The Wrap – Round 7: Fuschia Shock

by John Mosig

What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  On Friday night The Doggies got out of jail, and sadly, just when The Dees were set to do it for Jimmy.  On Saturday The Leaveblowers’ Premiership Hangover continued as The Coasters notched their 2nd win for 2010.  The Anchormen saw off a desperate Brisbane counterattack to take the points under the palm trees.  The Woodsmen did what they were expected to against a spirited but sloppy Shinboners.  Port kicked accurately and the last two goals of the match to steal their free flowing contest against The Hapless Bombers. 

Come Sunday and The Pussies were purring once more down at Skilled Stadium as they helped The Swans to a reality check.  Over in The City of Churches the prayers of The Bewildered Chardonnay Faithful were answered as they watched their team climb out of what was looking like the grave of their 2010 Season.

And remember some time back we foretold of the real threat OGG faces from the roundball – namely its adoption as the pigskin of choice in the Outstations and Communities of the Original Pioneers of The WideBrownLand.  Well, it’s started.  Jaharlyn Mitchell & his mate Charles, a couple of 17 year old from Mildura United have been selected to train at Manchester United’s rookie camp for a fortnight in July.  Take out the Koori element from OGG and it loses some of its gilt, some of its sheer brilliance.  Some of reason you hitch down from Yackandandah to watch it at The Highest Level.  Aaron Davey, Paddy Ryder, Daniel Motlop, Buddy Franklin, Andrew Lovett, Jason Akermanis; to name just a few. 

So we’re back to the Lightning Premiership.  Some of us may be old enough to remember the Lightning Premiership series in the 1940s and early 1953s.  They had as much meaning as a picnic race meeting.  In fact The Tigers won the last one held in 1953.

But has anyone else noticed the deplorable level of the maggoting at all three disciplines.  Boundary maggots swallowing their whistle as the ball, right in front of their very eyes, is clearly over the line.  Are adjudicating on touched scoring decision from 50 meters away.  Goal maggoting is equally deplorable.  And the standard of field maggoting – after a marked improvement in 2008 & 2009 – is nothing short of lamentable.

Down at Punt Road – or so we’re told by The Sage’s Chief Football Scribe – the knives are out again.  Let’s hope any change at the top can be done honourably.  The last thing the immature Playing Group needs in this crucial first season under a new coach is board room blood letting and seeing their team in the papers for all the wrong reasons.  SOTG may suggest that a few wins would help put them in the papers for their football prowess.

How many of us wish that the Appalling Football Leagues obsession with clash jumpers would extend to the seagulls on the MCG.  How about painting the bl..dy things green.  It’s near impossible to distinguish the team wearing the All White Colours of the Leagie with those gulls sweeping over the ground.  Or you could make them wear those ghostly jumpers North Melbourne are stuck with Adrian.  Fair dinkum, no one could play Aussie Football wearing those demeaning outfits.  They’re an insult to The Shinboner Spirit.

While the rain blessed Melbourne’s Autumn gardens and gave a double purpose to the hooded pink mackintoshes at the MCG, the Knuckledraggers christened the new pitch for those who play on rectangular turf.  Australia v New Zild.  The Kangaroos scored two tries and converted the wet ball each time.  The Men-in-Black carried the pigskin across the Australian line twice as well, but failed to convert, once again proving that BKIBF.  The Kiwi’s 2nd try came in the shadow of full time generating the one bit of real excitement in the contest.

Llil Lleyton led Australia to a Mavis Cup tie win over Japan.  Mark Webber   win the Spanish Grand Prix and . Robert Allenby’s birdie put stopped tantalisingly short in at attempt to force the play-off for the Players’ Championship in the US.

 Over where they put the rum in the coconuts, the Aussie Lads hammer Sri Lanka to secure a spot in the semi finals of the World Lightning Cricket finals.  The Girls have already secured their semi final berth with a win over the Proteae.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be heading for Football Heaven and who’s going to be writing off their season after Round VII.

