AFL Round 12 Review: The Wrap



What a round it’s been in Footy Wrappers.  The Blue Chokers challenged The Funnyboners’ claim to Choker Of The Year for 2013 as they once more watched their season flash before their eyes against The Mighty Fighting Hawks.  The Tigers overcame what the Doubting Thomases of the media put up as a Danger Game to win comfortably against The Pride of South Australia.  The Stevedores toughed it out against The Maroons in front of 33,384 Knowledgeable Docker Fans to remain in touch with the Top Four, and The Peptides beat The Sunbeams in a canter.

Come Sunday and it was the two Magpies that won convincingly.  The Power From Port dismantled the West Sydney Experiments and the Melbourne Monochromes carried out a similar number on The Western Bulldogs.

According to the hierarchy at the Appalling Football League & the stand-in Melbourne CEO, Peter Jackson, Melbourne’s current performances are a threat to The Competition; too boringly one-sided to pull more than a D grade encounter down at Elsternwick Park on a cold & blustery Sunday; hurting the ground manger – the MCC; hurting television audiences, other revenues & stakeholders.  We’re sure no one would refute this.  So what does that make the picnic race sized crowds they’re getting at Skoda Stadium?  Hypocrisy?  (Probably just duplicity Wrap – Ed)

Does the use of the elk horn extract and finely ground yabby pituitary gland supplement they’ve been taking out at Essendon mean we’ve seen the last Son of Gun Father/Son recruits at Whingy Hill?  Has it emasculated, as rumoured in The Sage, the Playing List out there where the Maribyrnong meets the Mountains?  We’ll find out when ASADA table their long awaited report.  In the meantime The Bomber Faithful can enjoy the arrival of Long Tall Joe Daniher at Melrose Drive.  He may be the last F&S they see for a few generations.

Maggot Watch I.  Has the no holds barred umpiring gone too far?  Everyone will have tales of blatant frees not paid and of the odd one that wasn’t paid down the other end, but The Game is certainly running smoother, with fewer frustrations.  Or is it?  The players, especially the backmen, are learning that they can get away with murder – again.  And yes Nurelle, Carlton were crucified on the weekend.  (Might even go so far as to say Hawthorn were saved – Ed)

And when it comes to getting your own way, nothing comes close to the Ayatollah and his dream of global dominance.  Using Our Great Game as a vehicle for his own corporate ego, he’s turning loose his GWS & GCFC pirates to raid the Playing Lists of the established tribes for out-of-contact stars.  Several issues spring to mind immediately.  Having accepted that what the Ayatollah wants the Ayatollah must have, let’s run through the others.

Where’s the money coming from?  (don’t try to be cute Wrap; you know where the money’s coming from – it’s coming from the pockets of The Long Suffering Footy Fans – Ed)

Do the concessions offered these expansion clubs have a sunset clause built into them? Or are they just going to go on until the expansion clubs win a Flag.

And what guarantee is there that this will draw the Western Sydney knuckle draggers or the Socceroo Fanatics away from, respectively, The Game They Play in Heaven or the Beautiful Game?

What does it do to clubs & supporters that are trying to drag themselves off the bottom or out of mediocrity to have their Favourite Sons lured away by the hordes of pirate gold pouring into the coffers of the new clubs – Favourite Sons who have been nurtured over the journey?  (The club Buddy Franklin plays for is hardly in that category Wrap, but even as star-studded as The Mayblooms are, he’d still leave a hole  – Ed)

And can someone please explain the fairness in all of this?

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see how Richmond blasted their way back into September Contention, and who else was seen to duck & delve in Round XII.

The Cartoons v The Family Club.  This was one for the ages; a typical arm wrestle between two Arch Rivals & Blood Enemies.  The Bluebaggers, after conceding an early lead, had The Mayblooms on the ropes by half time and were showing every sign that they had Hawthorn’s measure.  Enter the Spiritual Leader.  With Hodgie going in hard – and a tremendous amount of help from the whistleblowers  – The Mustard Pots worked their way back into the contest.  Roughie was superb, and even Buddy, well held by Jamison all night, chipped in with four majors.  SOTG will have it that when The Hawks twin towers click at the same time, as they did on Friday night & Season 2008, they usually win.  This makes it 10 on the trot against The Silvertails.  Sitting astride the Competition Table with their only blemish the lapse against their own Nemesis, they look positively scary.  (Don’t forget the percentage of 145.7% either – Ed)  The Miseries have a rest next week before boarding the Spirit of Progress to take on The Bloods in Round XIV.  The Philosopher Coach explained the loss in simple terms that we can all follow.  If the sheepdog devours the flock, and the rams can’t find the ewes, it is only a matter of time before the whole village has to dig deep and buy some more rams and shoot the sheepdogs.  SOTG may be more inclined to say that once Murphy was removed from the midfield mix, Robinson’s shoulder was smashed, and the Carlton forwards held it was only a matter of time before the sheer weight, pace & skills of The GoldenBrown Machine was going to prevail.  The PPP – no Nurelle, that’s when a government has a bunch of mates they handball a juicy infrastructure contract to – this PPP stands for Paid-up Proud & Passionate.  The PPP are back with us next Friday night when they nail the lid down tightly on The Wedgie’s 2013 Campaign, and very likely Whooser’s tenure at Subiaco.  Although they may be doing it without two of their heroes of last Friday: Roughie & their Captain, both of whom may find they have some explaining to do before the MRP.

