Floreat Pica Report- Round 15 v Port

By Kevin Ramsdale

typical |tipik?l|adjective having the distinctive qualities of a particular type of person or thing : a typical day | a typical example of 1930s art deco | typical symptoms. See note at normal .• characteristic of a particular person or thing : he brushed the incident aside with typical good humor.• informal showing the characteristics expected of or popularlyassociated with a particular person, situation, or thing : “Typical woman!” John said disapprovingly.• representative as a symbol; symbolic : the pit is typical of hell.

Typical, some kind of drama or event before a Collingwood game, just typical. Channel 7 would have thought all their Christmases had come at once when this game was scheduled at the start of the season, ratings winner in Melbourne and likewise in Adelaide, then it all went up a notch with Mark William’s sacking on Friday. The only bloke not happy would have been the poor guy who had to put the pre-match footage together with a couple of hours notice. All I could think was typical Collingwood, some major drama leading into the game, its usually a key opposition players milestone, or a backs to the wall situation, but this time with the coach sacked and seven straight losses the opposition had much motivation. Historically the roles have been reversed, a passionate Pies team with a lot to play for comes up against a more skilful opponent, valour gets us so far then the opposition’s skill prevails….what would transpire this time.

It was a fitting opening to an Adelaide based game with a kid with a spectacular mullet making the coin toss, wind blowing a gale we lose the toss and Port have the momentum from the outset. Reid gifts Port two goals with major errors and he is looking like a Danny Roach favourite not a Rising Star, my omen that players who get articles written about them pre game subsequently put in Barry Crockers is coming true, although Reid subsequently recovered so maybe The Age hoodoo doesn’t work interstate, I will need to do some more analysis on my superstitions. Its well into the quarter and we havent passed the centre, 16 minutes to go on the clock and we have only had seven possessions, Port goal again from a Pies turnover and Im thinking I’m never writing one of these reports again. Getting flogged at the stoppages and in the middle, Presti defends well, 12 minutes to go no inside 50’s and 48 possessions to 18….getting flogged. Typical Collingwood, looking like its one of those games we should win but drop. Everything going to wrong plan Cloke gets reported, hopefully this is the low point…it feels like we are getting back into it, well done to Presti again who wins it in the centre and we finally score (a point). Port are so much harder at the contest (39 to 23 contested possessions), their forward line is too open and they goal again, another back line turnover and no one on the goal line sees them goal again. Definitely not the start we wanted, we are fumbling, no clean hands, not applying pressure. Quarter time thankfully, 33 to 1, highlighted by 15 to 2 inside 50’s. All I can think is lets not kick points when its our go with the wind.

TV footage shows the Port Coaches box, that should be ‘ex’ coaches box, Williams, Rhode, Laidley….all of whom have been sacked or resigned. Second quarter opens with a flurry, Thomas scrambles one through after Leigh Browns bloody minded effort, I’m thinking I’d rather him in the side than Josh. A back line error assists Port in getting one back against the wind. Rodan gets a free from the worst decision in history after his own player makes high contact with him, Port are blocking up our forward line, we look rattled, Dale Thomas gets pinged for a jumper punch, Port gets another goal…its looking ugly. Then Swan and Didak turn it on, three goals in a row thanks to the aforementioned and then Cloke. Reid turns it over again, we hang in there and Didak goals again followed by a great mark to Swan and onto Dawes for another. Rodan is killing us in the contest, Westoff reminds me of the actor from Napoleon Dynamite. Toovey, Johnno, Cloke up to their old tricks. Luke Ball tough at the contest, he has been wonderful all year. Well done Beams, great effort Tarks to goal with 18 seconds left, all square at half time 7.5.47 a piece, we are back in it. Swan already has 23 possessions.

