We didn’t start the ire

With apologies to Billy Joel

Jeff G won’t say, Rules Committee, Razor Ray,
Not specific, inconclusive, woe is the video,
Off season, Ricky Nixon, new rules on rotation,
No career, south career, maudlin Caro,
Gold Coast, crowds bomb, Grand Final ticket sham,
Stevo, “The King and I”, and Glenn Archer, why oh why?
Code wars vaccine, Sydney’s got a new team,
Kirk Tippett, Steven Trigg, Matt Rendell goodbye

We didn’t start the ire
It was always burning
Since the comp’s been turning
We didn’t start the ire
No we didn’t like it
And we tried to fight it

Corrupted draw, piss off, clash strips, what-ev
Silly fella, Fev-orella, controversy, shock,
Draft con, Ando gone, tanking did go on,
SportsBet, Betfair,  integrity schlock,
Einstein, extra cap, Sydney’s got a winning team,
Steven Dank, Peter Pan, AFL, head in sand,
Scully, Visy, Chris Judd, concessions arbitrary,
Princess Bwuce, “delicious pace”, Seven’s in the sewers

We didn’t start the ire
It was always burning
Since the comp’s been turning
We didn’t start the ire
No we didn’t like it
And we tried to fight it

Little crock, hands in back, Mickey Mouse, out of whack,
Hamish, what a guy, just not seen on QI,
Gillon, has some gall, twilight football,
Meatloaf, music died, was so bad that I cried,
Ben Cousins, “No strikes”, West Coast Mafia,
Jumping hoops, don’t know, Tassie is a no-go,
Damo, Hutchy, Pay TV or BT,
Jeff Kennett, “Psycho”, undermining Clarko,

We didn’t start the ire
It was always burning
Since the comp’s been turning
We didn’t start the ire
No we didn’t like it
And we tried to fight it

Sheedy, Cameron, strangers in a strange land,
Wanderers, A-League invasion,
AFL Media, independence expedia,
Boys club, KB, money beats passion,
Gen Y, Player X, St Kilda girly sex,
Privacy blown away, what else do I have to say?

We didn’t start the ire
It was always burning
Since the comp’s been turning
We didn’t start the ire
No we didn’t like it
And we tried to fight it

Remote control, in the bin,
Ricky Nixon back again,
Truth shot, laughing stock, Ramsgate, N Bock,
Garry Lyon, Caroline, here comes another whine,
Demetriou I’m no fan, should be running Kazakhstan,
“Wheel of Fortune” penalty, MRP to preside,
Club debts, hard ball gets, rolling pack, hidden PEDs,
Hypodermics on the floor, footy’s under WADA law,
Eddie and Mick Malthouse wars, I can’t take it anymore!

We didn’t start the ire
It was always burning
Since the comp’s been turning
We didn’t start the ire
No we didn’t like it
And we tried to fight it

(c) @JeffDowsing

About Jeff Dowsing

Washed up former Inside Sport and Sunday Age Sport freelancer. Now just giving my stuff away to good homes. Not to worry, still have my health and day job. Published & unpublished works fester on my blog Write Line Fever.

Comments

  1. Lord Bogan says:

    Brilliant Jeff.

    Great to finally meet you Friday. This has made my morning. So ‘clever’ and too true.It is a wonderful game. Why are so many intent on destroying it?

  2. Fantastic work Jeff, loved it.

    Every line was great but especially liked the Demetriou Kazakhstan line. Astana is probably ahead of Hobart in the expansion team queue in the chief’s mind anyway.

  3. Brilliant Jeff. Loved it.

    (You won’t believe this, but just yesterday, I was thinking about doing exactly the same thing!!!!!!!!! Though I’m not a huge Billy Joel fan, I have to give him due credit for the structure of this song. It’s perfect for conjuring imagery in a rapid and chaotic way. As for beating me to the idea, I’m glad you did, coz I couldn’t have done anything as good as this. Bravo.)

  4. Simon Willcox says:

    ( put preferred superlative here) work Jeff
    Agree with T Bone would like to be able to do that too
    Get a friend with a piano and record it NOW
    It will be a hit all over again

  5. smokie88 says:

    Great stuff, Jeff.
    Even better than the real thing, maybe?

    Cheers
    Smokie

  6. DBalassone says:

    Very nicely done Jeff. Looking forward to your versions of “Innocent Man” for James Hird and “Scenes from a Greek-Cypriot Restaurant” for Demetriou.

  7. Rick Kane says:

    Good work Jeff.

    We might not have started the ire but we some of the shit coming at us me may well start the pyre!

    Are you going to follow the Joelster and go on a lecture tour based on the song? Or are you planning a follow up, rewriting ‘Its The End of the World As We Know It’?

    Cheers

  8. Rick Kane says:

    That should have read: but with some of the shit coming at us we may well …

  9. Michael Viljoen says:

    Some nice touches, Jeff.
    I like that you got Richard Nixon in there, and some of the other nods to the original song.
    I’m also a Billy Joel fan. I’ve too got a Joel tune here on the website –
    “Keep The Rules The Way They Are.” (An ode to Kevin Bartlett and the Rules Committee.)

  10. Thanks for all the positive comments everyone. Some lines presented quite a challenge keeping true to the original linguistic dynamic (and staying within the bounds of libel).

    Great to finally meet you on Friday too Phil, you are certainly no bogan, let alone Lord of the bogans!

  11. “Garry Lyon, Caroline, here comes another whine,
    Demetriou I’m no fan, should be running Kazakhstan”

    Brilliant. Loved teh original, and love this. I agree with Simon. Get a friend with a piano, record it, and post it on YouTube.

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