Melbourne v Bulldogs.   With 5 minutes to go The Fuchsias looked to be in the pink but Bulldogs Fought & Bulldogs Bit to steal the contest.  And what a contest it was.  The football was sloppy, and we’re not talking about the conditions.  Neither side looked clever.  Melbourne couldn’t string more than three consecutive possessions together and were wasteful up forward.  The Dishlickers were hardly any better.  Bulldog Barry was in everything early and featured in a couple of goal assists, but as the game wore on he became a lumbering liability.  He just doesn’t appear to be in the Bulldogs’ game plan.  SOTG would be excused for thinking they don’t have one.  Some of the more astute may even be ready for a Bold Statement – that Footscray has as much chance of winning a flag with Rocket as Melbourne have with Jamar as the first ruck.  They took the Four Points last night, and of course Lake was going to say he touched “that” ball.  He’s the bloke who feigned a hammy against The Tigers a few years back so he could pass the kick onto Will Minson, who kicked the levelling goal with 14 seconds left on the clock.  But back to Friday night – the number of times Josh Hill found himself battling three Redleg defenders on the Footscray forward flank was an indictment of the modern game.  We can only presume there were two Tricoloured defenders loose at the other end of the ground.  To see Bulldog players running into each other was an indictment of their lack of football instinct and highlighted the extent of the Kennel Cough that is plaguing The Doggies.   Having said that, all goals in the wet are good, but last night there were some bottlers.  In the 2nd half Akka was showing his teammates what having a dip meant and Melbourne were getting numbers to the ball, led by the #1 & #2 picks from last year: Scully & Trengrove.  The Fuchsias were stiff last night.  Rocket had chucked the head phones away and was contemplating his navel with four minutes to go.  The took the points in the end, but on last night’s performance The Yap Yaps you’d be hard pressed to see them making the Top Four, and you could tell from his body language and sombre demeanour that Prez Smorgie, sitting in the stands, shared that view.  They have Steak & Kidney up in Kruddsville next week.  For The Demons it’s The G again; The West Coast Eagles this time.

Essendon v Port Adelaide.  The Gliders can’t blame the Bowling Club for letting this one slip through their fingers.  Coach Knighter would have been confused by some of the umpiring decisions, as would have Chokko, but neither side could blame or take credit for the result based on some very poor maggoting.  The Essendon cheer Squad could be excused for leading with BKIBF on their banner when Dons face off against The Feeling Faints next Sunday at Ethelred Stadium.  And Port did kick uncannily accurately.  But really, The Tealers never looked beaten, and kept attacking.  Around at Punt Road they would have been weeping at the part the dynamic David Rodan played in Port’s stirring come-from-behind Victory.  This Port Adelaide Outfit has re-invented itself in their new Jumpers and new coaching structure.  This is the forth time in seven rounds they’ve come from behind at the end of the Championship Quarter to take the points.  Make no mistake, this Chokko/Junkyard Dog trained outfit is the genuine article.  Next week they host The Silvertails on Sunday on then shifting sands of Docklands.

West Coast v Hawthorn.  The final scores belie the difference in the two sides.  The Coasters seemed to have The Mustard Pots’ measure for most of the day despite several lapsed of concentration.  It was a win, but not, as would have been expected of a team with September Ambitions, an emphatic one.  However, they win won’t do their Self Belief any harm.  For The Mayblooms it would have been a long trip home.  They looked good in patches, which would have been handy if they were making quilts.  Roughie roosted six but two of those were came TLTL* in the final stanza when the game had been decided.  In fact four of them came in that fateful quarter as the Eagles took the contest by the throat.  At the other end, Carlton reject Josh Kennedy also bagged six snaggers in a stylish display.  For those who have been asking who plays CHF for The Blues, wouldn’t J. Kennedy look good on the team sheet in the butcher shop window, eh?  The Squawkers are set to regain Buddy & Skipper Mitchell, and be able to play a fit Shaun Burgoyne for their Danger Game against The Tigers next Sunday.

Carringbush v North Melbourne.  Was the result ever going to be anything else?   For the 2nd week in a row, they kicked The Sweep.  And they pulled 52,696 into The G on a cold late Autumn Melbourne night.  The harder the Kangas tried they more they more they fumbled.  They weren’t disgraced mind you, just outplayed.  They get some respite when they host The Chardonnays under cover on Saturday night.  The Cherry Ripe Maggies board the Indian Pacific for a Friday Night encounter with The Rampaging Dockers that will carry TOTTC billing.  Who would have thought that after the basket case The Barry Crockers were last season?

