Round 10 – Essendon v Richmond: When the quips dry up

 

Essendon v Richmond

7:40pm, Saturday May 20

MCG

 

 

There is a time-honoured tradition of baiting opposition supporters at sporting events. It probably started in the bleachers at the Colosseum.

 

‘You call that drivin’ a chariot! Looks like he’s been catchin’ the bus!’

‘No! Not the flat part like you’re pattin’ a baby! The pointy end!’

‘You’re in Rome now! You’re in the big smoke! We do things a bit different here!’

 

Richmond last fell to Essendon back in 2014. Since then they’ve managed to shoot down the Bombers 13 times in a row. Will we witness the conclusion of that run tonight? Surely not. Essendon are coming off four straight losses and the Tigers enjoyed a scintillating upset win over Geelong last weekend. It was a return to the devastating style of play that brought three new pennants to Punt Road. We applied some WD-40 to the rusted parts of the mechanism and turned the pressure dial up to ‘stun’. Away we went against the reigning premiers. Keep the ball in constant motion. Swarm, fight, knock it on, hand pass over the top and get it into the scoring zone. If you lose possession, get it back and go again. It’s as if we were an ageing and out-of-fashion rock band winning an afternoon slot at a music festival and blowing the headliners off the stage. It looks like we’ll be hitting the road again and tearing up towns like we did in the past, all the way to the end of the tour in September.

 

One can only dream.

 

Tonight it’s Essendon’s home game and I find a spot with the raucous Richmond supporters on the steps behind the wire at ground level in the Olympic Stand. It’s always lively. One of the regulars has a booming voice and loves to antagonise the opposition members seated in front of us in what is really Tiger territory. Like any good comedian, he picks up on the mood of the room and runs with the ‘Dreamtime at the G’ theme.

 

‘Sixty thousand years! Sixty thousand years they’ve been ‘ere! Do you lot reckon ya can win another flag in 60,000 years?’

 

His audience laughs and we’re feeling optimistic in the first quarter as Richmond dominate inside 50 entries. But they’re unable to capitalise and subject us to a display of the same haphazard delivery into attack that left us stranded in the bottom four before our two-win revival supposedly turned our season around. Jack is fighting manfully but we’re unable to locate marking targets. The only exception is Samson Ryan, who converts after being awarded a mark when the ball clearly hit the turf on his way down. You take the good fortune where you can find it.

 

Essendon maintain possession and short-pass their way up the field, the Tigers seemingly content to allow them free passage before regaining possession somewhere in their defensive grid. The Bombers are more efficient from fewer forward entries and lead by a couple of points at the first break.

 

The comedy review continues. Taranto goals from a set shot in the second quarter and there’s a barb directed at venomous commentator Kane Cornes, who torched the prize recruit in one of his weekly diatribes.

 

‘He’s not in the top one-fifty in the comp, but he’s number 151 and comin’ fast!’

 

Essendon’s Sam Weideman has started well with two goals in the first quarter. In the second term he squanders two easy chances.

 

‘Weed! He’s weed of the mark as my old Scottish uncle might say!’

 

The man with the voice controls the floor and there’s no comeback from the Essendon supporters, who appear to be resigned to their fate despite the closeness of the scores.

 

It’s a forgettable spectacle with constant turnovers from both sides. But the Bombers make more errors than their rivals. Surely the Tigers just need a spark to cobble together a string of majors to take command of the match. Zap and flicker. In the third stanza Riewoldt hauls in an old-fashioned knee-in-the-back and ride ‘em mark. Bolton pounces on the ball after a Martin tackle dislodges it from the hands of an Essendon defender in the pocket and Shai dribbles it between the posts with exquisite precision. The Tigers take a two-goal lead into the three-quarter time huddle.

 

In the first minute of the final term Martin receives from Ross and floats the ball home from beyond fifty, much to the delight of the Richmond faithful. The Tigers are out to an 18-point lead, the biggest margin of the game and they appear to be in control.

 

But the downtrodden Bombers, after a decade of struggle and ridicule, are playing with plenty of spirit under new coach Brad Scott. They refuse to go away. Zach Merrett, who has dominated the midfield all night, sets up Durham and Stringer for two goals within a minute. It’s only a goal the difference. The Essendon crowd comes to life and I consider the real possibility that the Tigers are about to go down in another close one. I simply don’t trust them in tight finishes. All the noise is coming from the Bomber faithful and the quips from the Tiger contingent have completely dried up.

 

Judson Clarke sprints with Mason Redman into the teeth of the Richmond goals in pursuit of the bouncing ball. Redman mistimes a toe-poke to rush a behind. Clarke out-bustles him, steps back into play from behind the line and nudges it back for a thrilling major. Richmond are 12 points up at the 17-minute mark.

 

The ball lobs into the hands of defensive interceptors as both teams struggle to score, driving their fans to fits of exasperation. An aberrant bounce for Grimes allows the Bombers to seize the ball and Jye Menzie is on the end of a string of handballs to ram it through. Five points the difference! With 23 minutes on the clock Cotchin finds the unmarked Mansell with a low left-foot dart. He’s thirty metres out on a slight angle and I trust the hard-nosed terrier to slot the goal and end the contest. Out on the full! The Tigers attack again and Riewoldt soccers it forward from the pack. But the ball ends up in the hands of the dashing Mason Redman and he tears off like a rabbit down the field. There’s a contest in Essendon’s forward pocket, Stringer gathers the ball and hooks it into the square, where Durham takes it on his chest in front of a desperate Daniel Rioli. Sam Durham, who was recruited by the Bombers from Richmond’s VFL team. He can’t miss and the Bombers are up by a point, hitting the front for the first time in the second half.

 

‘There’s only seven seconds left! We’ve got it!’ exclaims an ecstatic Essendon barracker. For the Tigers, there are no words left. Just depressing thoughts. Seven seconds. I seem to remember Mark Thompson booting the winner for Essendon with seven seconds remaining of a game back in 1991…

 

Ball-up, stacks on, siren. I beat a hasty retreat.

 

We’ve witnessed Richmond’s eighth defeat by a goal or less since the beginning of 2022. There were two draws as well, but no wins. You can’t build success on such a record. There was a two-point win over North Melbourne at Arden Street back in February, but you don’t receive premiership points for winning scratch matches.

 

Why, with so many experienced players who have found ways to win in the pressure cooker of finals, are we so brittle? As brittle as a tray of wine glasses in the hands of a first-time waiter.

 

The win over Geelong looks like an outlier and not the resurgence of the dynasty. The offers for the band have dried up and the Tigers are destined to perform their old hits on the never-ending cabaret circuit.

 

At least we can keep everyone amused by throwing in a few choice quips. But it’s not so easy when you’re on the way down and the up-and-comers are taking your place in the spotlight.

 

 

 

ESSENDON      4.1     5.7     6.10     10.11 (71)
RICHMOND     3.5     6.6     8.10     10.10 (70) 

 

GOALS
Essendon: Weideman, Durham 2, A. Davey, Snelling, Menzie, Langford, Stringer, Menzie
Richmond: Bolton, Mansell, Martin 2, Ryan, Taranto, Graham, Clarke

 

BEST
Essendon: Merrett, Ridley, Redman, McGrath, Durham
Richmond: Taranto, Bolton, Martin, Ross, Rioli 

 

Crowd: 78,300

 

 

 

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