The Pre-Wrap – Round 16



What week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The Star Chamber has been in overdrive sending miscreants to the sin bin.  And one of their victims to the medical room.  There were lots of emails through the week, most of which would have been more appropriate on lynch mob banners, but one that caught our attention was the one that was quite biblical.  The correspondent suggested the suspension for proven injuring causing reports should match the time the victim was out of the game.  Post Greening Incident victims of Jim O’Dea would surely agree.

We were wrong.  No leeway for poetic license out there in Wrapland is there?  Last week we commented that Hawthorn’s 27 goal margin was more than QPR & Fulham kicked in a season.  It’s been pointed out to us that Fulham kicked 48 goals last Premier League Season, and QPR 43.  Still not a lot, considering they play 38 matches for the season.  That’s right, 20 teams play each other once at home and once more away.  Are we alone in hoping the Great Helmsman picks up on this during his six-week fact-finding vacation?

Anyone know if Clokey’s signed up with anyone yet?  It really is becoming a non-event isn’t it?  Poor old Figjam; he didn’t need this in his first season, did he?  Nor we suppose did the Black&White Army.  Life’s tough enough for them as it is, what with the early Collywobble symptoms that have been picked up by the medical fraternity and all.  But hands up those who feel Cloke & his management team are blackmailing the Collingwood Football Club.  On Monday night’s Football Classified, Doubtful Thomas reckoned he’d put a three-year contract at $500K on the table and tell him that was it.  He should know, shouldn’t he?  He was the Recruiting Manager at Moorabbin for a number of years.  And if The Pies weren’t in line for a Flag, or had options, you’d have to believe that’s exactly what Figjam would do.  It’s not as though he hasn’t had experience in these matters, eh?  (Nor is Cloke a Carey or a Brown or a Franklin – Ed)

How happy is everyone with the current broadcasting set-up?  Remember the enjoyment you’d get listen to a match on the radio.  You’d try to find your team’s game, but really, a good call’s a good call, eh?.  A match between traditional rivals would do.  There’s a good chance you’d hate them both so listening to them belt the bejesus out of each other was easy listening; at least one of them would lose.  A drawn game was pure ecstasy.  The broadcast may have included someone you admired, like Hawthorn or Geelong.  Or the Underdog making a fair dinkum scrap of it.

I know when I painted the back fence.  It was the last time Richmond beat Geelong. I had a day at the Footy and got a heap of brownie points at the same time.  The Famous Victory made it a win-win-win too.  (That wasn’t down at The Cattery was it Wrap?-  Ed)

It was quite orgasmic, wasn’t it; listening to the Footy on the radio?  There was the dating, foreplay, the lovemaking and the afterplay.  If you were tuned to 774 you’d start off with the dating, with the Singing Cowboys.  There’d be country outings, a few dates to venues to catch the latest hits, double dates with phone-ins and a visit to Guru Bob’s inner sanctum for enlightenment.  Then you’d move on to some heavy petting with Great Southern Grandstand – dissecting the week, looking at the season thus far, the season the come, Brownlow prospects, Coleman prospects, Coaches Most Likely, the latest pronouncement from the Oval Office – you could feel the excitement building – before moving onto the real thing – The Match.  The wrestling, the frantic bursts of energy, the recovery, the lust for the pigskin, the groping, the tackles, the purposeful, probing ball movements, climaxed by the screaming of the siren.  The body-draining climax.  The elation.  The let down.  Followed by the Post Match.  The gentle easing back from the heart-pounding heights of The Game to the urban heartbeat of reality.

This can’t be rushed: the afterplay.  It’s an essential part of Match Day.  How did the other games go?  Who’s still playing and whose got the close one?  If you’re at the ground you pick up the broadcast as you nudge your way out of the environs in the sludge of traffic, some cars flying victory scarves as the occupants soak up the Post Match praise of the radio heads.  If you’re working up a thirst you’ve been with the broadcast right through.  You join in the schadenfreude of the Vent Your Spleen segment.  Or if it’s your team that has let their Fans down, yell in confirmation.  You celebrate a win, you commiserate with the loser.  When it’s all said and done, we’re all from the same tribal lands.

None of that now.  Under the new regimen we’ve been sold, it’s straight into the next match – ready or not – the next date.  It may even be with someone you wouldn’t date in a fit.  Someone you wouldn’t date for a dare.  But more than that, too much sex loses its appeal.  It becomes bad sex.  And are we the only ones who feel that’s what the never-ending loop of match calling gives us?

