Almanac Poetry – The Rhymer: What the coaches say

What The Coaches Say


Another big week in footy, so say the media sages,
all that controversy has filled up the back pages


And still the clubs repeat the same old hackneyed  lines
the club is on the right track, we’re happy with the signs


the coach has said the media’s wrong, he’s in for the long haul
The bounce is down, the rucks lock horns, it’s anybody’s ball,


It’s only the first quarter, don’t get too carried away
We”ll stick to our new game plan that we set for the day


We knew they’d come out hard, but it’s a four quarter game
we’d better see improvement or i’ll start naming names.


kick three or four this quarter  and we are in it still
But watching at the moment it’s just a training drill


The witch’s hats are winning, their careers are all in doubt.
show a bit of ticker son, and  pull your finger out.


Now they’re sticking to the game plan; they’re having a real dip
put an extra man behind the ball  and we’ll steady up the ship


that young bloke’s trained the house down, he has earned his place
but then he did a hammy coming down the race.


the lad is only learning, about pressure and team structure
we’ll persevere, play him down back, and not panic at this juncture


He’s got a good safe pair of hands and he’s good below his knees
we need to add some score board pressure, especially ‘gainst the breeze.


To give the forwards any chance, the mids must lower their eyes,
that’s way too many turnovers, have a red hot go you guys.


the bloody goal sneak’s run up’s wrong, he’s really butchered it
and hit the bloody woodwork; should have steadied up a bit.


He’s missed it with a check-side and now with a drop punt
he couldn’t kick a sausage if you put him right in front


The oppo’s come from nowhere they’ve stolen this one from us
we’ll sit down as a playing group, and try and find a plus


The young blokes showed a bit today, they’ve turned the corner now
we used the total interchange, as much as they allow


Some need to have a good hard look at what they gave tonight
they know who they are; and find a bit of fight.


We”ll take each week as it comes along and bank four precious points
and hope the boys pull up OK with no strained groins or joints


He’ll have a scan, just wait and see, after he’s packed it in some ice
We’ll leave it to the medicos, we’ll act on their advice.


A week’s an age in football, next week’s another game
and at the post-match interviews you’ll again hear much the same



Thanks for havin’ me.


© The Rhymer 2018 – Steve Rogers



  1. Thanks Poet Lorikeet (that`s a great nom de plume). You’ve captured the spin perfectly. Now we can abandon all the press conferences.

    I really like ‘The witch’s hats are winning’ too. Fantastic.

  2. Welcome Poet Lorikeet.

    “he couldn’t kick a sausage if you put him right in front” Great line!

  3. Mike Punch says

    Sweet as a nut! Copyright that or one of those Footy Shows will nick it!

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