it all starts again, terrible start with Tarks infringing in the centre and Carr goaling from the outset, (Tony) Blair pegs one back with a confident running goal into the wind, I reckon his low drag coefficient is helping him heading to the left of screen…can’t believe how diminutive he is, but he certainly has a go, like a little dog taking on the big ones in the park. My wife comes home and starts telling me about the movie she has just been to see, ah ha, hmmm, thats interesting….and I get through it. Presti has an inside 50 taken away from him due to a free kick, Pendles misses and Jack wastes another entry with a nothing kick, Port are not going to roll over just yet. Harry and Swan are amazing down back in heavy traffic, Harry launches a bomb into the wind and hits the top of the post, Dawes nails a wonderful goal. We trailed by 36 points at one stage and are now very much on top, the momentum is with us. Rodan then kicks two great goals – who is on him?…who is on Swan? Port are back in it as Goldsack goes out on the full. Leigh Brown nails one from the impossible pocket into the wind, all square again before Dawes scores a 60 metre behind. We’ve done well into the wind and head to 3/4 time a point up.

Start of the last quarter, thinking we should run away with it, but thought the same against Brisbane. Tony Blair goals, he is another one of Mick’s rookie battlers, followed by Jolly we are 14 up. Lots of Geelong style handballs in the back line, momentum gets it forward then Dawes goals. Port pegs one back after Cloke turns it over with a hospital pass, courage by Heath Shaw backing into the pack, Toovey does the hard thing…then fumbles the easy, Dawes goals again we are looking home even though its only midway through the quarter. A Cloke miss is followed by a Thomas goal, home for sure now. Dawes is playing like he wants his spot as is Leigh Brown – a brilliant left foot goal on the run from a tight angle…even he looks surprised. Pendlebury is the class linking a series of handballs between Toovey,  Johnno and Goldsack, Jack bowls a bloke over in the centre…i’m thinking Josh will be back in for game 200 next week. Presti is denied another possession, like me in first year Uni he’s not good at picking up Stats, I cant wait for his biography of philosophical musings when he retires, it will be a triumph of minimalism.

Game over we secure a 26 point victory, a 62 point turnaround after a disastrous start. Job done, the weekend starts well, looking forward to the morning papers.

Tim Watson tries to bait Swannie about the next 7 games being at the MCG…”its because of the fans he retorts”, he is such a Collingwood player.

The Josh Mahoney, Mark Williams, John Cahill, Greg Phillips, Nathan Buckley, Alan Didak, Tredrea (father & son) could go on for a while here….medal goes to Dane Swan, followed by runners up Pendlebury and Thomas.

Here’s to the Saints next week, if we thought the media build up to tonights game was bad enough…this week will be fever pitch. Hope Harry nails the pest. Go Pies!

PS random quiz – name the two sets of twin brothers who played for both Collingwood and Port.

By  Tim O’Leary

Pies v Port

What a rubbish game.

The best bit was seeing Port supporters with their hopes up, only to be brought down again in the last quarter. I guess they choked…

Ben Reid delivered Port’s first two goals in an effort to make my night that bit easier. As usual the team visiting AAMI stadium was not entitled to the usual ration of free kicks and the quarter time scoreline was hopeless.

The only certainty was that Swan and Pendles weren’t going to be in the votes. Because we caught up to port and were going in to half time with scores even I decided to give all the boys a second chance and start the Roache’s afresh in the second half (Lucky for Reid).

In a daring display, Blair chose to not pass to Swan, and luckily for him got a goal because that kind of cockiness was going to get the first-gamer his first vote.

Jack’s bizarre repeat kick into the open fatside got him a definite vote. When Leroy kicked a good goal I gave him immunity for the game. Reid recovered and didn’t stuff up again so he was also safe.

The Roache’s:

3 Votes – Cloke – largely ineffective with some real  clangers – especially the kick to Beams in the last quarter to give Port a sniff and brought the port supporters  back into the game.

2 Votes – Anthony – a poor game,  poor decisions, poor head.

1 Vote  – Sidebottom – half a vote because of his name and half a vote due for doing very little value.


  1. Dave Nadel says

    Shane and Daryl Wakelin. Ryan and Nathan Lonie.

  2. Dave Latham says

    We like palming off the inferior half of brother sets to Port (see also Cloke, Traviata & Cameron)

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