The Pre Wrap – Round XIV: For the philosophical Marngrook fan



And what a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  It’s not Ian Meckiff this time.  It’s not even Murilli who’s in the gun.  No, it’s the whole West Coast Eagles Football team.  Spare m’ days.  After all these years they’ve noticed the amount of bottom hand in the modern handpasses.  I ask you; it would try the patience of a mother.  The Geisha said they’ve paid nearly three times the number of frees for throwing this season.  How frightening is the thought that they may really clamp down on it?  Anyway, we’ll know when they’re getting really serious about it when they ping a certain dual Brownlow Medallist.  For the trivia minded, he has not only won medals at two clubs, but also captained both of them – one to a Premiership already.

Not quite buried away, but still not a blazoned headline.  Now for AFL Austerity Measures.   Kero’s p18 story on Thursday was lead by a backpage image of an Armani suited Andy D’s pinned with currency bills. Ah, the power of Photoshop.  Nice one Kero.  Expect the please explain note from Harrison House in the mail on Monday.  It’s hard not to get the impression that this is the shot that is going to be heard around the Football World.  Everyone’s sure to be a financial whiz on the issue.  We’ve had a couple of suggestions emailed in already.  Drop the Shanghai Academy of Football for starters.  One un-printable suggestion concerned an immediate two mill salary cut, with the notation that it would be GFF*.

But this should not be cause for levity.  It’s OGG they’re talking about.  And from blowing the loose bills off the doorstep with a leafblower, the Appalling Football League is now looking under the cushions for loose change.  As Roy Rogers would say – dig dirt Kero.  (Wrap, he was urging to his horse Trigger to go faster – Ed)

Did you catch Bachar Houli on SEN The Run Home the other night.  Wednesday I think it was.  Eight Islamic schools are playing for the Bachar Houli Cup.  Bachar said that when he went to school they didn’t do any support, it was all about education.  (He should have gone to Assumption – Ed)  Another example of Life Imitating Sport, eh?

Slammin’ Sammy has bowed out of The All England Championship over in Blighty.  That will save us the trouble of enduring the grunts & squeals of her opponents over the next fortnight.  LLil Lleyton has also departed, gracefully, as befitting an aging Champion.  Not so LLil Bernie.  His folks would do well to confiscate the keys of his Lurid Boy Racer and send him to his room.  And as for Nadal; Rrrraffa, you’re old enough to know better.

Got the woodbin filled and the long-haul pills handy?  Cadel kicks off down the ramp over the weekend.  Go you Aussie Good Thing.  Put a Gap in ‘em.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to around and seen in Round XIV

The Right Royal Parade Miseries v The Mighty Fighting Hawks at The Peoples Ground tonight.  The Poor Old Miseries are going through a rough trot, and they really don’t deserve it.  There but for the grace of God ……..   As a Fellow Students of The Game, I would like to appeal the better nature of The Football Public to offer a minutes silence before the match as a sign of respect for everything the Carlton Football Club has meant to The Game over the last 115 years.  It is a time to show mercy and compassion.  Because they certainly shouldn’t expect any from the Paid Up Proud & Passionate from Glenferrie Oval.  Who, apart from their lapse of concentration against The Tigers (You’re getting soft Wrap; you angling for Maybloom Bandwagon Tickets? – Ed) they’ve done everything right recently.  And if you remember correctly, they lost to The Tiges the last time they won The Flag.  They’ve been belted twice and lost narrowly twice, to The Moggies & The Weagles.  The Rattzbaggers on the other hand have been sorely out of form since Round III when they leapt to Premiership Favouritism on the back of a good win against an unsettled Carringbush.  It’s not the first time they’ve suffered from this medical condition and despite the billboards around town promoting remedies, there seems to be no cure for it.  They’ve come at the opposition in their last two starts but it’s been too little too late.  Ward Rooney’s issued a sheep weather alert with snow down to 800m.  It may help, but only to numb the pain.  Sorry Bluebaggers, we haven’t been much help around here in the Wrapcave.  A Buddy in the wet is even more frightening than a Buddy in the dry.  Tackling him is the equivalent of prodding a hibernating bear in its lair at the beginning of Spring.  Their backline is tightening up and they have engine room grunt and an overdrive on top gear once they get the ball clear.  This mob goes up to eleven, mark my words.  The Mustard Pots in a bruising encounter.

The Pride of South Australia v The Tigers of Old tomorrow at The New Arctic Park, ball down at the traditional time.  The Tiges are coming off The Bye and some ordinary form.  They’ve dropped Conca, who some thought was lifting his game, and Batchelor, ditto (lifting his game).  Tyro O’Hanlon, after a couple of runs in the Red Vest, has been sent back to The Magoos for some game time and Tyro Elton takes his place.  The Crows have dropped Jaensch & McKernan to try Knights & Smith.  The Free Settlers will be filthy dropping the away Four Points against The Shinboners.  Not only that, but the manner in which they did it.  The Tiges have got the personnel and The Mullet will be ready to show The Rabid Adelaide Mob that he was greatly misunderstood during his time in the City of Churches.  They’re better than the $2.90 The Bagmen are throwing around, however, on form & coming off The Bye, only the brave and/or foolhardy would dare.  The Mighty Adelaide Crows OTR.

