Sean (and Shane’s) Muppet Manifesto for the Papacy

My esteemed colleague Shane Keith Warne has been in touch with me about matters he has noticed overnight from Rome. Whilst too busy playing Texas Hold ‘Em and tweeting about the Block All-Stars room reveals to respond formally on his website, his garbled message on my machine last night means he and I are in violent agreement about the current state of affairs.

The selection and rotation policy of Inverarity and his crew of Muppets has gone too far! James Sutherland must have been injecting some sort of peptide and vitamin cocktail into his brain because this is madness!

The news overnight that the ridiculous ACB Rotation policy has now spread to Rome is proof that the Informed Papal Section policy is ruining the game..

It is clear those in charge are Muppets.

Pope Benedict XVI (or Big Ben as he’s called by those in the know) has been cruelly pushed aside after only an 8 year run in the top job, when his predecessors (except maybe for that Kim Hughes like John Paul I) seemed to have been able to select how and when they left the gig (i.e. by dying) just like Mike Hussey.

Now it seems that in his peak and prime, the Muppets and faceless medical men of the ACB have managed to sell their Rotation policy, and Big Ben has borne the brunt of their brainless sports science philosophy.

I think Big Ben has handled the situation as best as he can, despite having a name that sounds like a Superbowl. He’s published a press release with a Pope version of the old “retiring to spend more time with my family” line (which he can’t really say in his line of work) and said the body just isn’t up to the longer form of the game anymore.

Rubbish! Like my mate Hodgey, I think he had years left in him.

This new policy of rotating Popes every 8 years is a stupid idea. Pick your best Pope and keep him in the gig, that’s what I say.

As a lover of the floppy white cassock, it’s time that I laid out my manifesto for the Papacy.

  1. Chapelli for Pope
  2. Get rid of all the selectors! There’s supposed to be about 120 of them getting together in Rome to choose the next bloke, give me a break! Just get in Rod Marsh, and forget the other 119 Andy Bichel clones.
  3. Bring in a new coaching team. Boof, Chuck, Flemo the Kiwi, Tubby and Langer should do the job.
  4. Give them 2 commandments each to manage.
  5. Apart from that, don’t change anything!

I am too busy to be involved but could be available to consult when I am playing at Monte Carlo or maybe when Liz’s busy and I can crank up the car on the motorways south through France.

I’m especially happy to give my views on those pesky couple of rules they have on adultery.


Written and spoken by Sean Curtain for the SKW Muppet Party of Australia

About Sean Curtain

"He was born with a gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad". First line of 'Scaramouche' by Sabatini, always liked that.


  1. “Give them two commandments each to manage …. floppy white cassock”

    Ha ha

  2. I like your thinking Sean. If we could get the 10 Commandments down to 2, I reckon Warnie would make a great Pope himself.
    As best I know he hasn’t murdered anyone, and he honours his Mum and Dad pretty well.
    As for the rest – stealing, false witness, honouring the sabbath, adultery, coveting his neighbour’s ass.
    Hmmm. Might just stick with the 2/10.

  3. Great work Sean. Would love to see the SKW Muppet Party of Australia get some candidates up for the Federal election later this year. Another job for Boof, Chuck, Tubby and Langer (don’t think Flemo the Kiwi can run)??

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