AFL Round 3 – St. Kilda v Collingwood: Perfect Pies whomp woeful Saints

Collingwood Magpies vs St. Kilda Saints

7:50 P.M. Friday 17th April 2015

Melbourne Cricket Ground, Melbourne


I wasn’t feeling perfect going to the ‘G on Friday. I knew I should’ve taken the warnings.

I’d just eaten at a ramen store in Melbourne Central, and I was feeling horrible. I was spewing left right and centre. It was disgusting, and so were the Saints post Quarter Time.

I had a huge bragging rights thing going on. That Collingwood Girl had once again been frustrating me all week, and school wasn’t helping me relax. We just needed to get the game over with.

When we finally got to the ‘G, my sister and brother in law moved up to level 4, as I followed suit.

The first quarter had all the makings of a shootouts. 3 goals on the board in 4 minutes to the Saints. I was delighted at all the good play. The attack through the middle. But we let Collingwood in, and we’d trade goals until we led by a point at Quarter Time.

After that, it was a no show. The Saints failed to get their hands on the ball, and the Collingwood supporters around me were starting to relax. Shaking my head, yelling at the umpires, some of the free kicks were disgusting. They should be executed for even thinking about advertising OPSM. One of the most hypocritical advertising schemes in the 21st century.

Half time and we had kicked a miserly 7 points to Collingwood’s 6 goals in the Second. A little cheer up from my Bomber brother saying we needed to be strong, and our capability to do so, made me feel better. Collingwood’s dominance would not.

Tim Membrey opened the Saints account in the second half with a beauty from 50 on the angle. After that, it was all Collingwood. Storming up the ground, through the middle, getting further more free kicks, and a mark from Elliot that even my professional to be brother-in-law felt wasn’t there. Either way. The Pies got to 100 in no time flat. But, despite the 8 and a half goal deficit, I felt there was some kind of miracle waiting.

It didn’t happen. The Pies rammed home quick goals to put the Saints to sleep, and that was all she wrote as the group left before a tune of Good Old Collingwood Forever.

We were too late. The song burst out and as I walked through the stream of Saints and Pies fans, I started crying. Crying about ’09, ’10 and about our effort. If St. Kilda didn’t win tonight, I just wanted some bloody effort. Something that suggested four quarter footy. It wasn’t even close. It was more… 1 quarter footy.

My FTBBIL told me to stay faithful on the way home. It was ridiculous to cry over one game. But I’d lost the bragging rights, the game and, like St. Kilda, I didn’t know what to do. But I got over it, and I know soon there will be 2 Premierships in our cabinet.

One thing that DID amuse me throughout the game was Travis Cloke. There was a YouTube clip of him and Collingwood choking, a song made by Hawthorn supporters. As the music suggested, Collingwood DID get the ball to Cloke, but his kicking was woeful. He would miss one from 20 out, straight in front I’m sure I could kick, but he’d roost the ones 55 out on a slight angle. Watching him and the reactions of the Collingwood fans were quite a sight to see.

COLLINGWOOD 6.2 12.6 16.10 21.14 (140)
ST KILDA 6.3 7.4 8.6 10.6 (66)

Collingwood: Cloke 5, Elliott 4, Dwyer 2, Varcoe, Crisp, Swan, Broomhead, Gault, White, Grundy, Blair, Oxley, Karnezis
St Kilda: Bruce 2, Armitage 2, Roberton, Saad, Geary, Sinclair, Steven, Membrey

Collingwood: Swan, Elliott, Pendlebury, Grundy, Oxley, Crisp, Cloke
St Kilda: Steven, Armitage, Roberton, Newnes, Savage, Dunstan

Umpires: Fisher, Nicholls, Mollison

Official crowd: 45,197 at the MCG


  1. Good on you Andy for manning up to write about a shocker by your boys. very hard for kids to play well with a solid core of experience. They looked lost without Riewoldt’s leadership. I have noticed some of the promising young Geelong players like Duncan going backwards now that the older players are struggling. Its easy to be a bit player and contributor to a good team, but much harder when you are the one expected to win the ball inside the contest.
    Like you I am just hoping for a consistent effort and competitiveness from my Eagles tomorrow. If I get dodgy sushi on the way to the game I may just go home and not write about it!

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