The Kiwi stomach punch

By Dan O’Sullivan

At the beginning of March Kiwi cricket copped a kick to the teeth. It was swift and painful but hardly a surprise. And no, Scott Styrus was not involved. The pudgy trundler still has his front teeth fully intact as far as I’m aware, assuming he had them in the first place. Most of the time I find it quite difficult to tear my gaze away from his bedroom eyes.

The incident in question involves prominent New Zealand cricket administrator Sir John Anderson – the poor sod passed over for the role of ICC Vice President in favour of ex-Australian PM John Howard. It was a hardly an astonishing decision given that the Australasian group making the nomination consisted of two Aussies and a Kiwi, but the pain lingers for New Zealand interests nonetheless.

It seems Howard was appointed as ICC VP on the basis that Tubby Taylor once labelled him a ‘cricket tragic’, which is a bit like employing someone as a neurosurgeon because he has an unhealthy obsession with blood. I’m sure there’s someone out there who has listed on his Oasis Active profile that he enjoys cutting flesh and the cold touch of a serrated edge, but it doesn’t mean he should necessarily be allowed to perform a surgical procedure. If anything, those interests are a pre-requisite for a Crime Investigation episode or at the very least a job as a parking inspector.

I would think a positive comment from Tubby is barely a ringing endorsement anyway, it’s hard to get anything from Tub that hasn’t been sanitised to within an inch of its life. You know your struggling when you’re actually more interesting when spruiking duel-cycle air conditioners.

I picture Tub’s internal dialogue as a bunch of media monitoring types in beige corduroy attempting to veto any interesting opinion until all that is left for public consumption is a tepid bowl of dishwater. In fairness to Tub his instinctive initial thought about Howard was probably ‘God-awful cricketer and human pest’ but by the time it came out of his mouth it was the mildly complementary ‘cricket tragic’.

Sure, in a previous life Howard did happen to run a country. And that deserves its own special brand of kudos as I’m sure it involves multi-tasking on a nuclear level. Nevertheless, some credence must be surely given to Anderson’s lifelong dedication to cricket administration, for I imagine a life dedicated to cricket administration is hardly a life at all.

Anderson has also suffered the unique pain of rising almost to the pinnacle of his chosen field only to be scuppered at the final hurdle by a bloke that has absolutely no idea what he is doing. It must be the same kind of stomach punch that every talented musician gets when Shannon Noll hits no.1.


  1. Peter Flynn says

    Jeanette will be running the ICC and not “Honest” Johnny.

    A terrible slap in the face for John Anderson and NZ cricket.

    Apparently “Honest” has been openly hawking for such a role.

    Not happy John.

  2. Hey Dan,

    What’s your best contact


  3. Hey liam, you can contact me on [email protected], cheers.

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