Wordplay

I found this via email recently: The Washington Post’s MENSA Invitational invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supplying a new definition.

The winners (an excerpt):
1) Cashtration – to buy a house, rendering the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2) Ignoranus – someone who’s stupid and an arse
3) Intaxication – euphoria at getting a tax refund which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with
4) Foreploy – misrepresentations for the purpose of getting laid
5) Giraffiti – vandalism in very high places
6) Sarchasm – gulf between author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it
7) Osteopornosis – a degenerate disease
8) Glibido – all talk and no action
9) Caterpallor – colour you turn after finding out you’ve just found half a worm in your fruit.

The Washington Post also called for submissions in which readers supply alternate meaning to common words.
1) Coffee – the person upon whom one coughs
2) Flabbergasted – appalled by discovering how much weight you’ve put on
3) Abdicate – lose all hope of getting a flat stomach
4) Willy-nilly – impotent
5) Lymph – to walk with a lisp
6) Gargoyle – olive flavoured mouthwash
7) Balderdash – a rapidly receding hairline
8) Testicle – a humorous exam question

Rd 16 2013 FEARLESS: Adios 2013 Razor Ray – an AFL umpire carrying a leg!

Two similar sides took to Etihad on Friday night as North hosted Carlton. Master coach Malthouse took on former apprentice B Scott. The game had it all, mistakes by both sides, poor umpiring affecting both sides, skill errors, pressure..all  overshadowed by the tight tussle. Carlton’s 35pt lead got whittled down to a 1pt win.

The Hawks flew to Tassie to exploit the young Dogs at Aurora. Hawk gun Mitchell a late withdrawal and a Buddy-less Hawk forward line managed to conjure enough tricks to get over a spirited Dogs lineup. Roughy battled Roughy but Hodge’s steal off Griffin and long bomb goal the highlight. Dogs a few junk goals, Hawks by 19pts.

GWS coach Sheedy coached against Essendon for the last time. Fresh from the Swans’ shellacking, the Giants gave a spirited effort, leading at ¼ time. Cameron and Giles providing a viable attack as did unsung Don Travis Colyer. Tom Scully a late withdrawal – a sore shoulder from the bags of gold! Dons home at Skoda by 39pts.

The black and white army learned what many already have in 2013. A visit to the Gold Coast is no longer an easy 4pts. The Sunnyboys have one G Ablett (49 touches, 2 goals) to spoil anyone’s party and now young O’Maera as Gazza’s understudy. Sunnyboys music at the 5^th qtr: Bluey “Happy Man”, Bucks “I Can’t Talk To You.”

Brisbane would seem to be acclimatised to a roadtrip to Darwin, given Brisbane’s climactic patterns. Melbourne’s only acclimatisation was that they had played there more at Marara/TIO. The Demons started well, leading by 9pts at ¼ time but the Lions found touch in the 2^nd in the heat and humidity. Lions went on to win by 19pts.

Napoleon Dynamite Westhoff’s 2 game saving marks vindicated coach Hinkley’s faith in the Port big man to call the shots. Port had coughed up a 32pt lead at ¼ time, only to be reeled in by the young Saints. The umpires should’ve thrown away the whistle in the last 5 minutes but no – iffy decisions that impacted. Port just by 5pts.

The Tigers really wanted a big scalp. Freo without Ballantyne, Sandilands, Pavlich and McPharlin may have been ripe for a Tiger attack. A beautiful 9 degree Melbourne winter’s day might have helped! The Tigers led from the start and didn’t surrender the lead. Is it time yet for the f word for the Tigers??? Tigers home by 27pts. Cotchin 34.

Adelaide coaches Sanderson and Milburn have an intricate knowledge of Geelong due to their tenure at the Cattery. That didn’t help as much as anticipated as the Cats took control from the outset. After the main break, the Crows came harder. Bartel and Taylor would normally seal it but not this time. Crows by 2pts to keep 2013 alive.

Sydney flew far west to take on an Eagles team hellbent on keeping pace with other finalists. Swans Hannebery, Jack and Kennedy had other ideas. This was a stealth mission, not a replay of Grand Finals past. Eagle Kennedy and at the other end new Swan Tippett kicked the goals. Eagles had more possessions but Swans at Subi by 34.