The Pre-Wap – Round IXX



And what a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  If the unravelling of the Australian swimming team doesn’t spoil the Ayatollah’s sojourn in the Olympic City, what’s going down at Harrison House certainly should.  The worst kept secret in the History of The Game has been brought out of the closet.  Yes Wrappers, it’s official: Melbourne tanked to get Tom Scully.  That’s why, according to Brock McLean, he left the club.  However, it doesn’t automatically follow that it’s why Tom Scully left the club.  (Nor Brock McLean for that matter – Ed)  Our guess is that he went to Sydney to join his old man who was working for the Greater Western Sydney Experiments – as a recruiting officer no less.  And what a big name his first recruit turned out to be.  That alone would have to justify the six-figure salary he collects.

Of course, to flex a bit of muscle, Angry Adrian’s going to have to roll back the carpet and see what’s been swept under it during his earlier investigation of the whole charade.  Down along The Yarra at the Lexus Centre the troops have been mustered to repel and insurgency from Harrison House.  You’ll remember that in 2005 The Magpies sent several players to the panel beaters and dropped the last eight games.  Their earlier than expected draft picks saw Daisy Thomas & Scott Pendlebury pull on the Black&White Verticals.  At the end of a tirade from the Oval Office El Presidenté was immediately on the front foot.  It apparently didn’t happen, they had their investigation: move on.  I would have thought the next thing we should be looking at is fixing up the match review panel and the score review systems system going into the finals.  You know what Eddie, for once the Whole Football World agrees with you.

Notice no one’s made any assertions that The Tigers are tanking.  (But they may as well be – Ed)

But let’s leave that to the Great Helmsman to sort out on his return.  Let’s move on to the Star Chamber.  Fair dinkum, the Inquisition made more sense.  Ask Jack Ziebell.  The bottom line is that The Moggies could go into Friday night’s Blockbuster minus their likely Garji Greave Medallist for season 2012.  But the inquisitors summing up makes you wonder, doesn’t it?  How a player who can spot up a teammate 70m away can’t see an opponent five meters in front of him.

But the Breaking News is in the Ammos.  For those who came in late, Old Carey have made their way up the grades over succeeding years and are set to complete the fairy tale this year in the Premier League.  Last week they went down to Ladder Leaders Old Xavier in a low scoring arm wrestle on the wind swept swamp of Elsternwick Park.  This week, sitting uneasily at 4th – ahead of Old Scotch on percentage – they face The Lowly Uni Blues.  Scotch play second placed Collegians.  The Panther Faithful are talking up their September Chances, and while at first blush, their ladder stats suggest otherwise – 7&6, 114% – they’d won five straight until the hiccup against The Jesuits.   It’s a great story; everyone loves an underdog, and the Carey Fairies certainly fit that description.  We eagerly await our Ammo stringer’s Monday Report.

With The Bombers racking up scores and margins that Matthew Knights would have been ashamed of, you’d have to wonder why they didn’t keep him on, and save themselves a bundle.

We’re taking up a collection for waterproof Kleenex tissues for our Olympic swimming team.  Don’t hang back on this one.

While we’re in the pool, let’s hear it for Nick “The Eel” D’Arcy.  Did you catch his comments after coming 6th in his semi final?  No?  Well here they are – lifted from Michael Gleeson’s piece in the SMH.

It’s difficult to put into words [the disappointment after the journey to get to the Olympics].  I have got my girlfriend here, I have got one of my good mates, my uncle, my mum and dad, all these friends and family here, and I was looking forward to making the final for them and putting on a bit of a show.  But unfortunately that is not going to happen.

It’s a tremendous feeling of pride being able to be part of the team and stand up there to represent your country.  It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience and especially having all those friends and family in the stands.  I just am disappointed I couldn’t do a better job for everyone cheering back home.

Well done Nick.  As always – straight from the heart.  So spontaneous that it would be shameful to even think you were rehearsing those lines coming down the bell lap.

But it’s dear old Stephanie I’m worried about, with her career as an Olympic swimmer faltering at 24 – I hope we all tweeted he a Happy Birthday message on the 17th of June – she’s having serious thoughts about hanging up the Speedos.  Suggestions have been pouring in – from swimwear model to working with children.

