The Pre Wrap – The Finals Week III

For the Philosophical Marngrook Follower

Ciad Mile Failte.  What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The Great Reshuffle Rumours are shaking The Faithful & The True Believers as free agency takes over Our Great Game.  Some of the season’s worse kept secrets may have to wait till the draft opens in October, but Paddy D is definitely leaving The Free Settlers and heading for Sleepy Hollow.  Back to his roots along the Surf Coast.  Retirement fund sums have been mentioned and lockers cleaned out.  So what’s different?  What’s different Wrappers is that this time the phoney war is over.  This time there’s no blanks in the magazine.  This is live ammo The Free Settlers are pumping up the spout.  They’re not having anyone waltz in and poach their Favourite Son.  They’ve upped the ante and if The Cats get can’t match it, it could all get very messy.  The Crows would lose the compensatory #14 draft pick offer from The Cattery and Paddy D has to put  his name up on the draft board.  But don’t worry; the administration down at Flat Town won’t have to hold their breath for too long.  He’ll go off first call.  (A nice start to the Carlton rebuild, eh Wrap? – Ed)  Now we all know this is not the way things are supposed to go.  Or are they?  It keeps every one honest and on their toes.  It will certainly keep Hologram Man on his toes explaining to The Faithful & The True Believers how their lists can be ravaged and Favourite Sons torn from the bosoms in this way.

And the Rumour Mill is also pumping out that Woosher is a lay down misere for the poison chalice out at Whingy Hill.  And he’s been offered a five-year deal.  Christmas comes early for some, eh?

Blondes’ Night on Monday.  It’s supposed to be another lay down misere.  Our outsiders is Patrick Dangerfield & Slammin’ Sammy Mitchell.  Toddy Goldstein would be a People’s Choice win (You mean like Malcolm T Wrap? – Ed) but he’s more likely to be around that third line of the count.

The Grand Final Eve holiday.  They really need that holiday in WA so all the WCE & Docker Faithful can be ferried across in time for the match.  And can’t you see the empty streets for the GF Parade?  You really start to wonder if politicians ever give any thought to what they do, don’t you?

And no Crowley?  Really Roscoe?  Did anyone other than the subby at The Westralian believe you were going to trot out Your Secret Weapon on Penultimate Final Day?

Anyone else notice that The Cronulla Sharks, who were engrossed in the same drug scandal as the EFC, made it through to the semis in the NRL?  That’s right, the same Sharks who stood up and took their medicine like men.  There might be a message there we could all take aboard.  And all means everyone involved in the whole messy business.  From the squirming pollies to the manipulative administrators.

Have we all seen the All Australian Team?  Lot of Bulldogs in there, eh?  And I think you’ll find there’s another half forward flanker out there better than Dusty Martin.  As much as they all love him around at Tigerland.  And have you picked your own All Australian Team yet?  One that would play the selected one on a break?

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who’s going to be going to be floating free after the Finals Week III.

The Mood Indigos v The Mayblooms over in Perth tonight.  This is the second trip across The Treeless Plain to face the Pounding Surf of the Oceania Indicus for The Mustard Pots.  They got dumped last time, but the general feeling is that they’ll get back on the board and master everything that’s thrown at them.

The Mauvish Miasma has been accused of not putting enough of The Pigskin between the Big Sticks to make the goalies earn their keep.  The team sheet that’s been delivered to the Wrapcave shows Barlow, Mayne & Pearce across the half forward line. Not the best in the business, granted, but a bit more than half handy.  Birchall Gibson & The Burger are going to have their hands full, because behind them lurk Ballantyne, Pavlich & Walters.  On song that trio should threaten most goalies with RSI.  Stratton, Lake & Suckling have the job of holding them.  Talk to anyone from the Leafy East and they’ll tell you Suckling is prone to lapses of concentration and Lake is known for his brain fades.  Even Stratton has been having his off days lately.   It’s our tip that if the Anchormen up field can get the ball in quickly we’ll see The Stevedores kick a score to match those they were booting in the first half of the season.  If they do that The Paid-up Proud & Passionate will packing away those hand knitted GoldenBrown scarves with the moth balls in the winter woollies drawer.

Someone’s going to have to wear The Fyfe closer than a pair of Bonds’ cottontails.  If he gets loose with his power play it’s going to add a lot of pressure to The Maybloom defence.  Our guess it will be the Hawks’ Vice Captain.  Our feeling is it should be the Hawks’ Captain, but let’s see how it unfolds.  And you can bet your last USD traveller’s cheque that Rossy Lyon won’t be allowing Sammy Mitchell to roam about without someone from Intourist to show him the virtues of Kings Park & Peppermint Grove.  As usual, the momentum of the match will come from the on-ball divisions, and we feel The Mustard Pots may just hold the edge here, although Mundy & Neale are no slouches either.

The Hawthorn forward line looks a bit unbalanced.  Frawley at CHF doesn’t feel quite right somehow.  But there’s always The Shoe on the bench to fill the gap should the need arise.  And while we’re on the bench, the four on The Visitors’ pine look more accomplished than those warming The Home Teams’ bench.  And that could be decisive in a close one.  But getting back to the Maybloom attack; they’re going to have to play at their absolute peak.  They’ll know they’re not playing Adelaide this weekend.