Casey fell off his bike, Cadel’s still on his, and Webber is showing them both that four wheels are better than two.  Go you Aussie Good Things.  Put a gap in ‘em.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be around and seen in Round XVI

The Shinboners v The Silvertails at the Home of Corporate Football tonight.  The Miseries TTSA* last week when they caught The Pies a bit less than hot.  Kade Simpson has been giving The Rattzbaggers one of his best seasons for a while, and his link-up play will be sorely missed, as will the ruck-relief work of Hansen.  The inclusion of Murphy will make up for the loss of Simpson.  The Roos are feeling pretty good about themselves right now, and judging from the mailbag, are cherry ripe for this one.  However, the Rt Hon Edward Betts will take some holding and Duigan has been a revelation in the goalsquare.  The Pundits have it even stevens, but the Punters lean towards The Only Team All Carlton Knows.  The 1st Rucks looks pretty capable, and both sides look better as an outside running combination.  A lot will depend on Toddy Goldstein.  The Kreuzer can break your heart, but he’s no Big Cox – yet.  If he can be held, North have every chance.  The decision swings on whether The Bluebagger Recovery is the real thing or not, and whether Jamison can hold Petrie – and how the ball comes in to him.  Good Old North Melbourne have been kind to us lately, so we’ll stick with them, but investment is out of the question.

Melbourne v Fremantle under cover on Saturday arvo.  With snow predicted to blanket the Strathbogies & the Dandenong’s, even the comfort of The Docklands won’t pull the Long Suffering Redleg Faithful along to this one.  The Fuchsias were lamentable last weekend and the team sheet, reading like the Melbourne chainsaw massacre, has more red on it than blue.  The Barry Crockers aren’t travelling much better, but you’d have to give them the nod.  But you’d have neither of them in your portfolio.

The Power From Port v The Whingy Hill Mob in The Shadows of Mt Lofty at the Traditional Time.  The Gliders team list looks like a bombsite.  The Chokers’ would look a lot better with Big Jay Schultz in it supporting Westie.  Look, it’s going to be a bitterly cold & lonely day over in the City of Light for The Baby Bombers, and they look anything but powerful in the following division.  The sight of Gumbleton, Hillie & Bellchambers all on the same paddock at the same time must send shivers down the spine of even the most hardened Whingy Hill Faithful.  They’ll be wearing those Salvation Army colours again, and they’ll need all the salvation they can draw on the win this one.  As depleted as they are, they still run a bit of class out onto the paddock, and if they’re as good as they say they are, they should rebound from the shellacking Sydney handed out to them last weekend.  Against our better judgement – Essendon.

Struggletown v The Metermaids up in croc country late on Saturday arvo.  The Tiges wouldn’t fill anyone with any confidence.  They blew the corresponding game last year and The Sunbeams ran the Pussies to a close thing at Carrara last round.  The Tiges also look a bit undersized up forward.  We’ll stick with them, but any suggestion of investment should be treated with the scorn it deserves.

The Cats v The Magpies at The G on Saturday night.  The Moggies seem to have caught a healthy dose of feline flu along the way somewhere.  They used up a life up in Wally World and Jimmy Bartell couldn’t have picked a worse time to have a rush of blood.  Chappy kept them in the contest last weekend, but the win was a case of so much owed to so few.  Their team sheet looks like a team already moving on to re-building phase.  Carringbush have lost Wellingham for his indiscretion of last weekend, but re-gained Pendlebury, Tarrant & Brown.  With finals looming, the performance of the latter two will be closely scrutinized by SOTG.  Collingwood, with their season starting to wobble slightly, will win this, and rebound to win it well.  In fact we had to pinch ourselves around here when we absorbed the full import of The Bagmen’s generosity. Don’t hesitate; at $1.52 they’ll pay more than Telstra.

The Lions v The Saints under the palms tomorrow night.  The Feeling Faints are stringing a few performances together and are coming off a resounding win against The Marshmallows.  They should have too much of everything for Boss Voss’ Mob.  Don’t bet on it though, any Brisbane side with Black & Brown in it can make you feel black & blue by the end of the night.  Playing on The Gabbatoir, they’ll be a threat.

The Big Big Sound From The West Of The Town v The Mighty Adelaide Crows.  Big Folau, or no Big Folau – Adelaide.

