AFL Round 15 – Pre-Wrap: Entering the home straight round



What a week it’s been in Footy Wrappers.  We’d made a pledge here in the Wrapcave; we were not going to mention peptides or lost points until the Ayatollah got back.  There’s just too much smoke being blown about from this one to see anything very clearly.  And are we alone in suspecting that the Great Helmsman has timed his annual leave to sit back and observe which way the wind’s blowing the aforementioned smoke?  (Is that what they call a smoke signal Wrap? – Ed)  I thought we’d agreed Ed; I was going to have the smart lines this week.  We were just going to leave you with one question to ponder though.  Why does a player who runs around 15K on match day and about the same, or more, through the week at training, plus weights, need an anti-obesity drug?

We were going to make it two questions to ponder, while we await the return of Pontius Pilate.  The second was going to be hands up those who feel the running sheet on the enquiry isn’t looking too rosy for the Bombers, and that we’re being primed for an unsympathetic AFL response to the findings.  (Bob Hawke made a career out of it Wrap; turning up on the white horse with the solution when everyone had exhausted themselves – Ed.)  But it now comes to light, thanks to the persistent probing of The Sage Investigative Team, that rosy doesn’t come into it.  This is looking positively gory for the good ship Whingy Hill and who sail under the Black & Red Flag.  (I see The Sage has thrown their top crime reporter John Silvester onto the case Wrap – Ed.)  Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, and in this modern secular age, you just never know when he’s going to come down the chimney, do you now.

If you thought the booing of St Jobe was in poor taste, it raises the question; if it was right to hold Nasty Milne out of the game for a few weeks to save him from The Mob, shouldn’t we be offering the same sympathetic course to The Flying Syringes?

We asked Sir Frank Downright for a comment on behalf of the club’s legal representatives, Downright Lie & Procrastinate.  He said they were quite relaxed about it all out at Bomberland.  You could be excused for wondering if valium was one of the pharmaceuticals on the Dons’ shopping list.

And does it appear to you that the Appalling Football League’s little scheme to keep Essendon’s participation in Season 2013 viable until a couple of weeks before the finals may have backfired?  Looking strong suspending them, and have the whole thing blow over in time for the September Bash.  Surely ASADA can dig up the same evidence as The Sage journos.  How much are they being paid?  (I hope you mean that in the nicest possible way Wrap – Ed.)  Surely they’re employed full time aren’t they?  And just as surely, if not why not?  And if you thought the shenanigans up the Shadows of Black Mountain were a farce – that was just life copying sport once more.  (It’s a fine line – just a little twist – before farce becomes disgrace – Ed.)  We’ve well and truly crossed that line now Oh Chiefly One; well and truly.  If Pontius Pilate isn’t on the next available Flying Kangaroo back to Jellymont House you’d think the Commission would be well within its rights to award him the DCM.

But let’s leave these shameful events behind us for a while and talk about something more uplifting.  Yes Nurelle, the Saggy Green is more uplifting right now than the shameful deceit we’ve been fed from Jellymont House these last six months or so.  Boof has them uniting as a team and it’s looking like they realise, 1) that The To & Froms are beatable, and 2) that they have it in themselves to be the ones to beat them.  Just suck up those emails with the addresses.  Their time is coming.

Then there’s Le Tour.  Go you Aussie Good Things; put a gap in ‘em.  Let’s not put the mozz on the GreenEDGE, but wouldn’t it be marvellous, eh?

An undisclosed but normally well-informed source has told us that there is another contender for the Fevola Medal.  No amount of cajoling or bribery could get the snout to grass, other than to say watch this space.  All he would reveal was that it was bigger than The Bombers!!!  Although he did confirm that the Ayatollah wasn’t spying for the Russians.

Vale Graham Johncock.  And Nathan Lovett-Murray.  Two of The Game’s quiet achievers.  And two of the hardest men at the ball you’d ever want to come across.  Loyal servants of Adelaide & Essendon.  The Football World salutes you.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who is going to be able to red-hot keen after Round XV.

Carlton v Collingwood at THOF tonight.  A heap of changes for both teams.  You’d have to say Carrazzo, Murphy & McInnes bring more with them than Krakouer, Reid, Young & Witts.  There are rumours of an unhappy locker room at the Westpac Centre, and they’ve certainly dropped off in intensity over the last few rounds.  Can they lift for this Rivalry Match?  They’re going to have to.  Mickey & The Silvertails desperately need a win.  And we’re going to say they’ll get one.  They’ve been so stiff this season you could drive as nail into them.  And doesn’t your heart go out to the Bluebagger Faithful?  Slow starts followed by fast finishes that just didn’t make the line.  When they’ve been in control early, they’ve let the match slip away.  Surely they have to get it right at least once this season.  And what better night than with all of Melbourne watching.  The Bagmen have them out at $1.85 – and The Monochromes at $1.95 – but you wouldn’t risk a tram fare on either of these mugs. 