But enough of the Pampered Poodles of the Pool.  There’s plenty good news stories from The London Games.  To start with we’re winning the Battle of the Pohms.  Then there’s the Man of Two Flags, but only one T-shirt – Damien Hooper – slugging it out in the sweet science.  And all those other competitors in the aquatic domain from the Land Girt By Sea.  With the track & field to come.  (There’s some voluble athletes there who’ll want to let their performances do their talking too – Ed)

They’re talking Brownlow again in the mainstream media.  You can put the glasses down now in our book.   Trent Cotchin by the length of the main straight at Flemington.  And at $12 you’d be a mug not to be on him.  You watch him fire up with The Tigers over these last five rounds.  You might even like to take the double with Jumping Jack for the Coleman, then maybe not.

But what’s this?  Out on Whingy Hill they’ve been blaming their southbound performance curve for their shocking run of injuries.  However, this doesn’t line up with the data released in Thursday’s Sage.  West Coast & Collingwood have been hit hardest – 71 & 70 matches lost by their top XX.  The Gliders come in at 14th with 46 matches lost.  The Miseries are the ones who have a genuine injury alibi claim.  Not that you’d hear it from Visy Park of course.

In case all this negative talk of Society imitating The Games is getting you down, this one came in from on of the 84 protruding rocks that make up The Fabulous Furneauxs.  It was generated originally by an English Professor fed up with the misuse of a language that had taken thousands of years in the making being bastardized in one slothful and indulgent generation.  In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I’ve noticed that more and more people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capital letters.  For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement:  “Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse”.  Is everybody clear on that?

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to around to preen after Round XVIII

The Family Club v The Greatest Team Of All at THOF tonight.  This is a crucial match on many scores.  The Pussies have had the wood on The Mayblooms ever since they surprised them (The Pussies) to win The Flag back in 2008.  That’s eight straight wins – or eight of their nine lives – all at small margins.  While the bragging rights on this score are confidence building, the fact of the matter is that The Hawks have beaten The Cats in two high quality Grand Finals.  Geelong have never beaten Hawthorn for a Premiership.  And this has Big Match connotations for The Handbags.  At the Selection Table The Mustard Pots have been able to fit Hale back into the side but have decided, learning from experience you’d have to suppose, not to risk Buddy just yet.  The Handbags have been able to recall the jPod & Scarlett and have brought in Stephenson to cover the loss of West.  And therein lies the tale.  The Cats may have the edge in marking power in the two key forward positions, but The Hawks have it around the ground, and with their precise kicking – they can spot up a moving target at a hundred yards – they don’t rely on pack marking strength for set shots inside The Arc.  The Waverly Brains Trust will be as suspicious of Stevie J’s ability give 100% as the rest of us and Geelong driving force is likely to be treated to more than an MRI by the Hawthorn surgical team.  It’s going to be a great match, as contests between these two historically are, but it’s our opinion that the Leafblowers will be roaring out in the Leafy East tonight as Clarko’s Sharpshooters, led by Hodgie, Gunston, Puopolo, Bruest & Cyril find the gap between the Big Sticks.  Scarlett’s return will make a difference, but there’s a bit of do or die about this Sleepy Hollow line-up that has us worried here in the Wrapcave.  Big Tommy H has a habit of leaving his kicking boots at home and having to use the spare pair – the ones with the nail in them – from the bottom of his locker, and the jPod, while hungry for leather, may not be quite ready for Guerra, Gibson & Co.  And you know what, we feel someone’s erred on this one.  The Bagmen have The Mayblooms out at $1.30.  This looks better than Telstra to us.  We’ll be down at Glenferrie Oval for the Pleasant Sunday Morning Stu.  Cld U pls bring the BT’s wth U?  Ta.  Oh, and Eddie, would it be all right if I returned the Maggie tix, I’m not sure if they’re going to be of any use now.  I wouldn’t mind keeping the steak knives but.  Would that be OK?  Ta Mate.

The Tricolours v The Shinboners, on Saturday on the Shifting Sands.  If this match was being played at the old Gasometer Oval it would have served The Doggies well to call in at the Lort Smith Animal Hospital on the way down Arden Street to pick up a few greyhounds, pit bulls & terriers, but as that option’s closed we’re going for The Norsemen.

The Orangemen v The Power From Port at Skoda Stadium at the traditional time.  When Sheedy drops Israel Folau you know he’s tanking.  And with Big Jay Schultz back in the goalsquare it makes The Tealers dead set certainties.  But at $1.07 the value is not there for a side that has been unpredictable all year.

