VAFA Premier C – Willy CYs v Ivanhoe: A Multiplicity of Smokies

By Darren “Smokie” Dawson



Have you ever seen the 1996 film Multiplicity starring Michael Keaton? It might be better to ask if you have you even heard of it. In a nutshell, it is the story of a fellow with a busy life, working long hours for the man, struggling to find spare time with his family. To boil down the wafer-thin plot even further: this guy Doug (played by Keaton) meets a whacky scientist who offers to create clones of Doug, so he can perform any number of different tasks at the same time. Doesn’t that make you want to download the whole film and watch it? No?


It is about this time of year, when the morning chill makes it less enticing to get out of the sack, that I tend to sleep heavier at night. How satisfying is it to wake, eyes filled with gunk, doona tangled up as tight as a straight-jacket, and know that you have slept as if unconscious (and you haven’t even had a drink the night before)? The counterpoint for me is that deeper sleeping patterns bring with them dreams that are broader, more vivid and way more weird than normal. One winter – and this was an all-time favorite – I dreamt that it was the 1970’s, and I was the drummer in Led Zeppelin, flying around the U.S. on tour in the Starship, and that my name was John Bonham. Sadly, that dream dissolved with me waking up and spluttering and thinking for a split second that my life was ending the very manner that Bonham’s did.


A recurring dream, which has spilled over into the realm of fantasy, loosely follows the Multiplicity storyline. A whacko Dr Zeus type has cloned me, resulting in the (for some) frightening prospect of multiple Smokies going about their business in Williamstown. The possibilities are endless. I could finally find the time to do those menial but time-consuming tasks around the house, wash my car, visit relatives and friends more regularly. Most importantly, it would be possible to both spend time with the missus on a weekend and journey down to the Fearon to watch the CYs play. The only issue for my fellow CYs supporters is that you would get the clone, as my missus would get first choice – assuming she selects the “real” Smokie, of course. But where would the cloned ones sleep? How could I afford to feed and clothe them? The positives and negatives are weighted perfectly.


And if you have never seen Multiplicity, don’t worry. It is actually a terrible film which makes a meal out of a potentially great premise. The best that can be said for it is that Andie MacDowell is almost as luminous in it as she was in Groundhog Day. And that reminds me of another of my constant dreams – the one in which I wake up every morning and live the same day over and over again. Which, at this time of year, is what I am doing for real anyway.


About Darren Dawson

Always North.

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