AFL Round 16 – Preview: The Pre-Wrap



What a week it’s been in Footy Wrappers.  The Green EDGE bides its time on Le Tour; and The Baggy Green springs the trap against Ye Olde Enemy.  Go you Aussie Good Things; put a gap in ‘em.

Out at the northern end of Royal Parade – as the stark reality that they may have hired the wrong gun sinks in – you’d be excused for thinking the temperature might be rising in the overstocked boardroom.  No cracks showing yet, but the sainted Leonard Cohen will tell you: There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.

There’s No Justice In The World Department.  The Bagmen aren’t actually shouting it from the rooftops, but the word is starting to filter through.  Our mole out at Melrose Drive has it that The Bombers will lose draft picks and be heavily fined, but no points will be lost and no players suspended.

But the question swept under the carpet has to be; should The Pharmaceuticals be stripped of their points, what happens to all the money won or lost on the outcomes of the matches involved?

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who is going to be venting their spleen after Round XVI.

Collingwood v The Pride of South Australia at THOF tonight.  The Crows were stiff last week but luck won’t come into it tonight.  The Pies are scolding hot and have regained Beams.  There are still doubters in The Carringbush Camp, but they’re not of the slightest concern to Coach Figjam.  He knows what he’s doing, and will coach The Woodsmen to another percentage boosting win as he launches The Maggies toward a Top Four Finish.  The $1.16 looks pretty secure too.

Port Power v The Mayblooms in the Shadows of Mt Lofty for the early one on Saturday.  The Hawks, by their lofty standards, got carved up last week.  They’ve regained Guerra and dropped Sewell from the side that was slapped around by The Handbags last week.  The Tealers put up a good show against The Flying Syringes last week, but in the end were worn down by class.  Even on the windswept tundra of Footy Park they’ll find The Mustard Pots too much of a handful – especially without the aggression of Westie.  And at $1.18, the Leafblower Faithful & SOTG should be down to their local caring investment advisor to cash in on this bonanza.

The Pivotonians v The Redlegs at Corio Oval at the traditional time.  The Dees are getting better every week.  But then again, so are The Moggies.  With Ming The Merciless paling into insignificance by comparison, Geelong to provide the Fred Hesse Annihilation Scoreboard for Round XVI.

The Striped Marvels v the Sunbeams up at Cazaly Stadium in the late afternoon.  The Tiges have made a meal of this trip in the past, and it’s know around Punt Road as Benny’s Blight.  Over the last couple of years they’ve banked the cheque, but there was no laughing on the way to the bank.  The Metermaids must give themselves a chance as they’ve regained the Little Master, and have tradition on their side.  But we’re sticking with The Marvels around here in the Wrapcave.  We’re not taking any of the $1.22 on offer, but that’s only because we’re superstitious.  They’ve been able to include Big Maric, Ricky Petterd, and the rookie Arnot.  Eat ‘em alive Tigers!!!

The Miseries v The Feeling Faints under cover on Saturday night.  The Saints have already pulled the rug out from under The Silvertails once this season; can they do it again?  They’ve regained Nasty Milne & St Riewoldt.  The Blues have lost Waite and dropped Casboult.  The Bagmen are waving us in with $1.33 for The Homeside, but even if we had any spare Monopoly money we’d keep it in our pocket.  The question is, can The Seaford Seagulls pull off another Famous Victory?  They’ve been hot & cold all season, but St Kilda insiders are happy with the way Scotty Watters is taking them.  Look, it may seem foolhardy, but we feel The Gulls are in with a chance in this one.  If Lenny Hayes can outplay Judd, Stinky Milne gets his game right, and The Sainters close down the Blues’ running game, they can cause an upset.  But we’re sorry Sainters, The Bluebaggers are OTR.  That doesn’t mean we don’t wish you well, but surely The Only Team All Visy knows can’t be that bad.  They’ve been thereabouts in three of their last four outings against some elite competition.  They even managed a draw against The Bye.  Surely they can bounce back.  Of course, if they don’t you can expect to hear some rumblings along La Via Lygon.

