Almanac Footy: Essendon 2026 – Happy are they who Believe

 

Happy Easter to all who celebrate.

 

For Essendon fans, faith is in short supply. With Easter being about new life and renewal, I present this highly blasphemous re-telling of the resurrection from the Gospel of Matthew, in the hopes that we Essendon supporters may have our faith in our football team renewed.

 

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

 

There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

 

The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Brad Scott who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into the Docklands for the game against the Doggies. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”

 

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Scotty met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Brad said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell the players to go to Docklands; there they will see me.”

 

While the women were on their way, some of the guards went into the city and reported to Damien Barrett, Kane Cornes and Caroline Wilson everything that had happened. When they met with Andrew Dillon and devised a plan, they gave selected members of the footy industry a large sum of money, telling them, “You are to say, ‘His disciples came during the night and stole him away while we were asleep. He’s lost the playing group and this is just typical Essendon smoke and mirrors.’ If this report gets to Sheeds, we will satisfy him and keep you out of trouble.”

 

So the soldiers took the money and did as they were instructed. And this story has been widely circulated among the footy public to this very day. Then the team to play the Western Bulldogs went to Docklands Stadium, to the change rooms where Brad Scott had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Scotty came to them and said, “All authority of the footy department has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, get them to take out a membership in the name of the Albert Thurgood, Tim Watson and of R.S Reynolds, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

 

Let us pray.

 

More from Stone Cold Baker can be read Here.

 

 

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