The Wrap – Round XIV


And what a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  On Friday night The Paid Up Proud & Passionate read the last rights over The Royal Parade Miseries.  Come Saturday and it was The Maggies who similarly sent the Dockers Down Below.  The Tigers of Old coughed up a seven-goal 2nd stanza lead to go down by 19 points.  The Eagles proved West is best by kicking the Sweep and holding The Gold Coast to a losing score that was only surpassed by their fellow expansionists.  To top off Saturn’s Day, The Bombers blitzed a lamentable Footscray.

Come Sunday and the Sydney Rivalry Clash of The Titans ended up with GWS kicking the massive total of 38 points for the day.  The Handbags got all wet, but carried home the Four Points and a shade of percentage to remain September savvy.  The Pride mauled Melbourne at The Gabbatoir, and North uncorked another barrel of the Magic Elixir to replace St Seaford in The Eight.

As a point of interest, the combined scores of GCFC & GWS – 78 points – matched Fremantle’s and exceeded only The Free Falling Footscray and The Tealers playing in the wet and cold of Corio Oval against TRP.  Would we be alone in observing that Match-ups as lopsided as this are bringing The Code into disrespect?

There’re a few household names heading for the Star Chamber on Tuesday night.  Brendan Goddard is one of them.  SOTG may have noticed a bit of fire in the belly of the Gasometer on Sunday.  No more Mr Nice Guy Coach Christopher?  Another who should be tossing and turning is, until he has his say in court, is Hawthorn’s Guerra.  No SOTG worthy of the designation will deny it was deliberate.  He lined up his target and flew right past the ball.  But it was a fair bump?  And let’s face it, the Rt Hon Edwards Betts is not only a superb football, but could tread the boards with the best of them; Sir Lawrence Oliver, Richard Burton & Barney Rubble not withstanding.  Let’s face it.  There was no malice in it.  Sure, it was a good hit, but if they take that out of The Game, what’s left?  Australian Rules Football is a collision sport.  It’s in The Rules.

Le Tour is underway and Cadel is up there with the leaders – 8th overall and   spotting the highly fancied Bradley Wiggins 10 seconds.  Long long way to go yet.  Go you Aussie Good Thing.  Put a gap in ‘em.

But enough of my persiflage, let’s see who was out and seen in Round XIV.

The Right Royal Parade Miseries v The Mighty Fighting Hawks.  There’s no truth in the rumour, as plausible as it sounds, that, due to the icy Winter, they’re going to cancel the ritual flag raising along La Via Lygon.  And that the banner will remain constantly at halfmast till the end of August.  Sitting just outside The Eight by a narrow percentage advantage over the traditional owners of Glorious Ninth, the Silvertails face Traditional Rival Collingwood next Friday night.  After a couple of late rallies in their previous two outings against quality opposition, this was the one from which The Rattzbaggers were expected to launch their counter attack.  With Blues Brothers around Melbourne finding excuses to shirk the cold of a Bleak City Friday night, and the Heat of Battle, is it any wonder The Only Team All Carlton Knows did the same.  The Princes Park List would have more friends on Facebook than at the ground on Friday.  Which some SOTG feel may be a contributing factor to the lack of intensity from The Team That Never Lets You Down.  Think about it; if you were paying someone somewhere between a quarter & half a mill, wouldn’t you feel warranted to ask for a total commitment to the task in hand.  Which is not big mouthing & big noting on a public notice board.  A public notice that has about as much credibility as the back of a lavatory door.  Just a less restricted exposure.  But what does the outcome say about The Pre-season Premiership Favourites?  Taking it one week at a time, they appear to be building pressure on The Competition.  With percentage likely to determine a home final, The Mustard Pots have a chance to build on their already impressive for and against ratio, and to teach The GWS Experiment some family values next Sunday on The Paddock That Grew.

Collingwood v Fremantle.  Collingwood won this one comfortably on the scoreboard, but inclement weather not withstanding; they found it difficult to blow away The Opposition.  Whether this speaks more of Ross Lyon’s defensive coaching or Carringbush’s forward structure it’s hard to say.  For the record, The Pies had 32 scoring shots to 18 yet only won with a final score differential of 3-9.  Maybe the nine behinds should tell us something.  It’s not an unknown failing at the Lexus Centre.  BKIBF remember.  Next Friday night they have another Pretender: Carlton at THOF.  Freo get some respite when they host The Dishlickers to close off Round XV.

