THE WRAP – ROUND III

WHERE LIFE IMITATES FOOTBALL

What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  On the Friday night The Rattzbaggers did to Collingwood what the butcher did to the lamb: carved it up.  On Saturday it was The Tigers of Old who did the carving, this time of the moribund Redlegs.  The Bloods withstood The Power challenge to take the points in the City of Light.  Freo won in a low scoring yawn over in The West.  The Saints monstered The Dishlickers.  And The Houdinis got out of gaol yet again.

Come Sunday and it was The Hawks who regained some momentum, beating the Chardonnays convincingly.  Their Co-premiership Favourites however, came off 2^nd best against Boomer’s Roos.  And the WCE did what had to be done to GWS up at BIS.

How long will it be before the Mickeyites and the Nathanites around at The Westpac Oval are at it boots & barstools?  This one came in the mailbox first thing Sunday morning from Disgruntled of Carringbush.  See if you can help Disgruntled out here.  Although I suspect he already knows the answer.  It’s comparing Collingwood 2011 to Collingwood 2012.  Complete this sequence.

1 – Same Committee

2 – Same Administration

3 – Same Staff

4 – Same Location at the Westpac Centre

5 – Same Trainers who run on the ground

6 – Same Supporters

7 – Same Team

8 –

What is the answer to point 8?  We’ve come up with a couple of answers that would fit.  See how you go.

Never mind the poor old Demons.  Spare a thought for The Poor Old Bombers.  They just can’t get this air travel right.  They took off from the Gold Coast Airport headed for the usual two-hour joy ride back to Tullamarine.  Three hours later they’re still sitting in the tarmac at Brisbane International.  Don’t ask me.  I just report on the media output.

And if you really want to spare a thought for someone, why not spare it for the Beleaguered Football Federation of Australia.  They really can’t take a trick.  You’d have to wonder how far they’ve progressed since South Melbourne Hellas was on top of the table and the fans would slug out their unfinished business from war torn Europe along Albert Road or Swan Street.  It could be a salutary lesson for those who reckon the Great Helmsman’s not doing a good job.  We could have the FFA administration and the billionaire football club owners calling the shots.  Suddenly the Ayatollah, Eddie & Jeff don’t look so bad after all, eh?

While we’re on the roundball code, if you want to know the difference between soccer and Aussie Rules, look no further than Friday night’s game.   Dennis Armfield was writhing on the ground after wrenching his knee in the Opening Stanza.  The game went on around him.  They stop the soccer to apply extra hair gel.

Are we alone in thinking this, but has anyone noticed the improvement in the level of umpiring this season?  There’s been some classic contests in the three rounds thus far, and it’s hard to recall a glaring, game-costing decision.  (Apart from Angry Adrian’s video double check on his goal umpires – Ed)  Friday night’s Blockbuster was no exception.  Maybe the best games get the best umpires, but at the top level there’s a reading of the game that can only be described as astute.  And while this may be premature, well done Geisha & the coaches around there at Maggot Cenral.

What would the Dalai Lama do?  Why, he’d have a word or two to say about his former apprentices wouldn’t he.  And the President who didn’t sack him after 10 years when there were those around the club suggesting he’d passed his use by date.  Firstly he’s said that his former apprentice Mark Neeld has walked into a club that was previously about anything but football.  And that he’ll (Neeld) stick to his guns and turn the ship around.  Secondly, he said that another of his apprentices, the one at Carringbush, had changed the Divine Game Plan that had taken them to a Flag in 2010.  (Not to mention the three losses – Ed)  And that the boundary line is your friend.  While we’re not sure whether he said this or not, but someone dressed as the Delai Lama is accredited with it – It is necessary to help others, not only in our prayers, but also in our daily lives.  If we find we cannot help others, the least we can do is desist from harming them.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who ran free in Round III.