Fremantle v The High Flying Aquilas in The Derby late on Saturday.  No doubt Pavlich will have send Glass a cheerio card through the week, and he may have to send him another on Monday.  The Anchormen look a lot better now that Fyfe’s back in the midfield too.  Look, The Purple Horde has been showing some form lately, and The Weagles have looked a bit unfocussed.  True, they thumped Brissy last week over there, but Brissy aren’t The Dangerous Dockers.  Equally true, the Coasters boast one of the best First Rucks in The Competition.  With Big Lynch & Cox lurking near the sticks and Hill & Shuey crumbing the packs, we see The Eagles being able to outplay the tight Rossy Lyon organised defence and outscore The Stevedores.  The High Flying Eagles for us here in the Wraproom.  But only investors with spare monopoly money should consider contacting their Caring Advisor.

Carringbush v The Saints on the Sacred Turf on Saturday night.  The Pies have been a bit hot and cold of late.  The Saints on the other hand have been showing plenty of progress under their Coach Watters, who’ll – it has to be said – know the Carringbush plays and playmakers.  (Any SOTG would by now know the Carringbush plays and playmakers Wrap; try to be more original – Ed)  As I was going to say – knowing which one he’s up against on the night will be the trick.  And with Jolly, O’Brien, Thomas, Wellingham & Sidebottom back on the team sheet, Coach Figjam has a myriad of options he can call on.  A lot will hinge on Dawes & Cloke.  If they can at least split a few packs it will create the sort of forward mayhem the ever alert Magpie smalls love.  The Feeling Faints also rely on Big Rooey & Kossy to create scoring opportunities for Nasty Milne, Schneider & Saad.  St Seaford is not without its chances here.  They have an opportunistic midfield that can creative something out of nothing and a disciplined defence.  The Bagmen have The Sainters out at $3.05, which is not by any stretch of the imagination an accurate assumption of their chances.  Look, there’s something to like about this St Kilda Outfit.  We’d like to say they can get up, but we’re not.  Carringbush to have just that little extra bit up their sleeve.  The Maggies.

The Lions v The Tiger at the Gabba tomorrow night.  Gone are the days of terror associated with a visit to The Lion’s Den.  Not that they have forgotten how to claw & bite; they gave The Weagles a good mauling up there in Round X remember.  But they’re coming off the Longest Road Trip and The Tiges have had a decent pull through from their Mentor, plenty of glares from Benny Gale, been regaled in the media and their Long Suffering Faithful have been shamed in canteens, coffee shops and wherever SOTG gather to dissect the season.   The Striped Marvels have also been stung that no one has accused them of tanking.  It won’t be easy, but with their traditional Glorious Ninth on the line they’ve got enough firepower to win this one.  The return of Matty White will give them some added pace around the packs and Ben ‘Big Boot’ Griffith will add his marking power to their line-up.  We’re sticking with The Struggletown Heroes, but with Brown & Merritt splitting packs and Banfield, Rich & Zorko lurking, The Endangered Species will have to stand steady.  Richmond, but keep your hands in your pockets.

The Fuchsias v The Metermaids on The Peoples’ Ground for the early one on Sunday.  The Battle for Draft Picks.  With these two having won three matches between them over 36 opportunities, there’s not a lot of form to go on.  Both are lukewarm and dead set freezing so we’ll follow that old tipsters axiom, when in doubt, go for The Homeside.  The Redlegs’ Hearts To Beat True.

Carlton v South Melbourne at Ethelred Stadium in the twilight zone.  The Silvertails pulled off a Famous Victory last week, but they’re not playing Richmond this week.  Sure, they’ve got Waite & Simpson back, but The Lakers have regained Big Mummy, however they’ve lost their CHF Reid.  On form, they shouldn’t have any trouble with The Rattzbaggers.  However, any investment should be treated with caution, particularly around the lines.  With The Rt Hon Sir Edward G Betts at his usual scintillating best, anything could happen.  The Bloods.

The Free Settlers v The Human Hamstrings in the Shadows of Mt Lofty to close off proceedings.  Midfielder Brett Stanton has been omitted because of soreness, Monfries has done an ankle & Dell’Olio has been dropped.  The Chardonnays look pretty comfortable about their list of available players.  It’s pretty lonely over there in the wide open spaces of Footy Park as the sun sinks into the rippled waters of St Vincent Gulf.  It will be even lonelier for The Hamstrings as they board The Overlander on the way home.  We’ve been fairly frugal with the kitty this round, and at $1.15 it might be time to make some gravy.  The Pride of South Australia to have no trouble

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. No Glass, No Rosa – no worries.
    No Kerr – now nervous.
    No Cox – now nauseous.
    Lucky we are only up against the Chokers.

