AFL Round 23: The Wrap

What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  On Friday night, the much awaited clash between Ladder Leaders Hawthorn and The West Coast Eagles was over by the 1^st Huddle.  The Weagles fought their way back into the contest, but couldn’t put any real scoreboard pressure on The Flag Favourites.

Saturday saw TRP make a September Statement that the other seven clubs to make the cut would ignore at their peril.  Adelaide & North Melbourne did what had to be done to put the GCFC & GWS’s respective seasons in perspective.  Carringbush provided the same service for Essendon – eventually.  To finish off Saturn’s Day, The Anchormen provided the Fred Hesse Annihilation Scoreboard against The Hapless & Hopeless Demons.

Come Sunday and The Miseries gave a yelp as Brett Ratten sat in the coaches box for the last time for The Old Dark Navy Blues.  The Tiges continued to throw away victory as they drew with The Power From Port to send TLSPRF into the Long Dark Summer wondering why they bother year after bl**dy year.  And to wind up proceedings for this year’s Home & Away Rounds, The Brisbane Lions were the ones who Gave Out A Mighty Roar up at The Gabbatoir as they closed off what can only be described as a dog of a year for The Western Canines.

Maggot Watch.  The deliberate out-of-bounds is still in vogue, although its application has been tempered somewhat.  There’s a tendency to swallow the whistle, and this is seeing some absolute howlers missed.  Here’s hoping Maggot Central can get together a few good teams for September.

“It’s hard to know whether they got ahead of themselves, whether the injuries caught up with them, whether the training load caught up with them, or whether they’re ready to perform for 22 weeks with the group that we’ve got.  We’ll all sit down at the end of the year and have good look at the reasons we think we tipped over at the end”.  You got it yet?  No, it wasn’t Field Marshall Haig after the Second Battle of the Somme.  It was the presiding coach at Bomberland, their very own James Hird.  Steady Jimmy, let’s not rush things here.  How about a Bex, a cup of tea and a good lie down first.

In the same breath, speaking of “The Weapon”, he said “He’s got a contract for another couple of years and we’ll be working with him next year”.  Check us on this one would you please Jimbo – our memory’s not as good as it used to be – but didn’t Matty Knights had a year to go on his contract when he was paid out?

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s running free after Round XXIII

The Unsociable Hawks v The High Flying Eagles.  With a blistering Opening Stanza, The Hawks sealed this one early.  Buddy had four, had assisted in two others and The Eddie Eagles were six goals in arrears.  But the purple patch was never going to last against opposition of this quality.  The Visitors steadied and were clawing their way back into the contest before a couple of late majors sent The Homeside into the shed holding a handy five goal break.  The Championship Quarter was an arm wrestle with both defences stacked.  The Coasters were never going to win from there.  The Hawks either tired or lost concentration – or both.  Once they fell back into chipping it across the backline they were always going to lose ground.  While they may have missed a chance to stamp their authority over one of their main September Challengers, their main worry will be Brent Guerra’s hamstring.  But there’s more to the Hawthorn Football Club than the team.  This is a powerhouse club that has a professional attitude and a business plan for the 21^st Century.  Honoured to be invited to join the GoldenBrown Horde, The Wrap Team was impressed with The Hawk’s set warm-up and professional demeanour.  It’s as good a value as pre-match entertainment, with sprints and interaction with its members.  It should be no surprize to know that they number over sixty thousand.  And boy, are they rabid?  Fair dinkum, the Free Settlers have got nothing on this mob when they pull the cord on those Leafblowers.  And let’s face it, the lime-shirted adjudicators gave them plenty to roar about.  It didn’t impact on the result, but it did thwart The Maybloom’s momentum when glaring forward-fifty frees were denied them.  Not to mention cruelling the match as a spectacle.  The bottom line from this one is that The Mustard Pots line up against The Maggies in the QF and The Aquilas have North over there.

The Pivotonians v The Bloods.  Even though this one was never in doubt, it was an arm wrestle of sorts for a good period of the match.  However, once The Cats started to purr it was good night nurse.  They may have been lucky not to lose Chappy & Stevie J.  The Swans weren’t so lucky.  Heath Grundy’s rush of blood has cost him a seat in the bus to Adelaide next Sunday.  The Pussies line up The Stevedores in Bleak City.

