Unsociable supporter

At three quarter time of the Swans vs Bombers I was having a relaxing Saturday, the next 30 minutes exposed my seedy underbelly. I have to face the facts – I am an unsociable supporter.

The day started so in great fashion, despite a bumpy week where young Jack was feeding poorly and I feared would soon start to resemble Lisa Ondeiki if he didn’t find his appetite for a good breakfast.

Next was a catch up with another new parent and former cricketing buddy and swapping stories about how my 47 not out versus Melbourne High School Old Boys should be considered the eighth wonder of the world.

Throw in an afternoon nap, pizza for dinner and arguably the best half of football the Swans have played since 2006 and I was on top of the world.

Then it all came crashing down..

It started with a few cheap goals to the Dons and a little mutley style mumbling and gentle course langauge.. no f bombs yet so all under control.

The goals keep raining down and panic starts to occur, F this F that, punch the bloody thing, LRT is not a full forward’s a-sehole, any chance immigration can come and snatch Mike Pyke??

I’m in my own little world of supporter self destruction and poor old Sophie just tip toes around the house and tries not to make eye contact. Sophie is a tough gal and has hung around enough hockey dressing rooms to not blush at colourful language but she senses her husband is in pain and does not like it.

Luke Darcy is doing me head in.. After the Dons pile on 8 goals he pips in with “gee the momentum is changing, I can sense the Bombers are coming”. Shit call Yuri Geller and get this man some spoons.

BT keeps crapping on about some Dons weight lifting coach called the Weapon, the joke was funny for 2 minutes 7 rounds ago when he first made it, the subsequent 87 references over the last 4 Dons games have not been. I take my weightlifting commentary from Daryl Eastlake thanks.

Then it comes – the C Bomb. I don’t like the word and am very careful to not use it at all, most notably in front of women. The last time was when I put 2 drives over the fence at Rosebud Golf Course on the 2nd (NB I made a gutsy 8 by draining a 30 footer).

Sophie is disapointed and so am I. The C word – not acceptable, most certainly not acceptable in front of the cheese and kisses.

Football is supposed to be a hobby, relaxing and a release from work yet I have become a foul mouth, anti-social supporter and my foxtel remote has a dint in it. Hopefully it still works and is not stuck on Wag Nation.

The Swans get up, yet I go to bed with a throbbing headache and the shame of carrying on like a 4 year old who has consumed 2 litres of Cottees red variety.

I am led to believe the first step to overcoming addiction is to admit you have a problem. I’ve been man enough to do that, now I just have to put in place some strategies to improve my behaviour.

Some thoughts I have had:

1. Remove the Whipper Snipper, put up sound padding and place a black and white TV in the shed and watch all my Swans games in my own company. Accept the insanity but exclude the world.

2. Play Brett Kirk meditation tapes in the background and attempt to “centre myself” every time Mike Pyke gains possesion.

3. Accept reality that it is only a game and behave like a mature 34 year old.

Tough choices but I need to change.

Advice from anyone suffering my affliction would be appreciated.

About craig dodson

Born in the sporting mecca that is Wagga Wagga and now reside in Melbourne with my lovelly wife Sophie and son's Jack and Harry. Passionate Swans supporter and formally played cricket at a decent level and Aussie Rules at a not so decent level! Spend my days now perfecting my slice on the golf course and the owner of the worlds worst second serve on the tennis course.


  1. Ben Footner says

    I too suffer from your affliction, exacerbated by the fact that I’m also a quick tempered Red Head .

    Interestingly it’s worse at home watching on the tellie as opposed to watching a game live. I think it’s the lack of whole ground perspective that television gives.

    Some tactics you can employ:
    – Don’t drink alcohol, especially angry juice like Rum
    – Chew gum Dennis Pagan style
    – Have a rolled up pair of socks on hand for when you feel the need to throw something
    – When the rage really takes hold, close your eyes, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you could be a Melbourne supporter

    These all work to a degree in my experience, but I still have my Incredible Hulk moments at times.

  2. Tom Bally says

    Aside from cutting out use of the C word and minimising such outbursts when attending live matches I don’t think there’s much else that can be done. You must accept the fact that supporting the Swans means making a Beast of oneself at slow starts, one quarter fadeouts and poor kickouts from defence straight down the throat of the opposition. I’ve actually come to embrace the Beast as a form of relaxation. Something else would surely suffer if we didn’t let it out.

  3. You don’t sound like you’ve got a F#[email protected]&g problem to this [email protected]#%

  4. James Grapsas says

    Good article Craig. The unbeaten 47 is an innings I remember well. October 2004, you came in at 7 for 80 odd and batted with the captain for an unbroken 97 run stand for the 8th wicket. Scary to think it was nearly eight years ago!

    The game was played at the Western Oval as the Ransford Oval was unavailable, if I remember correctly …

  5. craig dodson says

    Your memory is in perfect order James, the one and only time I fired with the bat at RPBCC!

  6. Lord Bogan says

    I love it Craig. So honest. Trust me mate, I’ve had a few addictions over the years and admitting to them doesn’t help, despite what some experts might say. Luke Darcy has to be the most boring as batshit special comments man I’ve heard in years. On a good day Litza might refer to him as a cockstain.

  7. Earl O'Neill says

    Seems a reasonably typical evening’s viewing for a Sparkies fan, Craig. I never relax until there’s 15 seconds for every goal they’re ahead left on the clock. I’ve a beloved girl who does not object to ‘See You Next Tuesday.’

    There is no shame, it’s just what we live with. I often play music instead of listening to the commentary, you’d be amazed what a difference a Rolling Stones live bootleg from 1972 can make to a football match. Especially when we drop one. A nice bottle of shiraz goes a long way. Buy two, so your beloved can share in the joy and/or the pain.

  8. Tim McBain says

    great read, Craig. I have a friend like this. Granted he is a Tigers supporter, so he has had due reason. But as soon as the games start he starts moaning and groaning, f**k this and f**k that. He sometimes sounds like he’s going through an exorcism when they’re on a particularly bad run. I agree with Earl – perhaps try a nifty shiraz or two.

  9. craig dodson says

    Thanks lads, looks like music and alcohol are the prescription. I’ll take a healthy dose when we play the cats next week

  10. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says

    Craig, as a fellow Swans supporter, and after that last quarter v Bombers, I have to say … we have really earned our bye!

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