AFL Round 12 – Preview: The Pre-Wrap



What a week it’s been in Footy Wrappers.  From the Ye of Little Faith Department we have a report that some of the Died-in-the–Wool Whingy Flat Die Hards found the going too daunting during last Friday Night’s thrilling Blockbuster.  With The Peptides down by more than five goals against The Old Enemy in the 2nd Term they went to water.  With deep and recent memories of mid-season collapses flashing before their eyes they sought solace in their DVD library.  It’s on record that Downright Lie & Procrastination’s doyen of the silk, none other than Sir Frank Downright himself, chose series 2 Game of Thrones to take his mind off the procession of Carlton goals.  We’d like to hear what other Melrose Drive Faithful chose to drive the Blues away?  But this story has a happy ending; Sir Frank tuned back to Channel Bruce just in time to hear the Velvet Fog’s voiceover of the Gatorade shower back in the shed.

The Mid-season Appraisal – the Mediocrities.  From the bottom up.

North Melbourne – Not sure what to make of this mob.  It’s almost the Essendon of recent years – but on a micro scale.  They are able to blow teams away in a devastating manner, then grab defeat from the jaws of victory.  If they were a racehorse they’d have been hauled up to the stewards’ room long ago.  (And passed Robbie Waterhouse in the waiting room on the way out – Ed)  They can make it through to September on paper, but every week is their Grand Final, it’s going to be a white-knuckle ride for The Long Suffering Gasometer Oval Faithful.  They would have to win nine of 11 to be sure of a Finals’ Berth.  The run home includes Geelong, Essendon, & Hawthorn.  Plus, in their case, eight Danger Games.  Mission Impossible?  Let’s say they’ll need a whole cellar of the Inspiring Elixir.

Port Adelaide – They came out of the blocks like Shirley Strickland but seem to have hit the wall.  They’re sitting 5&5 and may have been a bit stiff not to be a bit better off.  They’re re-building and have some standout youngsters, a very good coach and a renewed spirit.  The Self Belief will come.  They have five very winnable games on the way home and a chance to catch Collingwood & Carlton off guard at Football Park.  A work in progress well worth keeping an eye on.

Adelaide – What can you say about our dear old friends – the Mighty Adelaide Crows?  They monstered a few and copped a few beltings themselves.  They were even stiff a couple of times and lucky in their turn.  They’ve got three easy ones on the way home – that’s if you can call The Sunbeams at Metricon a pushover – and in their present frame of mind it’s difficult to see them featuring in September, which will throw more than a few August Ladder predictions out of whack.  The Tiges tomorrow is the first of their must win games on the run home.

Richmond – The Striped Marvels have staked a claim on September Action.  Sitting at their Traditional 9th, they have 8-point wins against West Coast & Carlton to their credit.  They’ve failed, however, on the big stage against Competition Pace Setters Geelong, Collingwood & Essendon.  They have built a mid-field that is, on its day, simply blistering, and a defence that is only second to Freo, Sydney & Hawthorn on points conceded.  Their biggest weakness is in attack.  Which in turn reflects the lack of midfield consistency.  Cotchin has had a poor year, by his standards, and Deledio is too easily checked.  Vlastuin has made a huge difference to the group, and now that he is a regular selection the Struggletown combination looks dangerous.  Against The Weagles last week they showed signs that they may have turned their season around.  Their run home isn’t the easiest, but they have four winnable games, three Danger Games – GC in Cairns – North, & Port over there.  Seven more wins should do it for September.  The remaining four games are Freo, Sydney, Hawthorn, Essendon & Carlton – all at THOF.  They play Hawthorn & Sydney well, and would have to be a chance against Freo, & Carlton on The G.  There are those at Punt Road who believe The Tiges won’t win a Flag until they can shake off their nemesis from Whingy Hill during the Home & Away Season.  This might just be the year they do that.

West Coast – The Eddie Eagles haven’t lived up to their pre-season favouritism, which puts them well below par at this point in proceedings.  They’re in the Eight for the time being but their run home includes –  Hawthorn (A) –Essendon (H) – Freo (A) – Sydney (H) – Essendon (A) – Geelong – (H) – Collingwood (A).  They need seven wins from 11 games to be sure of being part of this year’s Final Series.  Three of those wins will have to come from this list.  As well as not dropping one to GC at home or any of their road games.  That having been said, the walls of the previously impregnable Fortress Subiaco have been breeched no less than four times so far this season.  True one was the Local Derby, but hey, you used to throw a garden party if you beat The Screaming Eagles over there.  This is the team that is most likely to make way for Struggletown to feature in September.  This is Whoosher’s last year of his current contract.  If the board doesn’t make allowances for a shocking run of injuries it could be his last ever for the Royal Blue & Golds.