The Wrap Loungeroom will be decked out in the Poos & Wees of the Leafy East, but we’ll be keeping our hands in our pockets for this one.  The Knowledgeable Fremantle Supporter Base will have to be shutdown early.  The Tiges did it back in Round Whatever when they slammed the door shut by Quarter Time.  But this is not an undefeated Dockers being caught off guard by a team that was underrated at the time.  We’re saying it’s The Hawks to earn themselves a Grand Final Berth in one for the file tapes.  And naturally, at $2.30, they’re The Wrap Roughie of The Round.  But we won’t be the least bit surprized if The Minor Premiers prevail at home.

If you want a real bit of inertest, see what return you can get from Brokelads on Ballantyne & Dawson having to sit out some time if things get a bit fiery.

The Eddie Eagles v The Kangaroos on Saturday over in Perth again.  The Shinboners have made it through from 8th to a Preliminary Final, and this is to be apllauded.  They got there with a rest in Round XXIII, earning a match against the Overconfident Striped Marvels and one against The Battered and Travel Weary Bloods.  Now before all you Shinboners reach for your keyboards, this is not sour grapes.  It’s just a statement of the facts as they are.  And as gallant as you’ve been thus far in Season 2015, this may just be the end of the penny section.  This Weagles side is full of talent and is well drilled by Adam Simpson.  You remember Simmo don’t you?  He played 306 games in the Shadow of the Gasometer..  Syd Baker Medallist & All Australian 2002.  Sports Premiership Medallions from 1996 & 1999.   He was your Captain from 2004 to 2008.  Did his apprenticeship at the Coaches’ Factory out at Waverley.  Oh, and this time it’s The Opposition that’s rested players.  Not just a metric dozen of them.  The whole bl**dy lot.  (That’s enough Wrap; back in your box now – Ed)

(Sorry about that Wrappers.  He hasn’t been himself for a few weeks now.  Not since he found that he was due to bare his backside in Myers’ Christmas Window as part of the reckoning for one of less cautious wagers – Ed)

Of course, North aren’t without a show.  That’s if they bother to show.  (Wrap!  Last warning – Ed)  You’d ride your Malvern Star across the Nullarbor to watch Nic Nat Nui & Toddy Goldstein contest The Sherrin.  And Ziebell, Cunnington & Swallow are all guns.  Jacobs can shut down the best of them and the forward line spreads and runs beautifully.   It’s in defence that they may have their hands full.  But they’ve been together for a while and can run the ball out with devastating effect, as Richmond and Sydney experienced recently.

But their defence is going to have to quell Darling, Kennedy, La Cras, Hill, Sinclair & Sheed.  This is the forward line that has averaged 15 goals and has averaged 106 points a game this season.  This is the forward line that has the Coleman Medallist in the goal square.

And the Wedgies’ forwards will get plenty of feed.  Shuey, Pridis, Rosa, Gaff & Masten are all class midfeilders.  This contest has more to it than 8th v 2nd would suggest.  Or even a side that finished the season that kicked 148% more points than one that only managed to out score their opponents by 106%.

But let’s be honest; not every fairy tale has to have a happy ending. Look, and you have to accept our sincerity at face value here, we’d love to give North a chance, just like we’d love to see that wayward slater make it out of the chookhouse – just once – but no matter which way we turn the fairy tale kaleidoscope it still comes up with a Royal Blue pattern sporting Golden Curves.  The Wedgies to make it over to the Grand Final Parade through the streets of The World’s Most Liveable City.

And you can load up on that $1.20 The Bagmen are chucking around.  The Weagles are the Wrap Mortgage Buster of The Round.

Good tipping and even better punting.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. You’ve got it wrong way round Mr Wrap. The Leafblowers are the Mortgage Busters of this and any other century at $1.60. The Purple Haze have been a pale shadow since mid season, and will be witches hats for the reigning premiers.
    The Kangas match up well against us, and beat us on our merits in the windy city mid season. We have learned and improved since then, but this will be the closer one. The week’s rest and the Subi sand dunes to provide the difference. Weagles by 17.
    The Zestok Arao (as the Avenging Eagle is known in her home land) is getting toey. I reckon I have mastered the technology thanks to another $40 donation to the Hologram Man’s retirement fund. There are enough cables, SIM cards and power leads in our apartmani to keep a Bosnian terrorist cell busy for a month. Come to think of it ZA may declare war on Maggot Central if the decisions go against our boys.
    We are off up the Biokovo Mountains this morning to lay a wreath on the ancestral graves. I’ll lay one for Ross Ball. Gone but not lamented.
    Jeez these $2 pints for breakfast go down well.
    Do Videnja and go you mighty Arao’s.

  2. Lay one for Tony while you’re up on the mountain too Mr B. You’ll be coming home to different Australia. Not necessary a better one, but most definitely a different one.

    Good luck for Saturday. Mrs Wrap & I will be thinking you. That’s one wager you can take with confidence. You see, she taught Toddy Goldstein to read at the Preshil Football Factory.

    A Weagle challenge in September would not only be delicious, knocking off TRP would stamp the Flag with greatness. Although a Derby Premiership would add a rich Sandgroper flavour to the Pennant.

    Putovati sigurno.

  3. I predicted this. You bloody ripper.

Leave a Comment