Yabber (from the cheap seats)

“There are known knowns; there are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns; that is to say, there are things that we now know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns – there are things we do not know we don’t know”, if you know what I mean. And if you wanna know more, read on.

1.      Buddy Love

Buddy Love is a fictional alter-ego character from the film ‘The Nutty Professor’, invented by Jerry Lewis, based on “every obnoxious self-important hipster he ever knew” (Wikipedia). Buddy is a factual alter-ego character, invented by Lance Franklin. Non Hawks supporters like to think of Buddy as the epitome of every obnoxious self-important hot-shit they ever knew. When he hurdles players to kick amazing goals everybody wants to be him. When he doesn’t shine like a crazy diamond everybody wants his head.

Buddy apparently has had a couple of off weeks. In that time he hasn’t managed a goal. He has managed 17 disposals last week and 12 the week before, so he’s doing okay. He’s still getting his hands on the ball. His off week is most players’ standard week.

Jerry Lewis apparently reflected that “he should have made Buddy Love more evil — since more fan mail came for Love than the professor” (Wikipedia). This is the Buddy dilemma. His evil is outweighed by his cool. He is so cool he’s hot. But even a Buddy needs some help. What Buddy really needs from fans and pseudo-haters alike this week is love. C’mon let him feel your love.

2.      Portmanteaus aint as easy as they sound

I heard one of the best and wittiest portmanteau’s in recent times on the new Julia LouisDreyfus sit-com, ‘Veep’. Check it out. She plays the US Vice President. In a scathing throwaway, she dismisses a Republican as a procrastibator.

I heard one of the weakest and most mangled portmanteaus in a long time uttered by the AFL CEO, D-Dog. Better known, I guess, as Andrew Demetriou. In a door stop interview, commenting about the sinking ship SS Essendon, (my term, not his) he said, “The sooner some of our clubs, this is not all but a small few, stop this sort of scurrilous mongering, the better because it’s not doing anybody any good at all.” Scurrilous mongering? WTF? And what the hell does small few mean? At least he’s not an important spokesperson for a big lot organisation.

3.      SS Essendon

This week the SS Essendon released the Switkowski report on its internal investigation into the club’s governance and alleged use of Performance and Image Enhancing Drugs. It was more floridly described in the report, as “the rapid diversification into exotic supplements … and a pharmacologically experimental environment”. A sentence like that would scare the monger right out of you wouldn’t it? This (thin) (publicly available) report has not bettered SS Essendon’s stocks.

I’ll let Switkowski do the talking: “Compliance rules existed but normal controls during an abnormal period were insufficient to check the behaviours of some people who may have contravened accepted procedures, and the CEO and the board were not informed”. Oucheroonie!

There’s plenty to pull apart in this report and whatever comes next. Allow me to draw your attention to one (of frickin many) oddities in this humble report. Hey Switkowski, when you say “normal controls during an abnormal period were insufficient” what the heck do you mean? The only reason I can think that you would describe the time when the SS Essendon was allegedly a “pharmacologically experimental environment” as an “abnormal period” was because, um, normal controls (you know, governance) were not in operation.

Danks may well be Dr Frankenstein. However, this report, let alone what, um, independent investigation might reveal, suggest in fairly plain terms that key management (CEO, Coach) dropped the ball. Not a football. Not a medicine ball. But a wrecking ball. President Truman had a plaque on his desk with the inscription, ‘The buck stops here’. The question I’m left with in relation to SS Essendon is who is going to step forward and say the same thing.

4.      Emergency

On Sunday afternoon, while in Emergency at the Austin Hospital and doctors were attending to my daughter’s broken ankle I overhead nurses talking. Another teenager was being wheeled through and one nurse said to another, this is the sixth we’ve had come in today. She was talking about teenagers who had sustained injuries playing footy. Our daughter Mercedes was the odd one out because she was the only girl who sustained an injury playing footy. I asked the doctor what other sports resulted in injuries to kids and teenagers. She replied that 90% were from footy and all other sports combined came to about 10%. Mercedes will be off her feet for 6 weeks or so and knowing her, she’ll be antsy to play again as soon as possible.

One final thought.

The new The National album is out next week. I can’t wait. Here’s a taster:

Cheers, from the cheap seats



  1. Cannot wait for the new album from The National — one I suggest may bring them an acclaim that is long (long) overdue. That said, it is comforting in the age of The Voice, X-Factor et al to see a band became popular in a very traditional way: not through televised karaoke and feature-ready backstories, but by releasing some really good albums, then touring the hell out of them.

  2. Andrew Fithall says

    Keep up the good work Kaney

    I think Franklin would have been better served to have started his run of “poor form” a couple of weeks earlier.

    Was in discussion with another Knacker the other day and we had both independently come to the conclusion that for all Bruce Reid’s sanctimony,he really hadn’t taken much of a stand. Wrote a letter and then didn’t follow up. I think a bolder action, concerned that he was being by-passed and side-lined, would have been to resign and depart loudly rather than remain and keep silent.

    I am a bit with Leaping Larry on The National. I find them a bit boring. Okay listening but just never seem to take off. I like them, but not as much as others.

    If you want some new music, I highly recommend the new album from Melbourne 5-piece shoe-gazey guitar band Beaches – She Beats. Patrick Emery gave it four and a half stars in EG this morning. I concur with his assessment.


  3. AF

    re Bruce Reid: And a handwritten letter at that – probably delivered by a Raven. What does he think this is, ‘Game of Thrones’?

    BANG! My first ‘Game of Thrones’ reference on The Almanac – hoping to hit 200 by July.

  4. Hey Rick, you’ve got a brave daughter there. I like the cut of her jib.

    As for showing love for Buddy? Sorry, no can do. But I’ll meet you half way and try not barrack so vociferously against him (and it’lll be hard; hate Hawthorn glamour forwards.)

  5. Rick Kane says

    Good point re Bruce Reid fellas. I’ll revert to a favourite quote, the one Hamlet uses to instruct his players (that’s, er, actors not footy players). “Suit the word to the action and the action to the word”. With that in mind I’d say to Bruce Reid (and his colleagues) further up the ladder: Well done. Very honourable of you to write a letter. Such courage is hardly seen in these times …

    It’s a Hippocratic, not a hypocritical, Oath.

    As for your comments about Buddy Mr T Bone, looks like he’ll have to struggle on without your support. Oh well.

    Thank you for your kind thoughts about Mercedes. I’ll pass them on to the girl on the couch that rings a bell every 10 minutes for me to fetch a drink or lunch or whatever. What does she think I am, her primary carer or what?

  6. Rick Kane says

    NAB are asking us to ‘footify’ Australia. That’s an example of a poormanteau. Yes, I just made one up. Lewis Carroll would be choking on his hash pipe at the hash marketing types (and AFL CEOs) have made of his simple but wonderful invention.

    I say marketing types because a poet or a fan of words and meaning wouldn’t put their name to a vulgar invention like footify. The exclusionary connotations are staggering. And it’s lame.


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