Round 7 – The Wrap

THE WRAP – ROUND VII

Where Life imitates Football

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.

The Kangaroos hopped off with the Four Points in a thriller diller at The G on Friday night. This was followed by a Saturday of Fred Hesse Annihilation Scoreboard Football. First it was The Free Settlers over in the City of Light; they held out The Courageous and Skipperless Saints winning three quarters and halving one, the first. The first emphatic sign of the deluge was in Bleak City. After a fortnight of signature weather, Marvellous Melbourne turned on a magnificent Late Autumn Day, and kicking off at the traditional time, The Much Maligned Hawthorn belted The Lack-lustre Dees by over a ton. Then it was over to The Little Ground at The End of Lonsdale Street where the two combatants continued on their respective merry ways: The Giants towards respectability, The Silvertails towards ignominy. The margin? Thirteen coffee scrolls Wrappers. (Better be on the doorstep at Visy Park Park, Wrap; I can feel an announcement coming on – Ed) Meanwhile, up in The Emerald City The Cats gave a meow in the first half but were well and truly treed in the second by The Bloods. The margin? Seven goals. If you’re picking up a trend here you’re alert for this time of a Monday, and the trend continued over amongst the coastal hummocks of The Fatal Shore. Faced with The Travel Weary Sunbeams, The Eddie Eagles applied the sunscreen. The margin in this one? Two straight kicks shy of the ton.

Come Sunday and things started to take shape, at least out at the Port City of Alberton as they were mauled in the Lions’ Den. The Tigers celebrated a win over The Woodsmen in a high scoring thriller. And conceded too much in the Opening Stanza, The Doggies were chasing The Purple Haze all day.

And here’s The Skip of Skipton 8-point Ladder as she sits at the end of Round VII. (Better check it out Skip. He can be a bit distracted after a Richmond win – Ed)

FREMANTLE                        46.5

WEST COAST                      40.5

SYDNEY                                38.5

ADELAIDE                           37.5

HAWTHORN                     36

GWS                                      35.5

COLLINGWOOD                 33

FOOTSCRAY                      30

…………………………………………

North Melbourne              29.5

Richmond                             27

Essendon                               25

Port Adelaide                       24

Geelong                                 23

Melbourne                            18.5

St. Kilda                               18

Gold Coast                           15

Brisbane                               14.5

Carlton                                  12

 

Warming to the Eight Point Ladder? The Scrays lost but gleaned 2½ Match Points from the game. And we’ve been assured there’s absolutely no proof that the Ceduna Showgrounds have been booked for this years GF between West Coast & Freo. But hey, aren’t they looking good over there now that they’re not distracted by the mining boom.

Congratulations to The Big White V. In a match that was billed as a contest between equals and The Tale of Two Cities, Melbourne Victory romped home in a lopsided contest. It’s their third trophy since the A-League got under way and is fast becoming the Famous New Dark Blues. No comment on Frank Lowy’s head first fall from the podium should be necessary. Other than to wish him a speedy recovery.

Anyone else get caught in the gridlock around the World’s Finest Sporting Complex? There were nearly 60K at THOF, another 30K at AAMI Stadium. The netball at Rod Laver Arena. (Did you know that netball has more participants than soccer in Australia? – Ed) The Wrap crew had to go as far east as Williams Rd to get a clear run south to The Bay. Punt Road and Church/Chapel Street were hopeless.

We’ve had some feedback on the video review issue raised from Upper Coomera. It’s mostly been positive thus far. Generally speaking, what the folks are leaning towards is if the ball crosses the goal line, and has been propelled on it’s journey off the leg below the knee of a player whose scoreline it happens to be, it’s a goal regardless of whether or not it grazes the uprights. Similarly for the behind line. All the other old rules, such as touched, apply. It’s even been suggested that if a shot on goal hits the post and bounces back into play it’s worth 9-points. (We all know who would have suggested something as cockamamie as that Wrap. Get back on your medication – Ed)

The Bagman’s Corner

Goals

Ex-Bluebaggers – Betts 6, Kennedy 4, Gartlett 3 Waite 2, Robinson 3

Current Bluebaggers – 9

Cough up Ladbrokes.