  2. The Chappelli brothers haven’t played since the 2008 GF – makes a difference. Or are they playing for the under 9’s these days?

  3. Richard Naco says

    “Big Tommy H has a habit of leaving his kicking boots at home and having to use the spare pair – the ones with the nail in them”.


    We Are Geelong!

  4. Ken Richards says

    ‘…The Hawks have beaten The Cats in two high quality Grand Finals. Geelong have never beaten Hawthorn for a Premiership. ….’
    I seem to remember that the Cats 6th flag in 1963 was won against a team wearing a shit coloured uniforms strangely reminiscent of that now worn by the Mayblooms
    Perhaps the only way to obliterate the Kennett Curse is for the Hawks to lose to Geelong in a Grand Final. Either that or ritually sacrifice Jeffrey Gibb Kennett before the next encounter.

  5. I think the popular option would be the ritual sacrifice of Jeffrey Gibb Motormouth Ken. And I’d forgotten about 1963. Thanks for reminding me.

    Anyone notice the similarity of the Hawthorn loss to that which The Tigers suffered up in Cairns – right down to having playmaker Mitchell in the interchange enclosure during those crucial final minutes?

    and PeterB, what’s this about the changes for the Weagles? Do you think I should change my tip from them to The Anchormen?

  6. Keep the faith Mr Wrap.
    Woosha’s team namings are generally like opening the bidding in bridge. He opens with 3 spades and who knows where it ends up. So long as its not 6 No Trumps.
    My personal view based on nothing but years of observation is that Kerr’s dodgy hammies have caught up with him again and he will need at least 2 or 3 weeks rest. He played a half last week, spinning his wheels going nowhere. That doesn’t come right in 6 days in a 29YO.
    My worry is Cox. He is the spiritual and physical foundation of the team. That is hard to replace. When things are tight or N

  7. (Sorry either me or the laptop just had a brain fade – hope its not an omen).

    As I was saying – When things are tight or Nic Nat’s confidence drops (as it does in a young player) Cox is the Eagles go to man. His ankle can’t be right. Do you play him on painkillers to give you the best chance at top 4, or give his body the rest it needs? Dunno.
    My prediction is we win by 3 goals without Glass, Kerr and Rosa.
    Without Cox we win by 3 points – just because (like the Cats) we have more self belief in the clutches.
    Doubt it will be a classy spectacle – but the closeness will ensure its exciting.
    Go Eagles.

  8. I’m keeping the faith Pete.

    Just listening to the GWS match – the Pygmies are playing like Giants. And The Sons of The West are playing like The Boys of The Bulldog Breed. I’m thinking it’s one of those rounds in which the Bagmen pay off their bankcards, eh?

  9. GWS – I picked this. Pity the Hawks ruined my tipping in the first half hour of the round.

  10. Rick Kane says

    Dear Mr PB, I do believe that with just over 40 seconds left in the game last night your tipping sheet was still in the black. I believe the exaggerated prose in your previous post does not truly reflect said events in spirit and action. I do humbly request you retract, redact or reanimate your previously stated position to one that more closely resembles events as they (sadly) played out.

    Yours tearly

    Still Hurting, of Hawthorntown

  11. Do you play Cox on pain killers? Isn’t Woosher a coach and a chemist?

  12. Dear Mr Kane,
    Despite my perceptiveness re the Giants “Playing One for the Gipper”, I fear I can no longer lay the blame for my poor tipping at your boy’s feet.
    I’m off to hide the razor blades, pills and ropes before knocking the top off the Margaret River cab sauv.
    Les has been active these past few days. Pity.
    Maybe the Geelong and Wynyard Cats will see Mr Phantom on a 3 day bender that keeps him from the keyboard. Fingers crossed.
    Hope the Tigers lose so Mr Wrap and I can console each other.
    Off to walk the dog. Should be in Albany by morning.
    Thank God for Ch9 and the Olympics. The synchronised swimming has a whole new appeal.

  13. Sean Gorman says

    Pete B – Mitch Brown is the deadset Logie fav for best male lead in a ROM COM. Great day great win – WCE

  14. Horror movie you mean, Sean.
    Will you give Sandilands a run when he is fit? You structure and run better with Griffin and Bradley to my eye.
    Trade bait?

  15. Does the MRP have activation points for giving someone a crustie?

    Glorious, glorious stuff. Great work Freo.

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