Sausage Roll Review: Orange Spot Bakery, Glenelg

Such is my undying dedication to critical thinking with regard to contemporary baked goods that although it was already one hundred degrees (Fahrenheit is decidedly apocalyptic) just prior to midday I gritted my teeth, pushed through the punishing heat, walked in and bought their finest specimen.

 

Is $5 too much? In 2020 and enjoying life in my seventh different decade, I guess not. Of course, I then heard these sinister words.

 

“Would you like sauce?”

 

No, came my overly curt reply. I should’ve worn my patented anti-sauce cap to save her the bother.

 

Back outside I found a table and chair on the footpath/sidewalk/pavement (delete as required). I had no competition. It was hot.

 

My sausage roll and I were ready for each other, like contestants on Perfect Match, except there’d be no lies about loving bushwalking and horse-riding and rock-climbing. And no Dexter to provide a compatibility percentage.

 

I looked across the road and saw the Watermark. The extra-large, charisma-free, over-priced, charmless, mid-strength-beer-haunted, pokies-riddled pub. I must get in there again soon I thought to myself. Especially around five on a Friday if I feel an odd need to receive a kickin’ from a high vis type who has been in there all day and because his jet-ski is about to be repossessed, is angry with the world, in a generalised, nagging, Cro-Magnon sort of way.

 

I took a bite of my sausage roll. It certainly tasted like one. This was a promising start, but then again, if you hear “Hey Jude” on the radio it’s instantly recognisable although it mightn’t be the Beatles but some pale photocopy of a boy band, all clothes and choreography and clueless.

 

The aroma confirmed this but didn’t engage me. It sat there in my nostrils, but like me at a salsa party, there was no dancing, just a sullen inertia.

 

I think the pastry fundamental to the sausage roll experience and this was somewhat sweaty and fell just short of that most disagreeable state: oily.

 

The meat was of an appropriate consistency, but as the aroma suggested, lacked memorable character and arresting spiciness.

 

Just over in Colley Reserve I imagined the big hole by the Patawalonga. Recently, the replica of the HMS Buffalo, proudly built in 1980, was finally demolished. In 2030, Mayor Chad Cornes will announce plans to build a replica of the replica of the Buffalo as it will “create exciting tourist opportunities” for Glenelg. Not any humans mind you, but seagulls and pigeons and exiled magpies. There’s nothing more likely.

 

I continued with my meal, but like a small child found it no longer had my interest. If I was a toddler it could have been the day’s third apple out of which had been taken a solitary bite.

 

Safely home, I reflected on my sausage roll with Claire and we decided that I could be seeking higher meaning where none exists. Despite the endless awards – name a country bakery that hasn’t won a prize for its pies – the very best ones are the home-made variety. You know, those with the fork marks sealing shut the pastry, the fork marks that suggest love and family and hope.

 

Oh, how I love those blessed fork marks!

 

Yes, that’s what I need to do. Make some home-made sausage rolls. These will solve my existential crisis, and correct my view of the world on this hot, punishing day!

 

Right, where’s the mince and pastry and my precious fork?

 

Hang on. Just as soon as I’ve had a restorative nap and watched the cricket.

 

More stories from Mickey HERE

 

 

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About Mickey Randall

Favourite film: The Shawshank Redemption Favourite song: Khe Sahn Favourite holiday destination: Gold Coast Favourite food: steak Favourite beer: VB Best player seen: Dogga Worst player seen: Frogga Last score on beep test: 3.14159 Favourite minor character in Joyce’s Ulysses: Punch Costello

Comments

  1. Shane John Backx says

    For some reason here in Qld 99% of bakeries seem to use a generic spice mix that sadly makes them all taste the same, it isnt a nice taste either sadly

  2. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    What’s your opinion of chicken sausage rolls Mickey?

  3. Hey Mickey, when I get the chance, which happens rarely, living in Canada, I have to have a pie and a pasty and a sausage roll. How could you have restrained yourself?

  4. An eloquent excogitation of a most important subject Mr Randall. As we have discussed I am a sausage roll aficionado, and dare I say, anthropologist of the simple sausage roll. Where we differ is sauce. I abhor sauce on any other plate but when it comes to the sausage roll, gives me sauce. Or relish, condiment or whatnot.

    Anyway I digress.

    I have ruled Orange Spot Bakery, Glenelg from my to eat a sausage roll at list. Due to your oversight, appraisal and review.

    And who could disagree with the home made sausage roll as the winner. Search high and low, across the sweep of suburbs and towns, hamlets and backwaters spotted across this great land and you will find many a sausage roll to give the that’s a beaut tick to but the sausage rolls made and enjoyed at home will always be number one.

    Finally, I like your writing for so many reasons but sentences like the following are the nub of your excellence:

    “I continued with my meal, but like a small child found it no longer had my interest. If I was a toddler it could have been the day’s third apple out of which had been taken a solitary bite.”

    Cheers

  5. A chicken sausage roll, Swish, is surely not a sausage roll at all.

  6. Chicken sausage roll is an oxymoron, methinks.

  7. Luke Reynolds says

    $5 is too much, that’s pie pricing. Two sausage rolls for $5 is more reasonable.

    And always with sauce.

  8. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    I’ll keep making them anyway.

  9. Sat at a laminated kitchen table on New Year’s Day and couldn’t stop myself at one or two portions of homemade sausage rolls (party-pie size),…so tasty and full of flavour. Needless to say, country farmhouse setting where all the best cooks originate.

    With you on generic bland tasting seasoning/sausage roll mix and sweaty pastry… they do that with muffins too.
    Sausage rolls have never been as good as their aroma and flavour were in the 70’s when the waft from the Tuckshop permeated our classrooms on the freezing cold days of my childhood.

  10. Sorry about that. Just returned from a quick trip to Melbourne to see Vampire Weekend at the Forum. Great stuff. Ducked into the North Fitzroy Arms too and was pleased with the excellent reception from Percy and Tex!

    Anyhow just read a story in which strong claims were made for the sausage rolls of Sydney’s Bourke Street Bakery. I’m there in July so will make it my business to visit and appraise.

    Your correspondent previously reviewed Banjo’s Bakery which classifies sausage rolls under the savoury rolls banner, so Swish and Smokie, I imagine this takes partial care of the pesky chicken sausage rolls conundrum at least as far as nomenclature goes for this company.

    Sauce is a complex personal matter. I can’t apply sauce to baked goods, but can to a barbecued sausage. But not a chicken sausage, only a red meat sausage like beef. And my Room 101 is sauce on fried eggs. See, I told you it’s complex.

    Thanks for reading and commenting.

  11. Mickey I’m with you on sauce personally definitely only for barbecues

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