The Tigers v The Pride of South Australia.  The Media Naysayers were playing this one up.  According to them, The Striped Marvels were supposed to stumble at this hurdle.  Coming off a convincing win and, with a soft month coming up, a chance to lock in a September To Remember, this is where The Tigers Of Old usually unravel.  Obviously they’d ignored the message of the Jungle Drums.  All season they’ve been pounding out the message for everyone whose ears aren’t painted on to hear.  From deep in The Home of Football, across the Heartland of Tribal Melbourne and to the far reaches of The Football World – BIT.  BIT.  BIT.  .  They never looked like losing.  The Crows had their moments, as any team that brags of a Patrick Dangerfield will, but on the day it was The Tiges who prevailed comfortably against an undermanned opponent.  It must be shattering for The Free Settlers to find themselves relegated to a Mathematical Possibility after their fine showing last season.  (Take Roughie & Buddy out of the Hawthorn line-up and see how they go – Ed)  Clearing Tippett was not only a PR disaster; it was a gross error of judgement in regard to team balance.  Which made losing Big Tex to injury an absolute catastrophe.  They have next week off to consider their options before going up for a crack at The Metricon next Saturday week.  The Tiges are guests of The Doggies under cover this coming Sunday.

The Barry Crockers v The Brisbane Lions.  The Purple Haze may be clouding judgement a bit over in Fremantle if they consider themselves Premiership Contenders.  Defensive pressure will only carry you so far.  You need scoreboard pressure if you’re going to win a Flag.  True, they were never under threat on Saturday night, but without The Pav they didn’t look threatening.  True, that style of game got The Saints into three Grand Finals, of which they lost two and drew one.  They host The Funnyboners next Sunday night.  Brissy slip home to turn off the hotwater for The Moggies in the closing battle of Mid-season Split Rounds.

The Flying Syringes v The Sunbeams.  The arrival of Long Joe Daniher would have heartened The Bomber Faithful no end.  And, with the ASADA investigation outcome pending and the pressure mounting for the case that justice must only be done, but seen to be done, they certainly need heartening.  They didn’t quite blow The Metermaids away, but then no one does these days.  They are travelling nicely as the field enters the back straight of Season 2013.  Injury levels are down, they possibly uncovered the next superstar and a Top Four finish beckons.  While Gold Coast were not disgraced, they were clearly outclassed.  (No shame in that at this stage of their development – Ed)  Both teams have a spell until Round XIV when The Dons open the round over in Perth against The Wedgies, and The Shining Rays of Sunshine host The Free Radicals for the early one on Saturday.

Sheedy’s Shenanigans v The Power From Port.  Fair dinkum, what can you say about this one?  Surely the 6,601 who wandered into Skoda Stadium for the early one in Sunday’s twilight would have been entitled to ask for their money back.  You can watch Hailebury U13 3rds get belted up each Saturday morning for the price of a long black and an Anzac biscuit and be finished in time to catch a real Footy Match.  Their Opening Stanza against The Sleepy Hollow Millionaires last week now relegated to a false dawn, they have a bye next week before matching it with North under cover in a fortnight.  Port host The Sydneysiders for the early one next Saturday.

Caringbah  v The Kennel Coughs.  The Brat Pack responded to recent media criticism in the best possible way.  Of course it could be said they – nor their teammates – were hardly extended by The Sons of The West, who in all fairness, are a week-by-week proposition at this stage of their rebuild.  The Maggies are doing a bit of rebuilding themselves under Coach Figjam and you’d have to say, it’s coming along nicely, thank you.  Young Martin looks a handy type and was up there with Swan, Shaw, Penders, Harry O & Sidebottom in the possession count.  The Pies are resting till Round XIV when they take their kit over to the New Arctic Park to take on The Other Magpies on the Saturday night.  The Tricolours take on The Wasps under cover for the free-to-air broadcast on Saturday night.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

With Naom Chomsky being the 8th most quoted thinker of all time – after such luminaries as Shakespeare, Freud & the bible, let’s take a look at a couple of things he’s written in relation to where we are in this, the aftermath of Round XII.

The leading student of business propaganda, Australian social scientist Alex Carey, argues persuasively that “the 20th century has been characterized by three developments of great political importance: the growth of democracy, the growth of corporate power, and the growth of corporate propaganda as a means of protecting corporate power against democracy”.

Take, say, sports — that’s another crucial example of the indoctrination system, in my view.  For one thing because it offers people something to pay attention to that’s of no importance.  That keeps them from worrying about things that matter to their lives that they might have some idea of doing something about.  And in fact – it’s striking to see the intelligence that’s used by ordinary people in [discussions of] sports [as opposed to political and social issues].  I mean, you listen to radio stations where people call in — they have the most exotic information and understanding about all kind of arcane issues.  And the press undoubtedly does a lot with this.

Life imitating Sport again?

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

Little girl: “Why does Daddy say, ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck’”?

?Mother: “Because he thinks he’s a chicken”.

?Little girl: “Why don’t you tell him he’s not a chicken?” ?

Mother: “Because we need the eggs”.

Boom!  Boom!  Now we can all get some sleep.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.

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