AFL Round 14 – preview: The Pre-Wrap



What a week it’s been in Footy Wrappers.  Do you have the same sort of trouble we had here in the Wrapcave this week?  Can you believe that the final episode of that long running Canberra soapy – Snake In The Grass – was out rated by another longwinded saga, Bury My Heart at Whingy Hill. The latest episode of The Hill was an absolute thriller, and we can’t help but feel that there’s going to be tears when the network finally drops the curtain on this enthralling series of bluster, deceit, betrayal & denial.  In Episode 14 they became the 5th side this season to smash the sandcastle previously known as Fortress Subiaco, to record their second thrilling Victory in The West.  Sitting very nicely in second spot, The Pharmaceuticals look every bit a challenger for TLSIS.  The Knowledgeable Screaming Eagle Faithful left no one in doubt as to where they sat in the debate raging over the legitimacy of The Flying Syringes.  Their constant booing whenever the Essendon Skipper took possession became a bit repetitive after 29 times, not to mention boring, and may have acted as a spur rather than a distraction.  Far from it for us to add to the swirling peptide of claims & counterclaims, other than to suggest that the Appalling Football League appears to be digging itself into a bit of a hole; a hole that is deepening every day as precedent after precedent of action in similar circumstances emerges.  Could we suggest – respectfully of course – that the scheduling of the Ayatollah’s annual leave may be ill timed?

But if you want a real crisis, go no further than Merry Englande where The Saggy Greens are fast morphing as The Shabby Greens.  Maybe it’s a devilishly cunning ruse by Cricket Australia, but while deceit is in their nature, it’s more the nature of self-delusion.  Batten down the hatches or change your email address boys & girls, this is going to a wild storm we’re going to have to weather.

No more will we have to hear soliloquies as to why Mark Webber has not won a GP championship despite driving for the all-conquering Scuderia Toro Rosso.  Bought himself a Porsche and is looking toward a quieter more rewarding life.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who is going to be seen in Round XIV.

Sydney v The Miseries up in Sin City tonight.  The Carlton Coach had a few words of advice to offer the Football World in general & The Supreme Ruler in particular during the week – on how the Melrose Flat scandal should be handled.  Curious timing.  With heads rolling everywhere, when his came up on the screen we honestly thought he was either sacked or he was going to announce he’d taken Mrs Wrap’s advice to chuck it all in to spend more time with the grandkids.  With The Bloods OTR he’ll probably wished he had by later tonight.  Both Captains are out injured and the recalcitrant Yarron is back in favour.  The Blues will make a good account of themselves, they always do, but no cigar again.  Up there at Moore Park Road The Swans will be just too good all around in this one.  And if you’ve recovered from last week’s mauling, here’s a chance to – @ $1.33 – claw back some of your capital.

The Sunbeams v The Pride of South Australia on the Metricon Ride for the early one tomorrow.  When you see Richard Tambling as an emergency you know The Chardonnays are scraping the bottom of the barrel.  The Abletts are growing in Self Belief every week and even with a stack of changes Moss Trooper couldn’t jump over will be too good for The Crows.  And you’d ride your bike down from Indooroopilly to catch Dangerfield & The Little Master going at it hammer & tongs, wouldn’t you?

The Port Adelaide Magpies v The Carringbush Magpies at West Lakes on Saturday in the gathering gloom.  Coach Hinckley’s got The Power playing with plenty of that old Port Adelaide Aggression, and more importantly, with heaps of Self Belief.  The Woodsmen are also without Jolly & Reid, and have dropped Oxley.  Ball, Hudson & Russell pull on the Black&White Verticals in their place.  The Homeside have been able to recall Boak & Trengove.  Look, it’s not that we don’t believe in the  Coach Figjam narrative around there at Victoria Park, it’s just that we believe more in what KH’s doing at Alberton oval.  We’re going for The Tealers in an absolute thriller. And at $3.30 they’d have to be the Wrap Roughie of The Round.