Carlton – The arrival of yet another Messiah at Royal Parade has lifted the Old Dark Navy Blues into contention once more.  They got off to a poor start and really haven’t set the world on fire since.  They haven’t beaten anyone above them, although they did come close last week against The Elk Horns Extracts.  Their next three matches should sort them out – The Mayblooms, The Bloods up there, & Carringbush.  They have Freo under cover in Round IXX followed by Richmond & The Bombers in Rounds XXI & XXII.  They need two more wins, three of them from these fixtures.  That’s presuming they don’t drop one to The Shinboners, fall off the Metricon Ride or lose to Port over there.  Could make September by default, but it hasn’t been the best debut season for the Philosopher Coach nor his under performing stalled oxen.  That having been said, yes, they can – if they get their act together – make it.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who’s going to be duck & delve after Round XII

The Cartoons v The Family Club at THOF to raise the curtain on this 2nd of the three Restful Rounds.  Another blockbuster for Friday Night.  The late start makes it difficult for Little Hawkers to stay up for the 1st bounce, but with either a good healthy dose of Red Bull or an early rise to watch the recorded replay the next morning the only realistic options, it will be the baby sitter’s call.  We’re told The Blues Brothers & Ho Chi Minh City Hawk will be sharing a pew at this performance of A Requiem for a Bluebagger tonight.  And what a performance it’s going to be.  The Mustard Pots are hot with The Bagmen, but at $1.25 still provide excellent value.  Back to available full strength and with a fortnight’s rest, they’re cherry ripe for this one.  The Silvertails on the other hand have just come off a demoralizing loss to The Flying Syringes and are showing signs of not being all that happy in the camp.  Clarko has brought Bailey in to counteract The Miseries’ talls, but this one will be won with lightning pace and deadly accurate ball control, which Is The Way They Play At Hawthorn.  The Paid Up Proud & Passionate to run away with it tonight, and if you’re not investing here you’ll never invest.

The Tigers v The Pride of South Australia on The Paddock That Grew for an early start on Saturday.  Ward Rooney has it as a showery sort of day with a few squalls.  In short – Real Football Weather.  And isn’t this Struggletown Outfit shaping up as the real thing?   They’re nearly back to full available strength with the return of Conca & Ellis, and their run & accuracy by foot over in the West gave The Eagles a regular wedging.  The Crows have swung the axe after their embarrassing performance against TRP in front the Silenced Adelaide Mob last time out and will be keen to make amends.  They look unsettled, & inadequate to the task.   Besides, The Tiges have tasted blood, and they like it.  The Bagmen have them out at $1.33, which is about where they should be.  But may we respectfully suggest, that is as long as we’re going to see them in a 50/50 contest after they pop the Chardonnays’ cork tomorrow.

The Barry Crockers v The Brisbane Lions at Paterson’s Curse in the gathering gloom of Saturday evening.  The Maroons have regained a heap for this trip.  Leuenberger, Rich, Rockcliff & McKeever amongst them.  In short – seven inclusions with only one of them forced.  We know this mob can play Footy when they click, but Rossy Lyon’s Stevedores aren’t about to let that happen.  The Dockers have been able to ease Silvani back into the line-up, in which they start $1.04 favourites.  That’s ridiculous.  You can put the mortgage money on this one.

The Flying Syringes v The Sunbeams under cover at 19.40 on Saturday.  You’d have to expect The Marshmallows to prevail here.  True, The Metermaids have swapped the coin bags and the netball tops for a jumper that looks more like a Footy Guernsey, and are playing some inspired Toeball, but The Dons, coming off a Famous Victory against The Blue Chokers, look too have this one well in hand.  The Bombers, but there’s better value around than the $1.16 on offer here.  (Not sure about The Gliders Wrap? – Ed)

Sheedy’s Shenanigans v The Power From Port at Skoda Stadium for the early one in Sunday’s twilight.  Port go into this one as very warm favourites and should prevail.  That having been said, The Kids from Breakfast Point are due to put it all together for Four Quarters, and this may just be the one.  They shocked the Sleepy Hollow Millionaires for half a match last week and may just have their tails up.  Leon Cameron’s influence from the Coach’s Box can be seen already and if they catch Port unawares this could be the Boilover.  We’re going to stick with The Visitors because of their overall experience and hardness, but not with any degree of confidence.  Port.

Carringbush  v The Kennel Coughs under cover on Sunday in the gathering gloom of Sunday evening.  The Woodsmen have dropped four matches, which is one more than the Young Dogs have won.  Coach Figjam is blooding yet another tyro- Broomhead – a sure sign that he’s putting the old guard on notice.  (Heath Shaw & Dane Swan take note Wrap? – Ed)  We like what’s happening at Victoria Park under the new regime and can see a team growing.  Likewise at Western Oval.  Unfortunately Coach McCartney doesn’t have the luxury of a backbone of Premiership players to bolster his pups.  The Mighty Magpies, and at $1.08 you could put the house on it.

The tribes resting this week are The Pussies, The Fuchsias, The Funnyboners, The Feeling Faints, The Bloods & The Wedged Wonders.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

Today’s homely wisdom comes from the Wisdom of The Elders and the carefree attitude of bulletproof youth – a North American Indian proverb and Jimmy Byron Dean.

?If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself. 

You gotta try your luck at least once a day, because you could be going around lucky all day and never know it.?

With all the sexism going around right now we thought it was about time to put things in perspective, to show what deep thinkers men are.

Thommo, after mowing the lawn, raking up the leaves the other day, sat down for a coldie.  The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally he thought about an age old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the orchestra stalls?

Women always maintain that giving birth is far more painful than a bloke getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, he came up come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the balls is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for his conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say,  “It might be nice to have another child.”

On the other hand, you never hear a bloke say,  “You know, I think I’d like another kick in the nuts.”

The man’s a genuine genius, don’t you think?

Boom!  Boom!  Now we can all get some sleep Ian.

Keep ‘em coming Wrappers.  Some of them we’re getting laughs with at our local.


About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Mr Wrap – As a West Coast Eagles supporter, can I just say how much we resemble your comments.

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