Round 15 – Carlton v Collingwood: vs Coalition Labor – July 2, 2016.

Walking with my 15 yo nephew from Sydney, his first trip to the G, we were optimistic. Partisan crowd, weather excellent, and that was just the election. Carlton, Collingwood, Coalition, and Labor. Xenophon and Silvagni the newbies and Cloke and Hanson getting recalls.
Near Rod Laver Arena, the bagpipe playing sesame street character picked the blue baggers, a hopeful omen for Carlton and the Coalition. Twilight merged the blue and black supporters, a mass of people, morphing into the stadium. The only way of telling who was who, the shortcut expletives and muffin tops of the pies supporters. Whoops.


My Nephew wanted to sit close to the fence, where Magpies tended to swizzle, gulp and give colourful advice. I wondered who they voted for earlier. “just kick the friggin thing”, “Come on Pendles it’s called Football for chrissakes”, “That sheila Hanson’s got it right. Just like that Trump bloke”. Ugh.


Despite the advice Collingwood played scared. They avoided the question, hid the ball in the pockets and played safe shopping centre kissing babies football. Circle work around the suburbs. Ghosts of Malthouse and a corridor with no strong policy? They skilfully made the easy look hard. Something’s not right down at Vic Park. Brodie and his midfield knights racked them up, the defence was led by Brown and co, but up forward none wanted to party. Don’t kick it to me in case I stuff it. Which they did.


Carlton stuffed up on a different level. They took risks, chipped to the middle, and tried to mimic Hawks. But Bolton hasn’t the left footers. Their inside 50s were dispatched to stacks on and boundaries. Goals were fewer than genuine policies as the palpable disappointment in this game was matched by the frustration of a hung parliament. Bad footy, continued during the second half, goals as rare as soccer.


The sleeves of Simpson and Silvagni kept us interested. The latter, with the familiar bandy-legged loping and full frontal chest marks did enough. And Simmo played with a “I can’t go on, I’ll stay and fight them off” attitude. His teammates scarpered. Should’ve lent a hand. Surely this was no Carlton Collingwood game. Where’s a Hawke, or Keating, a Sticks or Daicos to grab this game and give it some life. Nope. Flatlining to the end. Even Johnnie Howard had some conviction. A few months of lobbying ending in nought. Collingwood look directionless, Carlton still years away. Here’s a thought. Clarko and Beveridge to replace Shorten and Turnbull. And vice versa. See Hawthorn and Bulldogs come back to the pack, and the country will have a couple of no Bullshit leaders.


  1. Yvette Wroby says

    I am with you on swapping coaches and leaders. Well written. Thanks

  2. Ross Hill says

    Try writing a Mills and Boon novel next time, 4 points is all that matters in this game. Winning ugly or winning brilliantly has the same 4 points. When it’s Collingwood v Carlton, both sides really don’t care what it looks like as long as they win. These are two teams that won’t be playing finals so it’s all about the win and that’s what the Pies did.

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