The Miseries v Carringbush.  Two things have happened over the weekend that are destined to shake The Football World to its foundations.  Firstly, Judd got pinged for a throw on Friday night.  And secondly, we’re on the Silvertail Bandwagon around here at The Wrap.  This is without doubt one of the best outfits going around in 2012, and if Hawthorn were overrun by a road and battle weary Geelong, they’re not going to be able to hold a candle to this Optus Oval Mob.  Carlton would have to be the new Flag Favourite after their comprehensive demolition of Collingwood.  And here’s why in a word.  Matthew Kreuzer.  (That’s two words Wrap – Ed)  Now Darren Jolly’s body might be a bit past it, but he’s still got his wits about him.  The Kreuzer was leaping head and shoulders above him, and his palming to his rovers gave them the best armchair ride since Sandy Stone got roller skates attached to the Jason Recliner.  And whatever the question was, the answer is not Cameron Wood.  Fair dinkum, it took you back to the days of Big Nick and Polly Farmer.   (What about the Gentle Giant, Roy Wright, and Billy Wilson Wrap? – Ed)  But it was the way relentless pressure that took its toll of The Magpies.  The Carringbush Faithful who were so dispirited because of their team’s lack of passion against Richmond last week would have been counting the roosting chickens as they made their weary way up through the car park elms 7 figs after this one.  And let’s start counting.  The ball bouncing off Cloke’s head twice and his chest once.  Daisy Thomas seems to have been reading his own press.  Swan was always under pressure.  Two on the bench before half time plus a queue a mile long at the Medical Room before the season started suggests a flawed preparation in some way.  And the clearance of an All Australian backpocket and the loss of two experienced senior coaches wouldn’t have helped the stability of the preparation program.  Carla’s kids had their heads down over their DSs and Eddie had the thousand-yard stare.  Yes Eddie, that’s your man Nathan coaching this rabble.  And it was not a pretty sight.  Even when they got the ball they didn’t seem to know what to do with it.  They went via the Cape at one stage and looked reasonably comfortable, but The Blues weren’t going to let them get away with that for long.  The Silvertails have The Gliders at The G next Saturday.  The Maggies get to re-group against Port Power in a rare expedition away from The Home of Football at the Traditional Time when they go under cover.

The Tigers v The Fuchsias.  The Co-tenants mucked around for ½ a game, with The Tiges always looking the better side.  Then, with a Cotchin goal from the centre bounce to start the 2^nd half, the floodgates opened.  The Tiger Army at The Punt Road End was in full cry as their team piled on 9-2 to 1-1 for the Premiership Quarter.  A comfortably win against a side in freefall.  The Dees lacked passion and have lost pace.  Once an Aaron Davey run-down cost Richmond a finals birth.  Now he couldn’t catch a cold.  They’re putting on a brave face out at Casey Fields, but they’re not fooling anyone but themselves.  They are indications that they have serious structural flaws that weren’t properly resolved during their cathartic period under the late Jimmy Styne’s leadership, and that like their Arch Rivals around at the Lexus Centre, will need to spend some sobering moments in front of a reflective surface.  While the win was a boost to the Self Belief at Tigerland, there are no delusions drawn from the win other than if you work hard and continue to strive, you’re in there with a show.  No one exemplified this better than Shane Tuck.  Wearing the # 21 of Mopsy Fraser and Neil Balme, he had 16 contested possessions amongst his 30 touches.  They take on TRP OTR down at Corio Oval on the Sunday for the early one.  The Fuchsias host another Biggest Loser of the weekend in the twilight zone at the G.

The Power v The Steak & Kidney.   Sydney have kept their unblemished record intact with a battling win against the ever improving, but unlucky Power.  Showing that they’ve forgotten nothing about the Basics of The Game, they maintained the pressure on The Chokers until they forced the turnovers.  But make no mistake; a visit to Footy Park to play The Tealers is not going to be the gimmee it’s been over the last few seasons.  They’ve got The Battle of The Magpies under cover at the Traditional Time next Saturday Arvo.  South Melbourne host North Melbourne at the Other Cricket Ground on the Sunday.

