Nic, anyone else in Fiji?

West Coast Eagles VS Essendon

Subiaco Oval

8:40 16th April

By Steven Ingham

Friday Night Footy interstate means many things –

Home made Pizza



A weekend without any structure. No going to the footy, no watching the Bombers on Saturday or Sunday… Probably have to go shopping and do work around the house… EEK!

The build up to this weekends games has been covered far less than usual thanks to Malthouse (again), Richmond (again) & Fev (yep… again).

This game is very important to 2 teams that started the season with dreams of playing Finals Footy. This game will mean a lot more to the loser than the winner. If the Eagles drop this, they’ll be 0-4 having lost 2 games at their Subiaco Fortress, and can almost start looking to next season. If on the other hand the Bombers were to drop this one, they’ll be 1-3 with Collingwood, Hawthorn, Port (who they never beat) and St Kilda to come in the next 4 weeks, so 2-6 is a very real possibility after Round 8.

For this game I have been very lucky that I am able to listen in (or maybe imagine, but we’ll pretend I listened in) and hear the coach’s address for both teams at the end of each quarter that I can share in this report.

The first quarter shows that we are watching two average teams both desperate to win, and after some flashes of Fijian-Brilliance by Nic Nat (especially the opening passage of play where he gets the hit out, fumbles, roves, evades, runs, kicks and sets up the first goal of the game to LeCras in the opening 10 seconds!) the Eagles take a hard earned 4 point lead into quarter time. This game is showing promise with both sides going hard at the ball and plenty of highlights are mixed in with the skill errors from both young teams.

WORSFOLD: “Hey Nic, do you have any Brothers, Cousins, Uncle’s over in Fiji that can run and jump like you? Here’s my iPhone, give them a ring will ya, just make sure that the camera’s don’t see you on the mobile again, I copped it for that all week last week. Anyone would think Footballers have a gambling problem. Anyway, we need more Nic Nat’s NOW! The rest of you, start growing your hair to at least look like the big man – we all love him. Except for you Priddis, your hair is a disgrace. Oh, as for the game, we’ve started well, keep working hard, get a kick. Does anyone have the number for Advanced Hair???”

KNIGHTS: “Hillbot & Paddy – Have either of you seen that big dark kid with the freaky hair wearing 9? His been playing this game for 5 minutes, are either of you any chance to win a hit out and give us a clearance? Hurls – Good to see you kicking a footy instead of whatever else you were up to in the Pre Season & no Hungry Jacks until Half Time for you mate. Woosha Welsh – I think Kerr has had enough of you already, so keep annoying the crap outta him and he’ll snap.”

From then, this game goes horribly askew. Not sure what the Bombers had in their Powerade at Quarter Time, (or maybe what the Eagles had!!) but the Eagles are all over them in the next quarter to put this game to bed. While the Eagles were impressive, it’s fair to say their opposition gave them every opportunity to do so. Constant skill errors, at times forced by the Eagles pressure, at other times for no clear reason at all, by the Dons allowed the Eagles midfield and forward line to completely dominate. Daniel Kerr becomes a statistic seconds before half time when it looks like he severely snapped his hammy, just like Riewoldt and Gibson the week prior. Just what will the coaches be saying now???

WORSFOLD: “Finally Boys! It’s Round 4 and you finally decide winning is worth the effort. Great quarter by everyone. Big Cox, Your Back! Where have you been? I wont’ say I love you coz that wont look good in print ha ha, but thanks for turning up, my SuperCoach team and my real team thank you from the bottom of my heart. Where’s Danny Kerr? He what? I just came downstairs and he was there. Oh bloody hell. Ok. Prids, why haven’t you cut that hair yet!?!”

KNIGHTS: “Bendigo haven’t won a game of footy since 2008, and I reckon they would have beaten you. What the F$%^ was that! Don’t any of you know how to kick! Don’t you read the papers? Our supporters are always trying to get rid of me all the bloody time, they don’t need this! 4 points for a whole quarter. F$*&. Not only is Nic Nat givin Paddy a Whack, not Hille’s getting slapped by Big Cox, this ruck thing is a bloody nightmare.”

The third quarter is not the best of the season for anyone. If the Bombers had any chance of getting back in this game, they dominate for about the entire last 15-20 minutes but get just 1 goal on the scoreboard to show for it. I wonder if the Melbourne recruiting staff are watching this game, and I wonder how Jack Watts feels, because Nic Nat is a genuine star of the competition, I’m sure Tim Watson will be interviewing him at the end of this, and if he does I wonder if he ‘readjusts himself’ so many times again.

WORSFOLD: “Who do we play next week? Sydney? OK. Prids, if your hair isn’t either shaved off or long Fijian dreadlocks by then, your dropped, I don’t care that your one of the best on the ground. I’m over this game. Nic, how’d you go with the Family? Anyone else we can draft? Coxy, get off the bloody phone! No, you cant ring your Mum. Who are you, Warnie? Do we still do the Jacket Waving thing when this is over???”

KNIGHTS: “If I was coaching Richmond, there would be a semi trailer full of Horse Manure on the door step of the Footy Club on Monday Morning. At the moment, im dropping 15 blokes next week, so get out there and show me something. What’s that Hawthorn thing on SEN all the time, DON’T THINK, DO! Willo, if you manage to get a possession, you can do the Shotgun celebration. And when you come back in, there’s a massive mirror in the bathroom – go in there and take a very long look at yourselves.”

The final quarter is basically 30 minutes of junk time. The bombers salvage a little pride and added some respectability on the scoreboard, but it is far too little too late. Watson has a mountain of possessions as the Eagles start to avoid any more injuries and rest their players before next week. Something tells me there will be a lot of angry Bombers supporters on talkback radio over the next few days.

In a nutshell – The pizza was hot, the beer was cold, the couch was comfy, Nic Nat was the star, the eagles were good, the bombers were crap. Oh, and for those keeping count, despite joining the Facebook group “It’s my penis and I’ll touch it when I want to” the big Fijian in #9 kept has hands well away from his groin in his post match interview with the Father of Jobe.

West Coast     5.5       11.8     13.10               15.11.101

Essendon         5.1       5.5       6.7                   11.12.78


West Coast:

LeCras 4, Kennedy 3, Brown, Ebert, Naitanui, Cox, Rosa, Hansen, Embley, Selwood 1.


Zaharakis, Hurley, Hille, Ryder 2, Hooker, Williams, Reimers 1.


West Coast:

Naitanui, Priddis, LeCras, Embley, Cox, Waters, Kennedy.


Watson, Hille, Zaharakis, Welsh.




3 – Nic Naitanui – WCE

2 – Matt Priddis – WCE

1 – Andrew Embley – WCE

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