AFL Round 9 – Pre-Wrap: Thanks for the Memories


Round IX

For the Philosophical Marngrook Follower

What a week it’s been in Football Eddie.  We’ll probably never know until we get there ourselves, but there’s a story going around that when The Little Guy in The T-shirt arrived at the Pearly Portals to Paradise he was confronted by The Gatekeeper.

“My Son”, St Peter said, “You’ve been a credit to your Family, your School, your Football Club & your Community, now you just have to complete a simple task to enter the Ultimate Hall of Fame.  To prove your worthiness, you have to empty Port Phillip Bay with a bucket”.

“Gee Your Saintliness, there’s not an alternative task is there?”

St Peter, who had always had a soft spot for the way Tommy inspired people with his positive thinking and clean living, said, “Well Tommy, there is.  You can go back down and coach Collingwood to a Premiership.  Coach Collingwood to a Premiership my son and entry to Eternity is yours”, said the kindly saint

Without having to stop to think Tommy said “Where’s that bucket”.

And have we seen the last of La Bumpe?  La Bumpe est mort.  Vale La Bumpe.  The Ecclesiastic Court is in session on this one as we speak.  Has what was originally conceived as a test of body on body guile become an offensive weapon?  An offensive weapon in the hands of totally pumped thugs to the point where it is just one step down from a king hit outside a nightclub?  A king hit on the ball player?  The bevy of mindless hits in Round VIII may have just tipped public opinion in favour of the ball player.  And with Gillon of The Overflow prepared to flex his unshackled muscles, expect some changes to the interpretation.

And while he’s at it, let’s see something done about ragdolling.  The way Big Kurt just tossed Schoenmakers aside to mark uncontested up in Steak & Kidney last Friday night looked awfully like the school bully in action.  (Where are the Mothers of Melbourne when you need them? – Ed)

A new broom sweeps clean, they say.  And the new copper they’ve got running the show at ASADA looks like he’s going to Clear The Temple. If, as has been said countless times, that there’s one too many clubs in Melbourne, could it be that the EFC becomes the sacrificial lamb?  (I think you mean scapegoat Wrap – Ed)  Things aren’t looking too promising out there at Whingy Hill.  Could they – with a bucket load of Appalling Football League largess & draft concessions – be heading for The Apple Isle?  It would certainly solve two problems for the April Fools League.  Three in fact.  It would silence the monotonous carping from arch Vandemonians like that Little Tommy Lane, about having a team down there in Taswegia.  It would help the Almighty Fcuk-up League deal with the problem that would be created should the ASADA outcome be the nightmare it’s giving every appearance of becoming.    And it would get the new administration at Jellymont House on the front foot early in the piece, providing them with a chance to emerge from their chrysalis as a decisive, moral citizen; an all things to all people commission.  (That in itself would be a temptation hard to resist, eh? – Ed)

Another slant is that we’ve had the good cop; now we’re getting the bad cop.  The Bombers confessed all to the good cop, and now the bad cop is going to act on what they’ve been told.  An interesting slant, however, it presupposes ASADA we’re that smart.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who’s going to be marking time after Round IX.

The Free Settlers v Carringbush on the PAO tonight.  The Chardonnays haven’t played with much sparkle all year.  Not sure what’s going on out at West Lakes, but the move into the Heart of the City hasn’t worked for them the way it has for The Alberton Mob.  The Woodsmen on the other hand are melding as a fighting unit.  They should win this one comfortably.

The Dons v The Bloods under cover on Friday night.  The Swans are coming off a hard contest against The Hawks.  The Bombers are coming off a couple of mediocre weeks against St Kilda & Footscray, albeit weeks in which they had to call in a few favours from The Football Gods to prevail.  Who would you pick?  Us too.  The Blood Stained Angels in a canter.

The Striped Marvels v The Lucifers on the Big Stage for the early one on Saturday.  Put down the glasses.  With Tommy’s words echoing in the dressing room they’ll Kick It Long To Royce.  The Tiges will win this one for Tommy, and they’ll win it on the bit.

The Galloping Kangaroos v The Roy Boys on the Shifting Sands in the gathering gloom.  The Shinboners were blown off the park in their last outing.  They’re playing another team from cane toad country on Saturday, but not one that should give them any grief.  The Roos.

The Anchormen v The Pivotonians over on the balmy shark infested shores of The Wide Brown Land on Saturday night.  The Moggies should be well rested for this one.  The Mauve Miasma on the other hand are coming off a demoralizing defeat by The Ladder Leaders.  SOTG hold variant views on how this will influence the outcome.  Our view is that The Barry Crockers will be fuming at the way their season’s gone, and will be fired up enough to hold off The Pussies.  Although a lot depends on who they regain.  The Iconic Zac & Danyle Pearce are half a chance, McPharlin not so sure.  The Cats can recall Andrew Mackie & Billy Smedts.  Make no mistake; she’s going to be a bottler.  The Hoopers wouldn’t want to drop off the pace at the Top of The Table, and The Dockers need to stay in touch.  We’re going to suggest The Purple Haze may have picked up a few clues from The Hinkleyites, and will put them to good use.  The Anchormen.  But it’s anybody’s game.

The St Seaford Seagulls v The Gold Coast Abletts under cover in Sunday’s gathering gloom.  The wheels seem to have fallen off The Junction Oval Bandwagon, whereas The Golden Suns are scorching.  Again, with deepest apologies to TLSJOF, The Suns.

Good tipping, and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.





About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.

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