Brisbane v Fremantle.  Vossy made a point of not making excuses about his injury woes on Saturday night.  They look like long term injuries and losing the experienced pair of Drummond & Brennan as well as the Four Points is a major setback for The Lions.  True they came at The Dockers in true Brisbane tradition in the Final Stanza that nearly stole the match from the nervously inaccurate Purple Horde.  They go home with their first win ever against The Maroons at The Gabba.  This should stand them in good stead for their TOTTC** next Friday night against The Pies.  Simon Black & Rischitelli were everywhere for The Lions but Jonathon Brown had little influence on the game and Fevola’s three majors came from six possessions.  They will be turning the hot water off in the showers next Saturday night for TRP.

The Pivotonians v The Bloods.  The Lakers were exposed on Sunday when they ventured down to Sleepy Hollow to take on the team that Austin Jones has tipped as TTTBFTF.  James Podsaidly has gained Cult Status down at Kardinia Park, Ablett, the Younger playing like a man in love, gave up notching touches.  The returning Scarlett took one of The Competition’s leading goal scorers right out of the game and did what he loves doing – running across half back and kicking deep into attack. To add to South Melbourne’s woes, their Dual Brownlow Medallist was sadly out of touch.  This didn’t help their cause, especially as they insisted on playing through him.  On this effort, SOTG would be entitled to question the playing future of The Swans’ long serving CHF/ruckman, and the prospects of his team in 2010.  They stay on the road for next Saturday’s match against The Struggling Scrays at the National Capital.  The Moggies board the team bus to travel up the Hume, Pacific & Bruce Highways to take on The Depleted Lions.

Adelaide v Richmond.  The Tiges survived the Danger Game at Crow Park against one of their main rivals for The Coveted Timber Trophy.  Only five points off the pace at the Citrus Huddle and level with 15 minutes to go, they not only avoided the Four Points they looked like being stuck with but also maintained their percentage under 50.   However, there’s no respite for Coach Hardnose’s Charges.  They have the Danger Game of The Round next Sunday against another red hot Wooden Spoon Challenger when they host The Hapless Hawks on The Hallowed Turf.  For The Pride of South Australia, their breakout game for Season 2010 was far from impressive.  Take out Simon Goodwin’s 2nd Half contribution and Graeme Johncock’s efforts throughout the match and they may not have lifted enough to overrun The Tiger Cubs.  With The Crows’ 7th loss for the year looming, the subbies at The Addy, their nibs dripping with yellow venom, were working feverishly on Monday’s headlines.  Thwarted, they turned to eulogizing the conveniently fashionable Port Power.  Such is the dexterity of sports journos.  Next Saturday night, The Chardonnays test the veracity of their return to some semblance of form against The Kangaroos OTR.

St Kilda v Carlton.  Carlton couldn’t do a thing wrong on the night and St Kilda couldn’t do a thing right.  Nasty Milne’s slide off the side of the boot while running obliquely to the goals did just that – run obliquely to the goals. Many Snaps and set shots – from limited opportunities – sailed wide of the mark.  Even Brendan Goddard’s set shot from 35m dead in front was off line.  And it would be fair to say The Blues had the rub of the whistle too.  But even if a reasonable percentage of their shots had found the big sticks the result would have been the same.  Teams have countered the cluster (In case you haven’t picked up on it Jeff, you heard it first here on The Wrap – Ed) and they’ve countered Lyon’s Lockdown.  The truth of the matter is that The Feeling Faints were exposed for pace.  The Silvertails ran rings around them.  Juddy was like pepper & salt – in everything – and Yarran, Garlett & Eddie Betts crumbed and created with blistering pace.  How did you like Fast Eddie’s run down of Brendan Goddard after he (Goddard) was told to play-on?  (I didn’t think you could tackle from behind – Ed)  He timed it perfectly.  He was at full tilt when he hit Poor Brendan when he embraced so he must have been on the move well before the umpire made the call.  A split second sooner and he gives away 50m.   The Bluebaggers test themselves against The Chokers next week at Docklands.  For The Sainters it’s Traditional Rival Essendon.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

* Too Little Too Late

** Top of The Table Clash

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Pamela Sherpa says

    I agree with you about the clash jumpers.They are an insult to our intelligence and our eyesight.
    As for the pink umps- just plain dumb.

  2. John Butler says


    It certainly would be nice to see Kennedy at CHF for the Blues. A pity we didn’t swap Judd with The Full Foward. But you can’t always get everything you want(and you say the Blues can’t change!).

  3. Danielle says

    I LIKE PINK! a lot, Hot pink that is, but….on the footy field, its a NO NO!

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