The Wrap – Round XII: Where lift imitates football

And what a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The Eagles saw off a spirited Bluebagger Challenge to return to the Top of The Ladder, and The Feeling Faints fall just short of a famous Victory in The City of Churches.  The Tiges had to win in torrid conditions up in Sin City, and The Shinboners nearly came to grief on the Metricon Ride.

Come Sunday and The Hawks won on the bit, with a bit of help from one of the classiest performances Shaun Burgoyne has put in wearing the GoldenBrown.  And The Sons of The West turned it on for arguably Their greatest ever Son.

The Ayatollah feels it would be Good For Football to spend more of our money getting a Chinese national up to the Elite Level over in Guangzhou.  Thirty sportsmen are being trained in the basics & finer arts of OGG.  The corollary being that, once one of them makes it through to the Highest Level, this will encourage Australians of Chinese ancestry to take up The Game.  Are we alone in being deeply disturbed by the logic expressed here?

But enough of my persiflage, let’s see who dived & delved in Round XII.

The High Flying Eagles v The Right Royal Parade Miseries.  The flags along La Via Lygon are at half mast once more, and are likely to stay that way for some time based on last night’s performance.  They just can’t seem to get it right, eh?  Last week against The Handbags they seemed to have snapped out of their dream.  (Are you sure that’s not supposed to be nightmare Wrap? – Ed)  They went back to nigh-nighland and let The Opposition steal that one.  The pattern continued last night.  The Weagles jumped them from the start and promptly run out of puff.  The Bluebaggers came at them and wrested the lead and the momentum from The Hometeam.  Enter Nick Nat Nui.  It was Yabby Jeans – one of the all time great backpocket coaches – who said he’d never won a Grand Final without a dominant ruckman.  Those old timers knew what they were talking about, didn’t they?  27 possessions – 12 of them contested – and 31 hitouts.  Exit the Rattzbaggers.  And a question here for the Carlton Coach: if Judd’s injured, why are you playing him?  They’ll rest him next week because they’ve got The Bye.  The Coasters return to the Top of The Table in preparation for their Visit to THOF to face The Mighty Magpies just as the sun settles in the west on the Saturday.

The Pride of South Australia v The Feeling Faints.  Sorry Sainters, nearly is not good enough.  This was one they could have won, but they were overpowered by the Adelaide Attack.  The Great Helmsmen and the marketing department at Harrison House would have loved it, but it’s not the ay to go about winning premierships and building a Supporter Base around the Club and Self Belief within the Playing Group.  They have The Bye to reflect on how they intend to finish off the season.  The Free Settlers have The Shinboners under cover for the late one on Sunday.  They’d be feeling pretty pleased with themselves under their new coach, and with a pretty soft run home, they’d have to be eyeing off a Home Final.

The Penrith Pygmies v The Tigers of Old.  This was Tinseltown showing bleak City that it too can turn on some Winter Weather.  In fact our reporter in Steak & Kidney tells us they’ve been having a bit of it lately.  For the 2nd week in a row Richmond had to battle the elements.  And couple of the goals they gave away with 50m penalties were relatively soft, but the reality is, they’re going to have to be more disciplined.  This time they were successful, although the win didn’t come without its share of anxious moments.  Conversion was woeful, and the get next weekend off to screw the lid down good & tight for the 2nd half of their season.  The Giants have benefitted from the canny coaching of Sheeds & Chocko.  There’s a real spirit of purpose at Breakfast Point, and while we’re not the first to say this, a trip to Skoda Arena is no gimmee.  The team has a balanced mix of old heads, proven young stars and veterans with something to prove.  They get to prove something next Sunday when Tom Scully & James McDonald get to catch up with their old teammates.

The Shinboners  v The Abletts.  The Little Master racked up the possessions & the Brownlow Votes, and North found that this wasn’t going to be the percentage gift that was their 1st encounter with The Metermaids earlier in the year.  In fact they had to roll out a barrel of Gasometer Juice at ½ time, and another one with the Citrus Break.  They looked far from the Top Eight side they were tipped to be at the beginning of the season.  One bright light was the return to form of Toddy Goldstein – 95 DTPs.  They have The Chardonnays on the Shifting Sands next Sunday.  The Abletts have a week off before taking the longest road trip to play the best team in The Competition the following weekend.

The Mayblooms v The Roy Boys.  Little Hawkers and all those household pets that make up the 70,000 Paid Up Proud & Passionate around at The Family Club would have been wondering if it was déjà vu all over gain as The Boys From Old Fitzroy made them earn every kick and every yard up until the Long Break.  With Brisbane bringing the weather with them, the conditions similar to Hawthorn’s Richmond debacle, they struggled to throw off The Young Lions.  However, any semblance of a contest was an illusion.  Only Brissy’s accuracy and The Mustard Pots’ inaccuracy kept the two teams anywhere near competitive for the early part of the game.  As sure as cream rises to the top, The Leafblowers churned out a performance worthy of The Preseason Premiership Favourite, and at times looked positively awesome.  (You’re not getting on the Maybloom Bandwagon are you Wrap? – Ed)  The Squawkers have a rest next weekend.  The Gorillas are back in Melbourne to play The Tricolours at The Little Ground at The End of Bourke Street on Saturday Arvo.

The Western Pomeranians v The Power From Port.  This was the Danger Game for Punters & Pundits.  The Team From The Mighty West was farewelling one of The Greatest of The Bulldog Breed.  And they didn’t let Sir Charles down.  The Power From Port came with plenty of Port Adelaide Tradition, but The Kennel Coughs showed You Can’t Beat The Boys of The Bulldog Breed.  With probably their best performance for the season they took the Four Points to keep any mathematical chance they may have for Season 2012 alive.  They get a chance to go back-to-back when they take on Vossy’s Lions next Saturday for the early one.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

NB – due the time honoured pagan festival of The Winter Solstice, there will be no Wrap next Friday.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.

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