Almanac Footy: Keith Kuhlmann – All-Australian Screwiemaster
Go to Glenelg Oval one Saturday afternoon, whiff the breeze off the Bay, buy a can from a big fella in a caravan, watch him fish it out of an ice bath and crack it open with a teaspoon and know that you are face to face with a past master of the fading art of the screw punt.
It’s Keith Kuhlmann, and in his day, he used to walk to the top of the goal square, casually drop the ball diagonally onto his boot and send it into low earth orbit. On the suburban grounds it would land at the centre circle – he loved Unley and Glenelg – and just like that, defence was attack.
What happened to that? Too straight forward for the modern game?
Kuhlmann learned it by kicking with his mate Greg Summerton in the park after school. It was as natural as breathing. They both made their way to West Adelaide and after 128 games with the Bloods, Keith moved to Glenelg.
Indulge me for a moment as I relate first-hand the power of his dob.
The SANFL ran school holiday coaching clinics in the 1970s and my mother signed me up. My memory is that we were bundled into groups and assigned to two league footballers. In my case, it was Mark Williams and Keith Kuhlmann from Westies. We ran about and did drills until the pair ran out of ideas. After a moment of consultation, they announced that we were to gather together and chase the ball with some honour going to the kid who first got to it. We stood shoulder to shoulder, anticipating some insight into League football, and watched Kuhlmann bomb the ball into the next suburb. It felt like an hour before we found it and by then everyone just wanted their bag of chips and a coke and to go home with mum. Not sure if this was textbook coaching or not but Kuhlmann had a successful career as a teacher and principal.
At the 1980 State of Origin Carnival, Kuhlmann was South Australia’s full back. Wearing the vertical-striped guernsey, he stood Michael Roach of Tasmania and Kelvin Templeton of Victoria (in his Brownlow year) and emerged as an All-Australian. It wasn’t a bad time for the Bays – of that All-Australian team, Glenelg had Kuhlmann, Peter Carey and Graham Cornes (who won the Tassie Medal). The only other club in the country boasting three was Richmond with Jim Jess, Geoff Raines and Mark Lee.
A taste is here:
At 19:20, Lou Richards is not entirely across his brief, but there is no question about the authority of Kuhlmann who offers an effortless drop punt to the wing. Later at 39 25 comes the roost. Football Park was 177 metres long, so this dob may have gone close to 75 metres.
Is the screw punt – torpedo in Victoria – still taught? In this manual, Graham Molloy made it as straight forward as Keith Kuhlmann. With a breeze at your back, one of these equals two from the opposition to bring it back. It feels like a lost weapon of the game. A whistle through an autumn afternoon that has gone silent.
But time marches on. State football isn’t what it used to be and a few weeks back, Victoria beat South Australia in a match played at Glenelg Oval. On the hill was a drinks caravan. It is operated by Glenelg past players and officials, of which Keith Kuhlmann is Chairman. This mob sells beers, collects cans and runs raffles that raise more than $70,000 for the club’s junior development program each year.
In an inspired moment, Keith rustled through the cupboards and brought out some of his state guernseys for fellow volunteers Geoff Tanner, David Wright and Rex Voigt to wear that day. He managed to squeeze into the 1980 version.
Keith Kuhlmann (left) Geoff Tanner, David Wright & Rex Voigt in Keith’s state jumpers. Photo Glenelg FC
While wearing this guernsey, he earned All-Australian honours … there is no award for a perfect screw punt other than the quiet understanding that you either can do it or you can’t.
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Michael Sexton is a freelance journo in SA. His scribblings include “The Summer of Barry”, “Chappell’s Last Stand” and the biography of Neil Sachse.
Bewdy Mike. In 1981, Kuhlmann was then the youngest player in SANFL history to reach 200 games. The Footy Budget really liked him, he was on the cover every second week I reckon.
His player profile in the Footy Times from 1981 included
Likes: All sports, some children
Dislikes: The other children, fair weather supporters
Car: Datsun 180B
Sorry to be a trainspotter Mike, but Keith is wearing the 1979 State jumper (the piping shrike badge was replaced by the Big S in 1980)
My Dad, who came from Burrumbuttock in the Riverina, to board at Concordia College and then Concordia Seminary, always called the torp, the ‘screwie’.
Really enjoyed the piece Mike.
I recall a Sunday arvo at the Gabba when the Lions were smashing the Eagles and the only fun Bluey McKenna could extract from the occasion was by kicking out with torps. They were going about 75m, to the middle.
Thanks, Mike. That was great. The past players drinks caravan is but one reason I love going to the local footy. And beers being opened with a teaspoon is a rich detail!
Someone getting hold of a screwie – school kid, amateur, star – was always a thing of wonder and beauty as it spiralled across the sky. The moment after the ball left the boot and you knew it had launched is joyous.
Swish- in that profile was his favourite meal steak or seafood?
When did a screwie also become a torp? According to How To Play Football by Don Roach in 1969 (the source of the Graham Molloy shots above), the screw punt was “sometimes called the torpedo or spiral punt”
Dave Brown answered this question a few years ago – https://www.footyalmanac.com.au/knowing-your-drop-kick-from-your-screw-punt-wally-millers-coaching-the-art-of-kicking/
Mickey:
Favourite Food: Steak, Potatoes and anything else
Favourite Drink: Beer
Thanks Michael.
Great visuals and vintage commentary in the foootage.
One can only imagine the banter from the lads in the caravan.
Re coaching clinics. Brings to mind North Adelaide hero Don Lindner attending EHS First XVIII practice as guest coach. His coaching technique consisted mainly of demonstrating booming drop kicks over the fence into a neighbouring back yard.
What a great phrase: A whistle through an autumn afternoon that has gone silent.
Requiem for many things past?
I caught some YouTube footage of the 1981 preliminary final last night, Bays v Norwood.
Kicking in from the lake end at Footy Park, Kuhlmann’s first wind-assisted screwie makes it to the centre circle on the fly. Young Kernahan comes in off the square at CHF and collects it on the second bounce, handlballs to Carey who scrubs a kick towards the leading Copping (well clear) 35-40m out from goal.
A half-decent kick from Carey would have been in Copping’s possession within 10 seconds of leaving Kuhlmann’s boot.
As it was Carey’s scrubbed kick runs out of bounds 20m around from the Bays goal with all of 15 seconds having elapsed.
These days teams seem to like stoppages inside 50, so would see it as a good result either way.
The opposition can’t score when the ball’s down your end of the ground. The quicker the better.
How would Kuhlmann have gone in today’s SANFL when you can leave the square when kicking in?
On a good day at Unley he’d be landing them inside the forward 50 with no trouble!
Good to see SANFL getting a run.
Great article Mike – Keith’s torps bring back memories for all SANFL followers huge respect for his work with the other golden oldies definitely bay royalty in that caravan it’s a model all other clubs should try and emulate