The Pride of South Australia v The Tigers of Old.  This was indeed The Tigers of Old.  By turning victory into defeat, they consolidated the view that Glorious Ninth is all Struggletown is ready for in 2012.  Coach Sando swapped Ruttens for Talia on Jumping Jack at quarter time, and although Talia only had six touches for the remainder of the contest, Jack only had four and was isolated as an attacking force after kicking three in Richmond’s Opening Stanza 8-3 blitz.  A blitz that could have easily been 10-1.  The other attacking force that was shut down was The Press-up King.  Jake succumbed to injury and was replaced before the long break by Daniel Connors.  Sadly for The Tiges, Daniel was unable to reproduce the form that helped get Richmond over the line against Sheedy’s Shenanigans at their last outing.  But full marks to The Chardonnays.  They came back hard at The Tiges.  Who, with such a buffer, kept up the attacking football that had them seven goals up at one stage in the second term.  Then, as the scoreboard pressure built, they tried to defend a dwindling lead.  All at sea, and with the Rabid Adelaide Mob in full throat, The Tiges failed to regain the lead once forfeited, and The Pride of South Australia finished strongly to score a Famous Victory.  The RAM also had plenty to say about some of the umpiring.  We only had audio in the Wraproom, so it’s hard to say how justified they were in booing McInerney, Nicholls & Ryan, although the commentators pointed out that one official in particular seemed to be the focus of the RAM’s attention.  And they didn’t give the three Beitzel Medal votes to McInerney for a change.  However, they did say it was a tough call.  Next round, Richmond have The Co-tenants at the traditional time.  The Free Settlers have The Power From Port on Saturday night.

The West Coast v The Gold Cost.  Move along please.  There’s nothing to see here.

The Bombers v The Bulldogs.  Kicking sand in the face of seven stone weaklings is a specialty of the house out on Whingy Hill.  And they served it up with gusto on Saturday night.  They won everything except the frees against and while not looking tremendously sharp, you can only play as well as your opposition makes you play.  The Bombers are cruising nicely in third and have The Feeling Faints OTR for next Saturday night’s live to air fixture.  The Doggies on the other hand have to cross the Nullarbor to face Freo – also OTR.  Sadly, The Sons of The West have lost that Bulldog Spirit.  There’s no roar, no bark, and certainly no bite.  So lamentable where they, they even had Essendon showing them mercy on Saturday night.  The forty thousand Red&Black Crazed Faithful at the venue were lapping it up, but the viewing public turned off in their droves.  We have it on very good authority that the wall mounted flat screen at home entertainment centre at the Downright’s oceanic retreat was showing re-runs of Big Brother.  When the Graham Norton Show outrates what is supposed to be, if not the feature match of the round, at least a contest at worst, and an example of OGG at best, it’s time the Appalling Football League and the people who have stumped up $1.24b did something about a) the fixture, and b) the live to air scheduling.  There is no doubt in anyone’s mind; Saturday night’s display brought The Game into disrepute.

The Vaucluse Swanees  v The Greater Western Cuckoo Shrike Tits.  It shouldn’t come as a surprize to hear that The Tits lost.  That 22,565 turned up to witness the massacre that was embodied in that loss should.  That’s not a bad number, we would have thought, for a no contest, no brainer.  The Bloods are back on The Cricket Ground for their next Saturday night dance when they invite The Maroons down for some interstate rivalry.  For The Penrith Pygmies, the journey doesn’t get any easier.  The Pre-season Premiership Favourites on The Hallowed Turf next Sunday for an early start.

The Bangkok Pradas v The Tealers.  Hands up those who want to go back to Suburban Football?  Thought so; about as many Berliners who want the wall back.  It was a shocking day for Footy, which may explain why only 13,736 Sleepy Hollow Faithful slickered themselves up to withstand the elements.  The Choker faithful apparently didn’t bother to leave Alberton.  The long-running renovations have taken out some capacity too.  Some are blaming the GFC.  And while it’s unthinkable that the other GFC – the Geelong Football Club – and their fading fortunes, could have anything to do with the drop off in home match attendance, Balmie & the lads will want the new stand commissioned soon; at least before the de-sal plant..  Those lifting spuds at Gordon or Killarney may have thought they had the tougher job, nevertheless, The Moggies did what had to be done, and they did it in their usual workmanlike fashion.  They get some respite from the lashing rain next Sunday when they slip up to see why Gazza chose to train on the Gold Coast rather than Corio Bay.  The Tealers slip back to the City of Light to serve up some True Port Adelaide Tradition to the Pride of South Australia on the Saturday night.