The Sleepy Hollow Millionaires v The Purple Haze down at Corio Oval for Bruce’s Saturday night call.  Rossy Lyon couldn’t have picked a worse time to call in to check out the new lighting system at Kardinia Park.  Chris Scott has been in a filthy mood since last weekend, and Stevie J’s unjust treatment at the Star Chamber on Tuesday night wouldn’t have helped much either.  The absence of Mundy & Barlow would just about square the ledger there, and The Stevedores can expect no mercy.  The Handbaggers, in a mean mood, to lead at every change and pull away by the end to the cheers of their adoring Hometown Faithful.  .

The Melbourne Devils v The Sons of The West at THOF on Saturday night.  The Doggies took a bath last week, but even though their decision-making was as poor as it’s execution, they lacked nothing in endeavour.  Their opponents on the other hand were as lamentable under their new coach as they had been under their old one.  This match’s tailor made for the Boys of the Bulldog Breed.  Footscray.

The Paid-up Proud & Passionate v The Lion Kings down in Van Diemans Land for the early one on Sunday.  Sorry Roy Boys.  From a box of Old Gold one week to a bag of boiled lollies the next.  It’s The Mayblooms for us here in Wrapland, and the mortgage money will be safe in their capable hands.

The Funnyboners v GWS under cover mid-afternoon on Sunday.  North will be smarting from their humiliation over in Perth last week.  With the Taswegians clambering for a team down on the Apple Isle they’d like to think they’re a chance for relocation, so they’ll be putting their best foot forward.  Put down your glasses.  The Roos by the length of the main straight at Flemington.

Struggletown v The Culture Club on The Paddock That Grew to close of Round XIV.  The Tiges have brought in Big Stephensen to replace the injured Maric & The Feeling Faints have lost Simpkin to the Star Chamber.  The Striped Marvels have been putting it together lately and will want to maintain momentum.  They had a 10-goal win over the Tricolours last week, and it’s difficult to see them relaxing here.  The Tiges to kick it long to Royce.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

Today’s thoughts are from Aldous Huxley & A.W. Tozer.  Both thinkers, both of vastly different natures.

Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you.

A man should think twice as much as he reads.

Look away now if you’ve heard this one before.

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’ll give him a free beer for an amazing trick.  The bartender agrees.  The guy pulls out a hamster that begins dancing and singing.

?“That’s amazing!” says the bartender and gives him a beer.

“If I show you something else, will you give me another beer?”

The bartender agrees.  ?The guy pulls out a small piano and a frog.  The same hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings.??The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer.?

?A man in a suit, who’s been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a large sum, and the man agrees.?

?“Are you nuts?” asks the bartender.  “You could’ve made a fortune off that frog.”?

?“Can you keep a secret?” asks the man.  “The hamster’s a ventriloquist.”

Boom!  Boom!  Now we can all get some sleep.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Mr Wrap,
    I was in great need of your usual wisdom and humour this week. Even your joke was funny and new for the first time since the Eagles beat a good side(???)
    Can you remind me again which one of “Snake in the Grass” and “Bury my Heart at Whingy Hill” is the political drama? Whingy Hill has the big building with the big flag on top doesn’t it. Sorry I can’t keep track of all the soaps that the Avenging Eagle watches. “Snake in the Grass” has the chisel jawed fop and serial philanderer with the big hair doesn’t it? Ridge Hird???
    But I would ask you not to unfairly denigrate honest footballers. Unless you have some prior knowledge of RTambling’s failings??

  2. The Wrap says

    They’re a blur to me too Mr B. All I know is that once the media pressure builds up that little whistle emits a shrill scream and the top goes spinning around until someone does something about it. We saw it on one of the soaps this week. I can promise you, it will go off on the other one before this season’s out. As Mickey the Maltster once said – a well-fed ox can fight off one leopard, sometimes even two, but the the jungle holds more leopards than the stalled ox knows about.

    Keep that 2006 Pennant out of the sun. I think it’s going to have to last a good while longer than you thought.

  3. Luke Reynolds says

    Is there a Wrapmobile in the Wrapcave?

    And a hotline to Commissioner Ayatollah?

  4. The Wrap says

    A Wrapmobile is on requisition Luke, but to date nothing has come through yet. The Wrap mainly relies on the 109 bread & jam to get him down to The All Nations.

    and let me tell you, if there is a hotline to Commissioner Ayatollah he’s not picking up the phone.

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