But it surely raises another issue, and sadly of a more human/humane nature.   And that’s the Madness of Mick Malthouse. Players he’s deemed not worthy to play for The Bluebaggers are thriving away from his mentoring. Unkind observers are going so far as to suggest that their absence is a major reason for the need of a re-build. He’s certainly not inspiring the players he’s bringing into the team to play with any passion for The Famous Old Dark Blues.  Only his confessor would have any idea of what’s going on in his troubled mind, but it is quite obvious the matter of Mick’s incumbency requires gentleness, compassion, firmness, but above all, swiftness. It is pitiful to watch.

Broken record take 2 – Our skill levels are not at the level they need to be. It’s something we need to work on. I think they were better this week than they were last week.. No, this is not the weekly hologram of Dimma dissecting around at Tigerland. This was from the Dream Coach out at Melrose Drive. While not in itself damning (It would be if it was trotted out again next week as the reason for an Essendon loss – Ed) it was not as accurate a summation of the situation as it could be. You see, if you put Essendon’s scoring worms up for the season, they follow a worrying trend. Hirdie’s Bombers fly out of the blocks like the Lithgow Flash, then flounder about like Eric The Eel. (Geelong’s ditto – Ed) The question has to be raised, why is it so? They guts out wins against The Lairising Hawks and The Don’t Have To Be Dead To Be Stiff Saints but their second half fade outs have been part of the scene at Essendon since before they delved into Doc Euphoria’s little black bag. (Although it seemed to have exacerbated after they unveiled their Pharmacological Experimental Environment; do you think that eye of newt & toe of frog extract may have some long lasting after effects? – Ed)

Coach Focus. Check us on this one will you. At Brad Scott’s presser, did we see the reporters all rise when Coach Bradley get up and walk out on the conference after he tired of repeated questions about the location of Lindsay Thomas’s neck?

The Coach Most Likely? We’ve spoken of the Philosopher Coach at the Only Team All Carlton Knows.   And while things are looking a bit of a mess up at Wally World, Rocket should be pretty safe in his first year at the helm. Of the other underperforming sides, that just leaves the Coach at Melbourne. He must be considering his future. Does anyone know how much of his sentence he still has to serve?

But enough of my gabbin’. Let’s see who’s in Football Heaven after Round VII.

The Same Olds v The Shinboner.   This game lived up to expectations. Two teams and two supporter bases between whom no love is misplaced. A point not lost on the 49,372 who braved the late Autumn weather to watch the contest from the comfort of The Dockland Stadium. The Bombers got off to their usual flyer but North were able to haul them in and put a gap in ‘em. But in true Bomber fashion, they were able to go into the Long Break within striking distance. The second half was an arm wrestle that made up in intensity what it lacked skill levels. It was a ripper game and don’t a whisker under 50K Fanatical Fans create some atmosphere under The Dome?  The umpiring came in for some criticism, and while we are precluded from comment as per our agreement with the Appalling Football League, we can only report that the crowd’s judgement of the three adjudicators contributed to more than 50% of the noise level on the night. It was a crucial contest for both clubs. The Dons are now in the negative games and less than par percentage zone. With a match early next Sunday against The Roy Boys they get a chance to even up those KPIs. The Shinboners are off over to Perth to take on The Anchormen at the ridiculous time of a quarter to six on Saturday night. (That’s to get the punters locked away for the food & beverage vendors – Ed)

The Free Settlers v The Feeling Faints. The Sainters shared the honours in the Opening Stanza, and that was about it. When St Riewoldt went down in an accidental head clash it was just about put down the glasses. They had a few runs at The Crows, but never really put any pressure on them. They have invited the second placed team in The Competition over to the Shifting Sands for the early one on Saturday. The Pride of South Australia is journeying up to the Spotless Oval to take on The Orange Giants in a match of major significance.

The Family Club v The Fuchsias. The noise level from the PA system was greater than the noise level from the Melbourne Cheer Squad. And as devoid of meaning. This was a bleak day for The Once Feared Redlegs. Where do they go from here? The Consultant Coach is clearly not making a difference. The Eel Race Road Seagulls may not have a star studded list either, but at least they’re making a fist of it. True, The Dees were up against TRP, but it was TRP minus their Captain, Vice Captain and key backman. (Losing Jesse Hogan before the bounce didn’t help The Dees’ cause either – Ed) The Hawks did this on the bit. They inflicted Paul Roos’s first ever 100-point coaching defeat, and it must have him wondering how he can put some fire & brimstone into The Demons. He’ll find out more about the Hell he’s got himself into next Sunday when The Fuchsias host The Doggies. The Squawkers are up to Tinsel Town to see if they can repeat their GF result against The Bloods.