The Brisbane Lions v The Fuchsia.  Any rumours of a Redleg Recovery have proved to be ill-founded.  But what can an undermanned, under skilled, undetermined side do when Jonathon Brown hits his straps?  And that’s what they did.  Hardly a heart beat, let alone Beating True.  The Dees have Richmond OTR next round, at the traditional time at the traditional ground.  Boss Voss has The Bears coming out of hibernation.  They’ve won four of their last six, and while three of their wins have been against Cellar Dwellers, one was against The Highly Fancied West Coast.  A trip to the Gabbatoir is once more a right of passage.  They test themselves next Steak & Kidney next Saturday night down there.

The Feeling Faints v The Shinboners.  Don’t like to brag, but did anyone notice?  No red above.  All The Wrap’s little lambs came home.  And with apologies to all those LSJOF, Nurelle’s just back from Centrebet with the collect on The Shinboners.  We’re having a bit of spread at lunchtime.  If any of you can get around, you’re welcome.  Just bring your St Seaford membership ticket with you for free admission.  This was a match both sides needed to win.  That North won it emphatically, after trailing by five straight kicks in the 2nd quarter, says a lot about their newfound Self Belief.  It may be a late run, but it’s a withering run.  They drag The Weagles down to Blundstone Arena to partake of the pleasures of Hobart Town next Saturday arvo.  The Junction Oval Seagulls face not only the 2012 abyss, but they have Traditional Rival Essendon on the Shifting Sands of Docklands next Saturday night.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Andrew Else says

    If you want to take pots at the fixturing/TV schedule Wrapster, maybe aim your guns at The Blues before The Dons. The Royal Park mob getting three consecutive Friday nights is proof that a floating fixture should be brought in. The thought of this bottom-10 side popping up in my lounge room on the next two Fridays makes me ill. Thankfully we’ll then be rolling into Cats/Dons and Dons/Hawks, both in front of 50k under the roof and the world will be right again.

    PS. Name another game from this weekend which you would’ve preferred to see in BT’s timeslot??

    PPS. I’m sure if it had’ve been The Cats dismantling The Dogs we’d all be talking about what a marvellous exhibition it was and how the Corio Kids are the panacea to all of Australian Football’s ills!

  2. Wrapster,

    Auntie Urmgard, Uncle Richard and Uncle Heinz (all Berliners in their nineties) want the wall back up so they would probably like suburban footy as well.

    And I hope you have the message; start kow towing to the Bombers in your Wrap: or Else.

    PS. My Tiger supporting brother must have lost his phone. Should I report him as a missing person to the local constabulary.

  3. Fair cop, Mr Wrap. “Move along please. There’s nothing to see here.” Would have sufficed as your summary of the entire round.
    The Avenging Eagle was so disappointed in the standard of evening entertainment that she had an early night. I consoled myself with the SBS Saturday night movie. The Tits won.

  4. Twits, PB?

  5. The Wrap says

    True, watching The Blues get their fair whack every Friday night might drain the credibility of the fixture, but to change it would draw the ire of the multitude M&S aficionados who get their kicks from watching The Silvertails being smacked around the park. It’s just so hard to please everyone. And BT’s timeslot? St Kilda v North would have been a ripper. Unfashionable Underdog getting up is always Good Fpr Football.

    Just a quick one Phanto, which side of the Wall were Auntie Umgard, Uncles Richard & Heinz on? And Brer Royce is sure to turn up after The Tiges pull themselves up to 7&7 and back into contention next weekend.

    Yeah, it was a pretty predictable Round Peter. Although you must admit The Shinboners pulled the wool over The Bagmen’s eyes. BTW, you can go blind watching too much Saturday night SBS. I generally call it a night after Rockwhiz.

  6. Andrew Starkie says

    never doubted us. go rooboys!!

  7. They were on the side of truth and justice Wrapster.

  8. Roos are showing a bit Andrew.

  9. Andrew Starkie says

    As I said, 300 point loss to Hawks – aberration.

    But seriously, going well at the moment. Trying to keep lid on.

    Coach has survived first crisis.

  10. Andrew, perhaps you should just repost your “It’s a simple game” article from earlier in the year. It’s just as relevant after the last couple of wins.

    So happy I didn’t pull the pin on going yesterday after all.

  11. Andrew

    Even I am tempted to give next Friday night a miss, as it’s likely to just be a re-run of last Friday night.

  12. Andrew Starkie says

    Yes, Rob. It’s a funny game, also.

    Love the positive approach. Lots of handball , although probably a bit too much in the first term. Also like the way the forwards aren’t being sucked up the ground. Have been crying out for that for ages. Your team can’t kick goals if there’s no one in the forward line. The amount of goals we’ve kicked in the last two games proves the validity of this approach.

  13. Just imagine if you didn’t go, and they won Graig.

  14. If that’s what it takes, I’ll gladly stay home.

  15. Andrew Starkie says

    you’re due to win one eventually.

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