It is Grand Final Day 2028. The first daytime grand final in years. The decision had been made not to allow kids to watch the game, or for fans to have BBQs, but because new government legislation now bans night-time sporting events to save power, unless there are cultural sensitivities and an exemption has been granted. It is just as well. Sydney has been in the grip of power outages for several weeks. The weather has been unseasonably wet. There have been demonstrations in the city, peaceful, led by the “Greens” and “Teals,” accusing the government of not doing enough about the roll out of renewable energy. Despite this, the fans have turned up in their droves for what is expected to be a great contest.
At full time, however, the scoreboard reads, Penrith New Guinea Chiefs, 46, South Sydney Rabbitohs, 12. It had been an even contest, until the Souths five eighth, the most experienced player on the field, had been sin-binned for throwing the ball at Isaah Yeos’ head. He can be heard on the audio calling Yeo a “grub”. From twelve all, it becomes a procession as the Chiefs run in try after try.
Nathan Cleary, the Chiefs’ halfback, receives the El Masri Medal—previously known as the Churchill Medal—for being the player of the match. This too is a recent change. The NRL and the PM have provided an explanation in this manner.
“Well, it was a tough decision. Now that Joyce has passed, and Joyce and I were great friends, it was time for a change. Most people, including me, cannot remember watching Clive play. The “Churchill Medal“ sounds more like something you would win in war time GB than contemporary, multi-cultural Australia. Also, people were referring to it as “The Clive”. We did not want people to think it had anything to do with that other Clive. We needed someone new, that is a true representation of modern Australia. I told Peter and Andrew that if they wanted me to keep sharpening my pencil for the NRL, that they should agree.”
Nathan is celebrating with his new wife, Mary Cleary, having photographs taken by the media. Jarome Luii and Brian To’o are doing some sort of jig in front of the grandstand. Pat Carrigan and Cooper Bai are starting their lap of Honour. Cooper is arm in arm with his father, Marcus, who has been heavily involved in the establishment of the PNG franchise. Losing coach, Wayne Bennett, sits stony faced in the coach’s box. It is a bitter pill for him to swallow. He had just recently signed a new 10-year contract with the Bunnies, saying he will be “South Sydney till I die”. He did not rule out staying on after the 10 years expired. Great news for Souths fans.
The fans are dispersing, many of them making the long trek back to the city on foot, due to the high fuel prices and the lack of trains. Services had been halved, due to the 50% pay increase awarded to rail workers earlier in the year. Some are buying illegal cigarettes from men with vans parked near the ground.
Not long after the lap of honour had been completed, the PM, Anthony Albanese, makes his way down to the dressing rooms to console the Souths players and congratulate the winners. As he and his security team near the South sheds, they encountered Ismael—a burly security guard—standing in the doorway and blocking their path.
“Sorry Sir, you can’t come in.”
“There must be some misunderstanding, I am the Prime Minister and number one ticket holder for Souths,” says the bewildered PM.
“OK, I will check again,” says Ismael. He opens the door and is met by an angry “Regina Rabbit,” (another new rule that legislated that all teams must have equal representation of team mascots).
“Go and drink some winners p@#s, Albo, we don’t want you in here.”
A paper airplane comes flying out of the door and lands at the PM’s feet. He picks it up, it is an ATO tax return for the individual’s form. Ismael says “I am sorry they will not let you in, Sir, but thank you for letting me in. My family and I love it here.”
“That is great news, mate, glad to hear it.”
As the Prime Minister heads to the PNG dressing room to offer congratulations to the winners, a reporter and camera crew intercept him to request an interview. “PM, what are your thoughts on the GF?”
“Absolutely wonderful day, I thought the pre-game entertainment was outstanding, how good were those Chinese Acrobats? What a great win by PNG. I am incredibly happy for them.”
“What do you say to the critics that claim you have created an uneven playing field, which gives PNG a huge advantage?”
“That is absolute rubbish. They are a small, poor country taking on the might of Australia.”
Is tax-free money too big of an advantage?”
“There is absolutely no evidence to support that. They still had to go out and head hunt Ivan, Nathan, Isaih, and Patty.”
“Do you think “head hunt” is an appropriate term to use?”
“S@#%, who are you with?”
“The ABC.”
“Thank God for that, can we start again, and can I have that tape please?”
“Yes, of course Prime Minister.”
The losing coaches press conference is a brief, sombre, affair. A couple of questions, not much response. Understandable in the circumstances. Most journalists have stopped turning up to Wayne’s press conferences. The winning coach, Ivan Cleary, is more forthcoming.
“This is a momentous day for PNG and the taxpayers of Australia. They have some value for their money for a change.”
Now readers, I do not fancy myself as the next George Orwell or Alvin Toffler. However, you must admit it is an interesting scenario. Let me know your thoughts.
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Bit of a right wing floooog it seems to me. As for the ABC, it popularised rugby league in Canberra and beyond when nobody outside of Sydney knew what it was. There’s a lot of Bolshies lurking around Landline, The Country Hour and Songs of Praise, so beware…