The Lions v The Kangaroos at The Gabbatoir Park on Saturday night.  The Lions have mauled a couple of top sides this season, and are no pushovers.  It was only in Round XIII that they blitzed The Pussies in the closing stages to snatch a Memorable Victory.  That having been said, The Norsemen have discovered a lost stash of the Live Giving Elixir buried deep under The Arden Street Gasometer.  They’ll have a fight on their hands, but as they desperately try to salvage something from Season 2013, they’ll storm home in this one.  Sure there’s risk involved, but at $1.48 they’re worth a punt.

The Inner East v The Greater West, on The Other Cricket Ground for the early one on Sunday.  They’re trying to market this one as a grudge match.  Good luck with that.  Sydney.  And you can put the rent money on the $1.01 being flouted.

The Labradoodles v The Flying Peptides undercover on Sunday arvo.  The Doggies have been involved in a couple of close ones over the last fortnight.  They dropped one to The Dees and snatched one from The Orangemen.  There’s not going to be anything close about this one.  And did you blink too, when you saw the odds – $1.10.  Grab as much as you can get.  Unless of course, you’re worried that should Essendon have their points docked, all winnings have to be refunded.  (Good luck with that too – Ed)

The Eddie Eagles v The Mean Machine over on the sunblessed Western Extremity of The Fatal Shore.  A tough one this.  The Weagles, sitting at Glorious 9th, are knocking on the door.  They pulled last week’s match against The Free Settlers out of the fire.  Can they keep their damp squid of a season off the pyre with a Famous Victory against their Blood Enemy?  They have the ruck dominance and a powerful forward set-up.  They’ll miss Kerr in the midfield, but they know all about Ballyntine & Crowley.  Maggot McInerney is a no nonsense sort of a bloke, and with the Beitzel counting as close as ever, he’ll want to get on top of any shenanigans early; and as the senior maggot he’ll lead the others in their decision making.  Geelong showed how Freo can be shut down, and we’re say The Screaming Eagles will do the same.  Glass v Pavlich will be critical to the outcome, and West Coast’s ability to out pressure The Stevedores.  And at $2.55, The Coasters are the Wrap Roughie of The Round.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

Move over Camus, Steinbeck, Einstein & Orwell.  Even Freud & Huxley.  We’ve become Beliebers here in Wrapland.  And why wouldn’t you?  This just has to be the way into The Brave New World.  Let’s have a goosy gander at some of the parables of the outpourings of this 21st Century Pied Piper.

Not trying to be arrogant, but if I walked down the street and a girl saw me, she might take a look back because maybe I’m good-looking, right?

I want my world to be fun.  No parents, no rules, no nothing.  Like, no one can stop me.  No one can stop me.

If I can do just one tenth of the good Michael Jackson did for others, I can really make a difference in this world.

Young people in the business have grown up and made the wrong decisions, or bad decisions, and haven’t been good role models.  To be someone that people look up to is important to me.

Keep those jokes & letters coming in Wrappers.  Here’s one from the very heart of Carringbush.  Your Maggies are doing very well there Jim.  You’d be a belieber in the Buck’s Way wouldn’t you?  He’ll carry you to the stars, Bucks will.

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.

Now, I have a $1,00,000 home, a $100,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 69-year-old woman.  It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”

My wife is a very reasonable woman.  She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems.

Boom!  Boom!  Now we can all get some sleep.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Well said Mr Wrap, apart from your feeble defence (somehow appropriate) of your Tiggers north of the Tropic of Capricorn.
    As a student of history, you should know that “The Brisbane Line” decreed that there was nothing worth fighting for north of Brisbane. Not even 4 points. I expect General Staff will order another strategic withdrawal by your boys on the weekend.

  2. The Wrap says

    Don’t you worry about those Tiggers Mr B. They’ll bounce back. I’d be more concerned about your mob. Better get the Avenging Eagle to warm up those tonsils and turn up the volume. The Wedgies are going to need every bit of encouragement they can call on come Sunday. Then there’s the added burden of Wrap Roughie of The Week they’ll have to drag around with them all day.

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