The 2018 Chilly Winds Of Winter Cup

Greetings Tipsters


Remember when the heavy grounds of winter were meant to sort out the contenders from the pretenders, the men from the boys, the September champions from the April heroes? Every ground was a gluepot of mud and slush where small men slowed down but big men didn’t shrink.


Thanks to modern drainage techniques and an indoor stadium, we enjoyed the highest scoring round of the year a week after the winter solstice. Folks are already starting to bang on about the ‘run to the finals’ so the crew here at Stop Privatisation Of Footy Productions figured it was our last chance for a Mid Term Report.


Carlton: Direly ugly too often, hang tough for another twelve months before you crucify the Boy Coach.


Brisbane: Everyone says you’re better than this, but it’s time you started showing us some results.


Gold Coast:


Fremantle: We may hold you back for summer school.


St Kilda: Much more was expected of you. Let’s see if you ‘shape the eight’ in the next few weeks.


Footscray: Lightning rarely strikes twice, lads. Bite down.


Essendon: Slow off the mark, changing everything in a week to great effect deserves commendation.


Adelaide: We’ll talk to you after class. Minds are individual, they are not collective.


Hawthorn: All credit to you, hope you timetabled ‘rebuilding’ into your summer study schedule.


North Melbourne: Scrapping near the top, great effort fellas. Check Bass Strait ferry timetables.


Melbourne: Enough time on the playing field, it’s time for philosophy class.


Monaros: Yous aint golden boys, yr just another team. Time to prove yrselves.


Geelong: All tip and no spear.


West Coast: We’ll give you a break on account of injuries but don’t let it happen again.


Port Adelaide: Nice, thus far. Here’s your chance to prove the naysayers wrong.


Sydney: So, you think that just plugging away for another finals exam is good enough, eh? Live up to your bloody potential!


Collingwood: Yes, it’s nice to be second but you haven’t beaten anyone good and a third of your starting eighteen is in rehab. Full marks for effort, if only Nat had grown a beard earlier, eh?

Richmond: Top of the form, lads, keep this up and you’ll win dux of the college again.


Ahem and indeed. The headmaster now must confer with the housekeeper, she has wonderful ideas.


P&C A Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production, A Division of Trans-Dementia Inc
Brought to you with the assistance of Lightnin’ Hopkins.


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About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. John Butler says

    Earl, your Gold Coast assessment sums it up for them. $20 million plus a year spent on …….meh.

    Re Bulldogs, I reckon people overlook the fact they’ve hardly been able to put their preferred team on the field since that magic September of ’16.

    Big weekend for the Monaros. Gaining momentum, but need to do what they did in Perth last year to keep it going.

    Not many teams really convince to this point.

  2. Very good Earl. Pithy and accurate. Especially like the North Melbourne comment.

    Of the twelve end of term reports I received in secondary school PE each one used the phrase, “keen and enthusiastic.” Well done on your linguistic variety!

  3. Just went through the last 7 games for every club. Richmond – 19 wins. Collingwood and Port – 17 wins. Geelong, Hawthorn, North, my Eagles – all 15 wins. Melbourne – 14 wins.
    I reckon injury has caught up with Sydney and they have a tough run home. Monaros need to trade some talent for toughness. Basketballers.
    I have my Eagles losing to Pies at the MCG and North in Hobart and Port in Adelaide, but beating Dees in Perth. All 8 pointers.
    Percentage will be very important in deciding 4th from 8th.

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