The West Coast v The Gold Cost at Fortress Subiaco for a game that starts between afternoon tea and dinner time.  This is going to be a freeway pile up.  The Eagles will be seething about throwing away the game against Collingwood.  The Appalling Football League should be taken to court putting this on during general exhibition times.  Make sure the kiddies have got their DSs & iPods fully charged.  The Weagles to kick The Sweep and The Metermaids to kick the lowest.

The Bombers v The Bulldogs under cover for the free to air game on Saturday night.  The Dons are sweeping past Chiquita Lodge and settling down for the run home.  They’re travelling nicely and, after a couple of checks. look forward to mowing a few down before they hit the main straight.  The Yap Yaps are the first.  They have little to show for their season.  Apart from a win over the unpredictable Kangas, they’ve only beaten the teams below them.  Brissy gave them a regular dusting last week, and if they’ve got any bite in them, now’s the time to show it.  The Marshmallows left the cake out in the rain against The Dees, but they’ve just got too much class under cover to let The Bulldogs steal the bacon in this one.  The Northern Scum for ours.  And at $1.22 you could do better than resource stocks.

The Vaucluse Swanees  v The Greater Western Cuckoo Shrike Tits at the Other Olympic Park tomorrow night.  Second v 2nd bottom.  Some rivalry.  Sydney.

The Bangkok Pradas v The Tealers on Sunday for a rare appearance at Cat Central.  The Power had a purple patch a few weeks back, but have dropped off the pace a bit lately.  They’re also coming off The Bye.  The Pussies have been a bit feral lately too, and it’s been said they’ve been let down by the scoreboard; an hypothesis with which they’ll get little argument from this column.  The loss of Ottens hasn’t helped, nor the absence of Darren Milburn, but the head they really miss is behind a microphone right now.  And you’d wonder how many misgivings he’s having about not playing on another year. The Big Hairy Cat may have passed his used by date, but he could get a dead cat bounce out of The Handbags when they showed signs of lagging.  However, that’s what can’t be fixed.  There’s another jumper lead that’s not connecting at the moment, and that’s Chappy.  Maybe he’s wearying under the load, maybe it’s terminal.  But The Cats won’t make the 2nd week of September without his full output.  In fact, at the risk of having my tyres let down every time I stop at Colac or Camperdown for a malted milk, there’s a good chance they won’t make it to September at all without it.  There’s some big gaps in The Moggie’s line-up.  The key forward positions aren’t delivering and if anything should happen to Selwood, Bartell & any of the backmen, it’s good night nurse.  Sure they’ve been stiff a couple of times, and lucky a couple of others.  However, luck should have nothing to do with the percentage builder they turn on on Sunday for The Sleepy Hollow Faithful.  They’ve been heavily scrutinized in the media over the last week or so, and taken a hammering in the social media where everyone’s an expert.  If The Tomahawk finds the radar The Moggies to feast out.

The Brisbane Lions v The Fuchsia under the palms on Sunday.  The Dees are running hot: two wins in their last three games.  One of which was against a fourth-line Premiership Favourite.  Both teams are coming off thumping wins against soft opposition.  Both have lost key players, although it’s fair to say that Mitch Clark’s loss is far greater for Melbourne than that of Goose Maguire’s is to The Bears.  If you’re one of those who view Davey’s loss as making room to blood some younger player, his hammy will be seen as a plus.  It would be nice to think Hearts Will Beat True in successive weeks, but our leanings are towards The Homeside.  Brissy.  And you’d have to say, if Angry Adrian wants the Redleg Faithful – or any footy Fan for that matter – to make a weekend journey up to Bananaland to catch some sunshine he’s going to have to fix the scheduled starting time, like by moving it forward about 24 hours.  (You don’t read the Courier mail obviously Wrap; it’s raining cats & dogs up there. – Ed)

The Feeling Faints v The Shinboners under cover in the twilight zone.  Both these mobs have September Aspirations.  After struggling against The Sunbeams a fortnight ago, The Roos came out and monstered the Pride of South Australia under cover last weekend.  The Saints went down narrowly to The Free Settlers over in the City of Churches the week before their bye.  The Bagmen have got them poles apart, but we reckon it’s closer than that, much closer.  Even temptingly close.  Scotty’s obviously read them the riot act, and they first dismantled The Chardonnays, and then withstood a strong challenge.  If they can maintain that form on Sunday they’ll go close.  St Seaford may have lost a bit of rhythm over the Bye too.  But, they’ve got an experienced list and seem to be settling in under Coach Watters.  It’s tempting, to be honest.  $3.20 in a two-horse race, and both have won in the city.  However Gasometer Girl, although lightly raced, has won at Group 1 level and that’s persuaded us.  The Kangaroos are The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

