“Where’s That Bearded Illywhacker?” – Don Bradman Lives Next Door : A Cricket musical

Preparations for the world premiere of Tangled Web Theatre Production’s latest presentation – the cricket show, Don Bradman Lives Next Door continues.

Opening night is March 17th at the Doncaster Playhouse, Doncaster (Melbourne), before hitting the road through March and all through April this year.


Here’s an exclusive snippet from the English dressing room when Fred Spofforth confronts Grace in 1882.



WG            We took the last three Australian wickets and needed only 85 for a grand victory. Apparently Spofforth was a tad upset about my run out. [Sitting to put on pads] I was padding up when the Demon burst into the English dressing-room.

FRED         [As Spofforth, fuming] “Where is he? Where’s that bearded illywhacker?”

WG            Are you addressing me, sir?

FRED         “Listen to me you dog. You’re a bloody cheat, mister.”

WG            I think you mean, ‘You’re a bloody cheat, Doctor’.

FRED         “Is that how you bastards play cricket? ”

WG            Better obviously than your manners.

FRED         “Blind Freddie could see our bloke was doing some pitch repairs.”

WG            Your bloke was out of his crease.

FRED         “Even the flamin’ ump had to ask if you was fair dinkum.”

WG            Sorry, I don’t speak Orstraylian.

FRED         I’ve heard about you. You don’t cheat, you’re too clever for that. You just bend the bloody rules.

WG            Jolly good. Now will that be all?

FRED         You couldn’t lie straight in bed, you crook, you crawler. You haven’t heard the last of this.

WG            One can but hope.

FRED         You’re lower than a snake’s belly. [Gesticulates – put ‘em up] You wanna stir the possum? Have a stoush? Well come on, stack y’drapery.

WG            [Looking around in vain, calling] Is there a translator in the pavilion?

FRED         You’re so low I wouldn’t use you for shark bait. I’m ropeable. I’m as mad as a gum tree full of galahs and you’ll need more than pads to survive out there. Ever heard of a Woolloomooloo uppercut? Trust me, Doc, you’re cactus.

WG            I blame the convicts.

FRED         I’ll be bowling like the clappers, mate. You’re a drongo. What are ya? You mongrel. [Exits a little]

WG            [Calling] I say you wouldn’t have an Australian curse would you?

FRED         [Back at WG] I hope all your chooks turn into emus and kick down y’dunny!

WG            [Polite applause] Oh bravo! Bravo!

FRED         [Right in WG’s face] This will lose you the match.



Don Bradman Lives Next Door tours for a month in late March/April and if you know of any clubs which would like a great show, get in touch with Ken Fox – whose details are on the flier below. It’s a great way to celebrate the end of the season and the World Cup.


Bradman Tour




  1. Neil Anderson says

    Can recommend the venue after being lucky enough to have a play on there in 2013 as part of the National Playwright Competition.
    Looks like a lot of fun after reading the script example and you just know that Fred’s moustache will be the star of the show.
    The script is a nice combination of C.J.Dennis, Steel Rudd and even Barry Mc Kenzie ( I hope all you’re chooks turn to emus and kick down your dunny! )

  2. Opens Wednesday March 18 then runs until Sunday March 22.
    Special performance at the Retreat Hotel Abbotsford, Sunday April 12.
    Superb two-course luncheon and show.
    Details and bookings from Ken Fox 9429 3004

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