The Pride of South Australia v the Metermaids.  The Chardonnays kicked The Sweep.  Dangerfield got two votes, Ablett two and Thompson one – but that’s only from the commentators.  We won’t know how the umpies gave them until Blondes’ Night.  The Blackbirds with the poor public image will host The Swans at Crow Park next Sunday in the 2^nd Qualifying Final.

GWS v The Shinboners.  Not a great preparation for a trip to Perth next week it should be said.  But certainly something with which to whip the Boys.  The Pygmies finish off the season with their first trophy – The Coveted Sylvan Shield.  The Roos have to hop across the Nullarbor to tackle The High Flying Eddie Eagles the Sunday arvo.

The Human Hamstrings v The Collywobbles.  The Hammies formed a fist for the first time for a few months and it gave them as much of a fright as it did their Opponents.  In fact it frightened their Opponents so much that they lost their radar.  But not the match.  However, fourteen goals 20 behinds won’t serve them too well against The Mayblooms next Friday night.  But did you pick it up too?  When Monfries found himself being pecked by half a dozen Magpies, no one in Red&Black rushed in to help out.  Imagine that being allowed to happen in Doug Bigelow’s Day.

The Anchormen v The Fuchsias.  More satanic than devilish, the MFC is entering the moribund stage.  With all the Appalling Football League’s medical team working day and night to create Frankenstein’s up in Wally World and out in the Shadows of The Blue Mountains, there’s really no assistance in sight for The Grand Old Flag from that quarter.  But it’s more than that.  Their team lacks capability and since the tragically premature passing of Jimmy Stynes, the club appears leaderless.  Furthermore. their members watch mainly from the comfort and amenity of the Cricket Club.  This is a club in limbo, and we’re sorry for all those Little Redlegs out there, but you’re going to need a triple by-pass if those Hearts Are Going to Beat True over the next half decade and beyond.  The Stevedores pack their bags for next Saturday night’s Elimination Final against The Handbags.

The Team That Never Lets You Down v The Feeling Faints.  This was a match that needn’t have been played at all.  Neither side could make it through to September.  The Carlton Fans didn’t need another humiliation.  That Rattz didn’t come out to farewell the True Believers and the Football World was, in our view, poor form.  And the niggly manner in which the game was played, at Carlton’s instigation, didn’t do much for their reputation either.  Such as it is.  In fact, if nothing further untoward happens between now and the end of September, the 2012 antics of the Only Team All Carlton Knows will have earned them this season’s Fevola Medal.  As for The Feeling Faints – they’ve missed out on September for the first time since 2007, but have bedded down a new coach and can do something about its list over the draft period.  Hope beams eternal.

The Wasps v The Power.  The Tigers announced that they had secured the services of Chokko Williams for 2013.  Students of The Game have suggested that the coach that helped give Port Adelaide the nickname The Chokers is a perfect fit for Richmond.  After yet another game thrown away, they go to the Draft Table a couple of places better off than some of their main rivals for The Eight next season.  Port too showed they can play the game, and that Alberton Oval is not the black hole as has been suggested.  Jay Shultz slotted four against his old club – one from a screamer in the goalsquare – and Davey Rodan drilled the one that brought the margin back to a point with a minute to go.  Jack took the Coleman with a sixpack and Trent Cotchin was judged BoG by the commentators.  Hopefully The Tiges can take out the consolation medal double and set themselves for a Norm Smith and XXII Premiership Medallions in the not too distant future.  The Club is confident that it’s plugged a couple of holes in defence and in attack and is looking forward to Season 2013.

The Lion Kings v The Miniature Schnauzers.  The Lion is back.  Make no mistake.  They beat whom they should have and took a couple of prize scalps as well.  They’re quietly going about their business as Boss Voss learns on the job.  One to watch in 2013.  Sadly, the story’s not so optimistic for The Sons of The West.  They rely too much on their Old Brigade, and this Old Brigade, without support from the youngsters, is growing weary.  They’ve got a new coach and it may take time for him to build a new Bulldog team the way he wants it.  He comes well credentialed and we can only wish him and The Long Suffering Whitten Oval Faithful all the very best for the future.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.