Round IX.  True, they beat up on The Metermaids & drew with The Bye, but they’re starting to look a bit shabby for ours.  They look positively threadbare without Goddard.  The Dons have also lost one of their prime movers to the Star Chamber.  But even with Crameri sitting this one out This Marshmallows will put The Feeling Faints to the coals.  They’ve only been pipped three times, and each loss was by narrow margins: 1, 6 & 4 points in fact.  True, one was against the Cellar Dwellers Melbourne, but that has proved to be an aberration.  And if you had to pinch yourself when you saw $1.38 beside their name, move quickly before The Bagman realize their clerk has made an error.  This is as good as Flight Centre.  Get on it.

The Power From Port v The Pride of South Australia in the Shadows of Mt Lofty on Saturday night.  The Chardonnays – courtesy once more of the Star Chamber – will miss their Spearhead.  But not half as much as The Chokers will miss theirs.  The Crows pulled one out of the fire last week, and will be full of Self Belief.  However, The Tealers always serve up plenty of True Port Adelaide Tradition to The Free Settlers, so expect some fireworks.  We’ll stick with the Visitors, but they’re not worth the miserly $1.25 The Bagmen have on the board.

The Mighty Fighting Hawks v The Big Big Sound ?From The West Of The Town at THOF on Sunday.  Parental Guidance recommended.  The Mayblooms.

The Abletts v The Handbaggers.  The Ablett-Geelong family reunion will take place at the Metricon on Sunday.  The shindig gets underway around that 3pm mark.  Bring a plate.  Electric BBQs on site.  Bar opens at 4pm.  Anyone under 12 and over 65 will be admitted free.  Are you kidding?  This is the Channel Sept match of the day.  The Moggies.

The Barry Crockers v The Western Chihuahuas, over on the balmy shores at twilight.  The Pieman & his mates have got The Stevedores out at $1.22. .  If this isn’t an aberration, pile as much on it as they’ll let you take.  As disappointing as Freo have been this season, The Sons of The West have been more so.  Last season it was kennel cough.  This year it’s heartworm.  If distemper ever sets in, it could prove fatal.  Who knows what’s going through the mind of the Great Helmsman on his overseas sojourn.  He may come back inspired, Heaven forbid.  Of The Sage Pundits only Bob Murphy and the Village Idiot have tipped The Pomeranians.  Neither is playing.  And the troubled Dual Brownlow Medallist Adam Cooney has been rested to recover from soreness.  (Isn’t that what laid Brian Lake low all of last season?  There seems to be a bit of it going round out there at Whitten Oval – Ed)  Sorry Doggies, but Footscray have no form, no desire, and no hope.  At home, in front of The Knowledgeable Fremantle Faithful, The Dockers Are Gunna To Rock ‘em, They’re Gunna To Roll ‘em.  They’re Gunna To Send ‘em To The Bottom.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. “Do not take your Premiership Aspirations in vain. Retribution awaits all who claim to be coming, then don’t deliver.” Very prescient Mr Wrap. Had you applied it prospectively and not just retrospectively, you would have found a nice priced winner last night.
    Watching the more interesting sport last night (RFederer and CEvans) I was struck by how long sporting contests go through their stages. As Frank Schleck sat in a ditch among the wreckage of broken bikes, cursing his misfortune and a years toil gone to waste, I thought “you can’t win a premiership in June/July, but you can certainly lose it – or position yourself for the August/September thrust”.
    CEvans and RFederer are one out one back with a lap full, coming to the bell. Go you good things.
    AFL – the answer’s a pineapple.

  2. The Wrap says

    Funny game football. Who would have thought? That they had it in them. And as for their opponents on the night – is this an early outbreak of the dreaded Colleywobbles?

    My heart’s always in my mouth when it comes to CEvans. So many DCheats he’s having to compete against.

    How do you fancy The Weagles chances down there in Hobart Town PB?.

  3. GTWTCO !!!###***!!!###***

  4. The Wrap says

    You tinny b*****ds. Poor old Shinboners. But then again – GTWTCO Peter.

  5. I’m confused by all your acronyms. Is WRAP a Worried Richmond APologist?

  6. People are dying while waiting for surgery in Tasmanian hospitals but they can watch the government sponsored football from Bellerive on their tellys as they do, if they can afford the high carbon electricity that our government imports as a contra for our cheaper clean green stuff we send to Queensland to power their airconditioners.

    Stuff Horbart football.

  7. Feeling Faints must be feeling fantastic at the moment.

  8. The Wrap says

    They can do their own apologising after Saturday’s lamentable effort Peter. I’ll drop you a few clues.

    Spoken like a true Son of The North Phanto.

  9. Andrew Starkie says

    The damn Big Cox!

    The pain is still acute.

    Missed chances in term 2 cost us. Should’ve capitalised on dominance more. Their goal after the halftime siren was ominous.

    Bring on Blues!

  10. The Wrap says

    All Big Cox should be banned.

    Big big game on Friday. Let’s hope the Gasometer is rocking.

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