The Tricolours v The Mayblooms under cover on Sunday.  Big Buddy, or no Big Buddy – Hawthorn.

The Eagles v The Bloods over there to wind up proceedings.  These two have slugged out some belters in the past, a couple of times for the Ultimate Prize.  Both have sat astride The Table at some stage this season; currently it’s Sydney’s turn.  In fact the winner here goes to Number 1 and the loser could drop out of Te Four.  Huge consequences.  The Swans are playing Bloods’ Football, and have salvaged a couple of tight ones latterly.  The Weagles have dropped a couple of close ones – otherwise they’d be on top of the ladder – but pulled the match against North out of the fire last weekend.  Both are in scintillating form.  Big Cox & Nick Nat Nui form a formidable rucking duo, and Big Mummy will have his hands full, especially with Daniel Kerr leading The Weagles hungry flock of ground level players.  The old adage that a champion team will beat a team of champions is on every locker door at Sydney, and the trip to Sooby doesn’t phase them all that much.  It’s probably easier to look at the gaps.  While it will make it easier for callers, The Coasters will pine for their Josh Kennedy.  It brings the resting ruckman to the goalsquare; something that will have caused the Tinseltown full back some sleepless night.  It will keep Grundy deep in defence, limiting his run out of the backline.  Watch for the shift of The Hyphen to cover the Weagles’ marking power in the square, thus robbing Sydney of a similar advantage in their own goalmouth.  It will be a fantastic match, and one that will be a September pointer for SOTG, Punters & Pundits, & Fans. & Faithful.  Who’ll win?  If Adam Goodes can kick a healthy swag of Captain’s Goals, The Sin City Rollers could cause the upset.  Otherwise it’s The Homeside for us here deep in the bowels of the Wrapcave.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

* TTSA – Turned Their Season Around

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Andrew Fithall says

    I’ll have to take your word for it Wrap that “too much sex loses its appeal”.

  2. Going to be a thin week on the Almanac this week, Mr Wrap. What with yourself, both editors, PJFlynn, Skip, Mark Doyle (silver linings?), Dips, Phantom, ,Litza, JB, Crio (except for equine matters) and myself all tragically and unexpectedly losing our internet connection for the week.
    I’m sure RKane, AStarkie and the Floreat Pica Society will ensure that the website flourishes in the week ahead.
    I’m off to cut the cables now – back in a fortnight.

  3. The Wrap says

    At Tigerland we’re used to Character Building PB. It’s why we initiate our kids into the Richmond Way.

  4. Don’t worry about the Phantom PB. He saw some very encouraging things from some of his young Cats.

    Even if we drop off the radar this season there is a whole lot to be happy about with what we have just done and what we are about to do.

    Those Swans are hard to beat aren’t they. They were even good enough to pip the pussies on the post at their home ground.

    Wrapster: I was sitting relaxed by the kitchen fire mit ear plugs listening to the last half of the Tiges game after watching a stirring Wynyard Cats come back to take top spot in the local league and as that (abrieviated) Karmichael Hunt person converted all I could say was Oh Dear. My wife looked at me in a perplexed manner and realised exactly what had happened.

  5. The Wrap says

    Anyone else notice they’re nothing if not flexible down at Sleepy Hollow? Fair dinkum, it couldn’t be more than three weeks ago they were still talking Flag. And anyone who – based on the reality of the moment -suggested otherwise was branded a heretic and consigned to the flames. Now the buzz word down at Cat Central is rebuilding. Our mailbag’s full of it, and I’ve heard they’re accosting complete strangers in the street to harangue them the new position.

    I hope someone’s keeping an eye on your Tiger Tragic Bruvver Phanto. You got him in a quiet room with the curtains drawn?

  6. Ah, the joys of sport on the radio!

  7. All’s well Wrapster. He just rang me singing the John Sebastian song – ‘Welcome Back’ (Mister Cotter).

    I think it was in reference to where we currently are in the doldrums on the ladder.

    He did have time to mention a few Tiger adjectives. Shit, hopeless, gone, weak…………………………….

    I am so pleased he is back to normal. I was worried about his blood pressure when all that Tiger finals talk was hitting the airwaves.

    With your quick dry Cat wit you obviously don’t support one of the top sides who have to play us in the run home. Hiding in behind the shroud of mediocracy, or worse, safety.

    We can still bite them on the knee caps.

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