* GFF – Good For Football Tony

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. I’m confused Mr Wrap.
    1) 3 X 0 = 0, or is maths as big a problem for me as the Giesch.
    2) Then GFF* – is it Gillon’s Freedom Fee; Get F…ed Fans; or German/French Finance. Please explain – as one true patriot advised.
    3) Still Rafa gets to see Espanol in the Euro Final, and he can buy Ukraine while he’s there with the roubles he won laying himself at 30/1 on Betfair. Or buy the Ozzie Davis and Fed Cup teams and get Poland with the change.
    4) Carlton and bruising in the same sentence. Soft as butter. You meant bruised??
    5) Shrike Tits – isn’t that MSharapova’s nickname??
    6)Tomahawk and SStosur – % of shots on target under pressure. Discuss.
    7) GFF* – now you tell me. Who’s Tony? Still I prefer mine. I’m sure they’re much closer to what was in AD’s mind.
    Would appreciate any advice you can offer Mr Wrap. Your normally sound therapy has only made me more confused.
    Cold and Confused of Coolgardie

  2. Sorry – thought you said Shriek Tits. My mistake.

  3. The Wrap says

    Dear Cold & Confused of Coolgardie,
    Thank you for your thoughtful letter & kind words. It’s always interesting to hear from subscribers at the far flung reaches of The Fatal Shore. I hope the answers below satisfy your request.
    Hoping you have a safe weekend,

    1) The Geisha was talking about overall frees for illegal disposals, not C. Judd’s tally
    2) I see you’ve scrolled down for this one.
    3) Shame Rafael, shame.
    4) I felt uncomfortable speaking ill of the dead.
    5) It is now.
    6) In a word – abysmal. Optional words – pathetic, career-ending, unprofessional, unacceptable. & unspeakable
    7) Yours were inspiring.

  4. Thanks Mr Wrap. Getting my bearings back now.
    On a different note:
    Phil Hughes, Usman Khawaja and Nathan Hauritz for Tom Scully, Chad Cornes and Luke Power – Fair Swap???
    Food for thought for Monday, Mr Wrap. Good to see Sin City copping it for a change.
    On a serious note – your mention of the Fatal Shore made me think of Peter Temple’s magnum opus The Broken Shore. Any Almanackers in search of something to fill in the time while Ch XII is showing AFL dross, should do yourself a favour. Whip down to the local book store or libary and pick up Australia’s best wordsmith (after you and me of course, MW). Broken Shore, Truth, Dead Point – all extraordinary engaging yarns. Novels rarely engage me. Attention span of a gnat. His grip me by the balls and brain until the final siren.

  5. Rick Kane says

    Dare I comment before the game? This is a watershed game, a do or die event, a must win for both sides, a crossroads, a hero or the goat moment and everything else (trust me Old Testamenters, I know of what I spake) is of little moment. I can’t concentrate. TV’s on in the background and I’m in and out of sorts. I’ll beer up, settle down and let Buddy and Mitch take me to limit one more time. See you at the other end of the Shoot the Chutes, Screaming Swing, House of Horrors, Roller-coaster and may My Litza be spewing bile and Mr Kane be all like well wishing and smiles.


  6. Rick Kane says

    This song goes out to all my Blues friends. This is an old Blues song and if you’re a Blues man you know, as the old Blues destroyer, Blind-side Crawf says, “that’s what I’m talking about”:

    I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
    I went down to the crossroads, fell down on my knees.
    Asked the Lord above for mercy, “Save me if you please.”

    I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
    I went down to the crossroads, tried to flag a ride.
    Nobody seemed to know me, everybody passed me by.

    I’m going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side.
    I’m going down to Rosedale, take my rider by my side.
    You can still barrelhouse, baby, on the riverside.

    You can run, you can run, tell my friend-boy Willie Brown.
    You can run, you can run, tell my friend-boy Willie Brown.
    And I’m standing at the crossroads, believe I’m sinking down.

  7. Dave Nadel says

    Wrapster. You have made no mention of the Birds from Abbottsford playing the Western Wharfies. I am about to travel to watch the match at the “G”. Do you know something that I don’t?

  8. Sorry Dave, it must have slipped off the final, edit. Bottom line is that it’s The Birds from Abbotsford all the way from the Wrapcave.

    Collingwood v Fremantle, on Saturday and where else but THOF. The Dockers sent the highly fancied Richmond Down Below on their last visit to this ground, breaking a longstanding hoodoo in the process. Not sure they can repeat the performance tomorrow. The Pies are sitting astride the League Table and appear to have too much of everything for The Thereabouts Anchormen. Freo regain the services of Nasty Ballantyne, after he was caught slipping one to the Richmond Number 17 during his last visit East. The hard men from Carringbush will welcome the diversion his return provides. And that’s all it will be as The Black & White Army cakewalk its way to Victory. And seeing as Collingwood’s colours are monochromatic, don’t you think it would be a lovely gesture if the Appalling Football League allowed The Barry Crockers to wear the RedWhitePurple&Green of the Amalgamated Fremantle? BTW, at $1.11 the generosity of The Bagmen knows no bounds. Load up as much of it as they’ll let you walk away with. You could take out a third mortgage for this one.

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