GWS v The Doggies in the National Capital for the early one tomorrow.  It has to be The Sons of The West.  Even without Franklin The Giants haven’t the bulk or experience to run with The Tricolours all day.  Although the way The Scrays have been playing, you’d have a good hard think about them at $1.24 before you reached for your purse.

The Shinboners v Struggletown under cover at the traditional time.  The Tiges have been in some encouraging form since the break, but they really haven’t been tested.  The Norsemen, with their backs well & truly to the wall should give them a good test.  The Roos have played to The Tigers well over the last few years, and The Striped Marvels will need to be on their mettle. They’ve regain Vlastuin while The Funnyboners will be without their ace goal sneak Thomas.  Aaron Edwards is in scintillating form and will be keen to let North knows all about it.  The Tiges again from here deep in the Wrapcave.  And at $1.45 they’re well worth a look.

Brisbane v The Coast up in the Lions’ Den in the gathering sub-tropical gloom.  This is a real tipster’s nightmare.  The Wrap florin came down heads for The Maroons, but when we noticed that they’d dropped Carmichael we realized just how serious The Sunbeams were to win this round of the Cane Toad Bowl.   Brissy has regained Raines but lost Black, and Jonathon Brown’s not getting any younger.  We’re going for the Metermaids, and at $2.65 they’d have to be The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

The Mayblooms v The Handbags on The Paddock That Grew on Saturday night.  It doesn’t get any bigger than this Wrappers, eh?  The Hawkers have brought in Bailey, Puopolo & Rioli to replace the injured Ellis, Shiels & Ceglar.  The Cats are unchanged from the combination that unravelled Fremantle last week.  Pass me the Wrap Florin please Nurelle.  I know we’re supposed to analyse the game, but it would all be waffle.  The team that wins this will be the team the Football Gods have anointed.  And it’s my guess that they have leaning towards The Family Club.  The Bagmen concur.  It’s on HD with professional callers or the el cheapo version on crappy digital with Brucie Boy’s melodious tones.

The Free Settlers v The Screaming Eagles at Crow Park on Saturday night.  It doesn’t get any easier does it, eh?  The Coasters were brave against The Peptides last week, but can they get up and do it all again over in the Shadows of Mt Lofty?  Both sides will be desperate to keep in touch of the Eight.  With a vacancy possible should the Appalling Football League act in the interests of justice, a loss here would be costly. The Coasters look stronger in attack but The Chardonnays look to have the midfield edge.  Look, this is anybody’s game, but we’re leaning towards The Eddie Eagles because they can kick goals and have Nick Nat Nui.  (He should be eager to repay the team for his absence in the Final Stanza last week, when a half decent effort may have made all the difference – Ed.) 

Bleak City v Sin City on The People’s Ground. For the early one on Sunday.  It would be nice to say The Dees are improving and are in this one with a show, but that would be disingenuous.  The Lakers comfortably.  Take them to kick The Sweep and it will be interesting to see if they can pull more than Footscray v GWS at Manuka Oval.

The Barry Crockers v The Feeling Faints over there on Sunday arvo.  The Bagmen aren’t giving much away here, but at $1.04 grab as much as you can get.

The Bombers v Port Adelaide under cover to close off Round XV.  As romantic as a Port Adelaide victory would be, but even with the burden they’re carrying, it looks like a win for Shoeless Jim’s Peptides.  Cassissi’s absence will hurt The Tealers more than Crameri’s absence will compromise The Dons’ line-up.  But investment is not recommended.  We still don’t know how far that Old Port Adelaide Aggression will carry the Boys From Alberton.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

Reflecting on life has many benefits.  If nothing else it helps us understand our role in the cosmos.

The laws are not to change the heart, but to restrain the heartless – Martin Luther King

Ask the experienced rather than the learned – Arabic Proverb

These people coached AFL Teams.

‘Nobody in football should be called a genius.  A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.’ (Mick Malthouse – Footscray, West Coast, Collingwood, Carlton, TBA).

‘He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.'(Kevin Sheedy on James Hird – Essendon & GWS).

‘Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.’?(Mark Williams – Port Adelaide).

‘I never comment on umpires and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.’ (Terry Wallace – Footscray & Richmond).

Boom!  Boom!  Now we can all get some sleep.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Basso Divor says

    Dear Wrap,
    thanks for the always terrific insight and analysis of the round, however I think the attribution of those quotes to AFL coaches is somewhat apocryphal.
    Humorous as they are, a quick search engine job will attribute the listed quotes to Joe Theismann, Lou Duva, John Arlott and Ron Atkinson – respectively.

  2. The Wrap says

    Thanks Basso. It looks like I’ve been duped. They were sent in by a fellow Wrapper, and all innocence I’ve injected them into the column. I’m sure he sent them in in all innocence as well. It just goes to show how easily it can happen.

    Makes you feel like the Essendon Football Club a bit; the victim of an innocent misunderstanding.

Leave a Comment