VAFA Premier B – Fitzroy v Old Carey: Cuzzie sans two teeth? Whatever, the Roys prevail.

Spring was in the air as your not so humble correspondent made his way down to the Brunswick Street Oval. Fitzroy v Old Carey is not a match that excites like an Adelaide or a Perth derby, but the Roys needed a win badly. Relegation is also in the air.


I was late for my duties on the scoreboard for the twos, arriving as Fitzroy kicked the first  goal of the match. It was a high class reserves match but unfortunately Carey blew us away in the last quarter to record a big win.


Quite a lunch crowd assembled to listen to my brother-in-law’s two brothers entertain the crowd but I was busy scoring and burning my tongue on a Kransky but this was the last moment of pain for the Hill clan on this day.


The Seniors started at a frenetic pace and, early on, was a very physical affair. I don’t mean big hits off the ball, shirt fronts, and all those sorts of things glorified by the ignorant. I mean physical as we were winning the Leigh Matthew stat hands down. This is the stat that records who hands the ball back to the ump for the ball up. This is the stat that shows who is getting down and dirty. This stat records who is first in and getting their hands on the ball.


Look up the first quarter on the VAFA TV. At one stage we effected several smothers, won a ball up, Rory threw himself at the ball but was adjudged to be ‘holding the ball’. The resultant, free kick was marked by Gator who pumped the ball forward and Nino came from nowhere, to snatch a mark, and convert for full points.


There was a rock band called Boom Crash Opera. On Saturday Fitzroy were playing the smother, tackle, spoil opera that was beautiful to see and uplifting to hear.


The first quarter, kicking with a breeze worth a couple of goals, finished with Fitzroy five goals up which  proved to be a match-winning lead.


Very early on Mark Obushak was stretchered off with a ‘knee’ and Cuzzie copped an accidental headbutt from a Carey player. This could have been quite a serious injury but mouth guards save. It also helped that the Carey players head was encased in a cushioning mop of hair. I have always said ‘bald is beautiful”, but maybe hairy is safer. A quick trip to 49 Doncaster Road and the Doncaster Hill Dental Surgery soon had Cuzzie and I back at the BSO to watch most of the last quarter.


Now all supporters have their hobby horses. You know those topics that they go on and on about each week without fail. You shudder when these topics come up because you know exactly what they are going to say, and you know they will bore the pants off everyone as they dribble on about XYZ. I mean, don’t they know they are labouring the point to the point of putting everyone off side. Forget about Sisyphean labours, this is serious.


Now I go on and on about having a ‘tall’ in the goal square for the long kick into the goal mouth, and as I returned to the Brunswick end of the BSO, after patching up Cuzzie, a quick kick into the goal square was marked by a the towering figure of our number 33, Maloney esquire. All the Tram conductors were at pains to point out the wisdom of my usual pontification, but if you don’t have a tall, the shortest player on the field will have to do.


This goal put the game beyond Carey’s reach and it was all over red rover.


Since I missed half the match it’s hard to be too specific why we won, but early on Rory was terrific in close, but so was everyone else. Gator rampaged around the ground, with a visible hunger for the high mark. Clearly his best game for the club at such an important time. Liga was the general down back.


Now some Fitzroy football club slang has entered the dental lexicon out in Doncaster. On an earlier essay I described Ted Clayton as being comparable to the Lower Universal Forceps as this forceps can be used all over the mouth (it can remove every tooth while most forceps are designed to remove only one tooth). We have all seen the Ted has been played all over the ground.


Well today I needed a Lower Universal Forceps and my nurse (a Malaysian Chinese lass who has only been in Australia a few months) asked  , “Phil, do you need the fat or skinny Ted Claytons?”


We are off to play Old Scotch and have a listen to our coach’s address after the game. Let’s roar our way to the end of the season and win the last two.


See you all next week.

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