Hawthorn Football League FAQ Sheet

Welcome to the Hawthorn Football League. This FAQ sheet has been prepared to help you fully understand our ‘Great Glenferrie Game’ (trademark pending).

  1. What are home and away seasons and final series?
    These are a program of matches that decide who will play Hawthorn in the Grand Final each year.
  1. What is free agency?
    This is a rule that allows loyal servants of lower and middle order clubs to transfer to Hawthorn late in their careers and play in a Grand Final.
  1. What is a Hawthorn free kick?
    This is a free kick/50-metre penalty paid to Hawthorn either in the home and away season or final series that has a significant impact on Hawthorn’s ability to win the game and so continue their path to the Grand Final. (Please reference the first quarter of their 2015 Preliminary Final for key examples).
  1. What is unsociable football?
    Also known as ‘playing on the edge’, this refers to Hawthorn’s ability to break football rules with impunity – and injure star opposition players with the same impunity – to ensure the Hawthorn Football League’s ultimate goal, i.e. Hawthorn playing in the Grand Final.
  1. Who are Hawthorn footballers?
    The usual make up of the Hawthorn Football League team is some home grown talent combined with up to eight players (2015) from lower or middle order clubs. (Please reference Hawthorn’s backline for example: Frawley, Lake and Gibson).
  1. What are lower and middle order clubs?
    These are incubators for Hawthorn’s next batch of Grand Final players.
  1. Who is Lance ‘Buddy’ Franklin?
    He is the keeper of a phenomenon known as ‘Buddy Focus’. This was threatening Hawthorn’s ability to make Grand Finals so the Hawthorn Football League moved him to the Sydney Swans. This ensured the Sydney Swans would have difficulty making Grand Finals, and also allowed Hawthorn supporters to say ‘but we lost Buddy’ in response to other teams’ supporters concerns about losing their talent, e.g. Burgoyne, Hill and McEvoy.
  1. Why don’t Hawthorn win the Grand Final every year?
    This was a hotly debated topic in the establishment of the Hawthorn Football League. It was decided, however, that the league’s name and brand was properly upheld by Hawthorn making the Grand Final each year. If they sometimes lose the Grand Final, it also permits a strong Hawthorn ‘response’ in the following season, giving the competition the appearance of ebb and flow.
  1. What is the Brownlow Medal?
    This is a compensation prize for players yet to move to Hawthorn.
  1. What are trade periods and national drafts?
    These are complex algorithms that ensure the best talent lands at Hawthorn for the longest period possible.

We wish you well in your Hawthorn Football League experience and remember ‘we’re a happy league at Hawthorn’.

 

Comments

  1. Grant Fraser says:

    Finally some non-fiction on the Almanac website.

  2. Paul Mitchell says:

    You’re clearly not a fan of the Hawthorn Football League, but maybe a few more seasons of the Hawthorn Football League team in the Grand Final will bring you around to the excitement on offer.

  3. Well done PM, that explains so much. I particularly like Point 6.

    Cheers

  4. Paul Mitchell says:

    Thanks Rick. It is our pleasure here at the Hawthorn Football League to make football simpler and more accessible for all Hawthorn Football League followers. There is, of course, an even lower order of clubs (Carlton) that the Hawthorn Football League club can’t find any potential Grand Final worthy contributors within. That order of clubs is, however, helpful for boosting the Hawthorn Football League club’s percentage each year.

  5. Perhaps Rule 3a could be added
    3a. What is a 15 metre kick?
    i) When a Hawthorn player has kicked the ball, any distance from 7 to 12 metres is a 15 metre kick, providing only that a Hawthorn player has marked the ball.If an opposition player marks such a kick it is play on
    ii) When an opposition player has kicked the ball, any distance beyond 20 metres is 15 metres. Any kick of a distance less than this that has been marked by an opposition player allows a Hawthorn player to tackle said opposition player without fear of penalty

  6. Paul Mitchell says:

    Gregor, As you know, the Hawthorn Football League is growing and developing. Every care and attention is given to providing fans with the best possible information. However, your suggestions for rule changes will be duly considered and put to the Hawthorn Football League’s next committee meeting held under leafy elm trees in an extra quiet pocket of Hawthorn.

  7. Truth is always stranger than fiction. Congratulations to all at the Hawthorn Football League on another outstanding ebb season.

  8. The HFL prides itself on assisting other clubs with their coaching stocks and implementing the “HFL Culture” ( Bolton, Beveridge, Hardwick, Barker, Cameron & Simpson to name a few). The HFC acknowledges their support in facilitating the free movement of their players to the HFL for their development and the greater good.

  9. Paul Mitchell says:

    Peter and Reg are clearly truly wonderful supporters of the brown and gold league, and their feedback will be integrated into the next Hawthorn Football League charter.

  10. Nice work Mitch . There is also the HFL kick which should not travel more than 15metres. The HFL handball as endorsed by Sam Mitchell and the NRL. The HFL water boy outfit which should closely resemble the playing strip of the opposition on the day (coincidentally!)

  11. Matt Quartermaine says:

    Now that is piss funny. As rare as a Hawthorn supporter with a sense of humour. Excellent Paul.

  12. Peter Flynn says:

    This works factually and as a pee take.

    Concur with Emmy Q.

  13. Paul Mitchell says:

    Thank you Matt Q and Peter F. I can see you both have a deep passion for our Great Glenferrie Game (TM). Matt Q, the Hawthorn Football League wishes you and the Hawthorn Football League team all the best for Saturday.

  14. Paul Mitchell says:

    Thanks also to Wocka. The HFL handball has taken many years to perfect and is now at a stage where it is ready to be rolled out into the HFL’s HawkKick program for 2016.

  15. Is there anybody associated with Hawthorn Football Club without Liberal Party links ?

    Glen!

  16. Paul Mitchell says:

    Glen, you are talking about our previous entity, the Hawthorn Football Club. I can neither confirm nor deny whether the Liberal Party has any links to the Hawthorn Football League. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s back to my caviar, whoops, just spilt some on my cravat and bow tie. Blast it all.

  17. Rick Kane says:

    I believe my butler votes for an inferior horde (or herd). Don’t worry, he’ll come round. They all do.

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