Carlton v GWS. Tell you what Wrappers, this is the match they could have played down at Elsternwick Park to allow the soccer GF to be played in a bigger venue. Sixteen thousand, six hundred & seventy six fans at the ground. (And most of those were wearing The Orange of GWS – Ed) The previous night Essendon & North filled the place. The Bluebaggers didn’t give a yelp. And the Leviathans went on to kick a new club record score and winning margin. They get to test themselves against The Mighty Adelaide Crows next round. It’s up there at the traditional time. The Miseries are helping Geelong lift the curtain on Round VIII on The Paddock That Grew.

The Tinseltowners v The Moggies. The Handbags just aren’t seeing out the full journey. Another second half lapse cost them the points in this one, but it must becoming a bit of a worry down at The Cattery. One they get a chance to work on next Friday night against The Freefalling Silvertails. The Swans? They did what they had to do, and did it well. And didn’t Luke Parker turn in another blinder? They’re still in Steak & Kidney next round for the free-to-air GF re-match on Saturday night.

West Coast v Gold Coast. Move along please. There’s nothing to see here. One side kicked the lowest score for the round and the other kicked the second highest. The Sunbeams have invited The Woodsmen up for a ride on the Metricon around that 4.35 mark on the Saturday. The Wedgies have The Sainters in the early one under cover on the same day.

The Bullies v The Mauve Miasma. How many of you forfeited the flairs and general mayhem at the 3-0 soccer grand final along Swan Street and made it to Docklands?   Swapped 90 minutes of one-sided roundball that was all over by the 34 minute mark for 100 Minutes of visual and emotional excitement that went down to the wire? Get your money’s worth? You’d reckon. And you don’t have to be dead to be stiff, eh Doggies? It was a great effort from The Tricolours – to play themselves back into the match – and while their coach lamented a crucial fumble in the dying stages, the match was truly lost when they gave The Red Hot Premiership Favourite a 4-goal First Quarter start. One thing you never do – and expect to take the points – is to blink when you’re playing a Ross Lyon Coached side. The Stevedores are back home to turn off the hot water for The Kangaroos on Saturday night. The Scraggers have the 3.20 start at The People’s Ground against The Beelzebubs.

Struggletown v Carringbush. It doesn’t get anymore traditional than this, eh Wrappers? The Woodsmen got off to a good start but The Tigers, by stint of an 8-goal Second Term had their nosed in front at the Long Interval. The umpiring was as lopsided as you’d want to see and our reporter at the ground felt The Black&White Army were justified in claiming they were receiving the rough end of the pineapple. But it would have to be considered a season determining game for The Striped Marvels.   With the return of Brett Deledio the whole midfield lifted. And while, based on their form in this match, neither side is likely to have much say in September. At best you’d reckon one of them could make it. The Tiges learn more about themselves when they travel across to The City of Light to once more help close off the round. One thing that has returned a grin to the face of TLSPRF was the grin on the face of Alex Rance during and after the game.   The Maggies could have had this one. Jessie White’s miss from 15 meters out is inexcusable for someone being paid somewhere north of $250K to kick goals. They’ll beat up on Cellar Dwellers and match most of The Mediocrity, but they looked a bit small for ours. Maybe it was just Jamie Elliott bobbing up everywhere. They’re up to Wally World to have a crack at The Suns next Saturday.

The Brissy Lions v The Power From Port. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into The Lions’ Den they get new teeth. Only 15,957 turned up, but it’s a start. It was looking pretty grim for the Appalling Football League up there where it’s a bloody shambles one day and clinically dysfunctional the next. (It also made a mess of more than a few clean sweep tipsters dreams as well – Ed)   and surely you’d be entitled to to ask yourself, what would Coach Figjam would have done to have Dayne Beams running around in the Black&White Verticals of Carringbush an hour or two earlier? Did the Tealers take this one too lightly? You’d expect there was certainly a bit of that in it. But it should be considered the rise they’ve had under Ken Hinckley. From basket coach to being within a kick of playing off for a Flag in a couple of seasons, that’s positively meteoric. Maybe we’re just witnessing natural burnout. Remember they had that slump midseason last year. We’ll find out more when they host The Tigers next Sunday. The Bears Gorillas are back in Melbourne to take on The Dons in the early one on Sunday.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.