Freo v Brissy.  If you’d just landed from another planet on one of Bob Brown’s intergalactic travel capsules and picked up the Sporting Globe to check the scores, you’d be able to work out where Ross Lyon was coaching now.   8-16 plays 5-5 says it all.  That 33,473 had to put up with it is another story.  Brissy host Crosstown Rivals GCFC on the Saturday night in what should be a thriller.  The Longshoremen slip across to Ethelred Stadium as guest of The Feeling Faints on the Shifting Sands of Docklands to open proceedings for Round IV.

The Sunbeams v The Marshmallows.   Those Bomber Faithful who put the house on the line for this one would have had their hearts in their mouths going into the Last Quarter.  And while it’s true that GTWTCO, good teams don’t allow a team of 2^nd year recruits to dominate them they way The Metermaids held The Whingy Flat Mob.  And make no mistake; The Suns of The Gold Coast Sky are The Team That Never Says Die.  Once more The Gliders got out of gaol.  They spin the wheel again next Saturday against a Carlton side they owe at least one Grand Final non-appearance to.  And hey, when you see Karmichael Hunt amongst The Sunbeams’ better players you know the times are a changing.  With 10,874 members, there’s a ground swell of support and with Campbell Brown to join KH, a trip to The Metricon is not going to come without bruised bones, if not bruised egos.  And what about The Little Master?  Forty-five possessions, 27 of them contested.  We’ve got him at nine Brownlow votes plus to two bonus votes, that’s a total of 11.  Next Saturday night The Ones in The Red Gold & Blue board the Airtrain up to Brissy to test their newfound Self Belief against The Maroons.

The Dishlickers v The Feeling Faints.  To continue a bad round for Rookie Coaches, The Saints had held The Doggies to 2-6 by ¾ time.   With Lenny Hayes on fire, The Sainters did as they liked.  Matty Boyd tried hard all night, but The Scrays had no answer to the relentless pressure, and indeed looked all at sea.  28,971 turned up this time.  With performances like that, it’s going to be difficult to maintain the enthusiasm of TLSWOF.  They have fellow Cellar Dweller, and some say favourite for The Coveted Sylvan Shield, Melbourne, next Sunday for the late one.  The Saints have the curtain raiser under cover against Freo.

GWS v WCE up at Blacktown.  The Opening Stanza of 11-4 to the Homeside’s solitary two majors would have gutted the 6,875 Long Suffering Breakfast Point Faithful at the Blacktown International Sportspark on Sunday.  They fought back and took the last Quarter 4-4 to 2-3, but The Eagles had left the ground by then to catch an early flight back to Perth.  The Giant Sloths are off to the City of Light for their next outing.  The Coasters will be turning the hot water off for The Leafblowers.

The Mayblooms  v The Chardonnays.  If ever you need a reality check, play Hawthorn – old jungle saying.  The Squawkers turned on a Football Clinic in what appeared no more than a romp for them.  The Crows could have been more of a threat had their Goalsquare Gorilla kicked straight, but the Hawks, lamenting last week’s loss to The Greatest Team of All,  know all about inaccurate kicking.  Twenty-five scoring shots to 24 suggests a closer match than it was.  The Mustard Pots won every quarter, and now have to catch the Indian Pacific for yet another challenge: The Weagles at home.  The Pride of South Australia have invited Sheedy’s Shenanigans across to show them the delights of the City of Churches.

The Shinboners v The Handbags.  Join in The Chorus, North Melbourne’s on The Ball.  Of course, in hindsight we all should have seen this coming.  Maybe it was North not putting Essendon away when they had the chance, or their free hitout against The Pygmies down in Hobart Town.  Have we underrated The Norsemen?  Sure, The Moggies were going to be a bit sore and sorry after a couple of bruising encounters, but was it more above the shoulders that they were carrying most of the bruising?  Could it have lead them to cruise against The Kangas early on?  But let’s take nothing away from North; they were imaginative in their playmaking and crisp in its execution.  They’ll find out more about themselves up in Coathanger Bay next Sunday.  The Pussies have The Tigers for the early start the same day.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.