What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  On the Friday night The Barry Crockers out fumbled The Feeling Faints to slip in by 13 points.  On the Saturday it was The Team Who Never Let You Down’s turn to suffer the bitter ignominy of being beaten by Essendon.  Carringbush took the honours in The Battle of The Magpies.  Adelaide did what had to be done against Sheedy’s Scallywags.  The Coasters held out The Mayblooms in a thriller in the wet.  And Brissy easily took the QClash III with a 10 goal to one 2nd half.

Come Sunday and it was The Pivotonians who outlasted The Tigers of Old in a match they would have been happy to win by 10 points in the end.  The Bloods continued their winning way with a convincing all the way win over the Roos.  And The Scrays broke their 2012 drought against The Hapless Demons.

Hey, how did you go Punters & Pundits?  A bit of a rough weekend?  There’s a few runners that deserve a swab.  You whistle & I’ll point.  (You wouldn’t be pointing north from the Haymarket Roundabout would you Wrap? – Ed)  Right both times Fearless Editor in Chief.  Which suggests we’re due for an early season review.  Let’s start with TRP – like all Alley Cats, they’re a dangerous animal when cornered but not as well nourished as last year.

Carringbush are loaded with GAD and burdened with being Collingwood.  They’ll be there, and be there in a season when just being there may be enough to win on the day against who they opposition are able to field against you.  (You all right there Wrap? – Ed)

The Swans are The Bloods and ever more shall be so.

The Bombers – love ‘em or hate ‘em, are also going to play a part in the season.  Those who cast them as the class clown of 2012 may have some anxious moments before their injury list outweighs their ambition, but for now they sit four & zip and have the look of a fighting unit worthy of respect.

West Coast are going steadily about their business and have all the makings of a Top Four Side – including 12 games on the western edge of The Fatal Shore.

Carlton, with the Whole Football World watching, they were sat on their derriere by The Bombers on Saturday.  The end of the world?  No.  A sign of Royal Parade arrogance?  It’s not unknown.

Adelaide – The Pride of South Australia – but then apart from the Simpson Desert & Coffin Bay Oysters what else have they got?  (How about some of the best wines in the world Wrap?  It sounds like you’re drinking some right now – Ed)  They’re better than most, and unless they have a mid-season collapse they should make up the numbers in September.

Fremantle – They jumped The Cats in the opening round but have struggled to assert authority since.  Although the Flaky Freo tag no longer applies.

St Kilda – treading water, but have some strong swimmers, and if they catch a wave will beat a few into shore.

North Melbourne – travelling 2 & 2, but play better than that.  The loss to Sydney would have shaken them – déjà vu all over again – but they should be able to rise above the paranoia of TLSASF.

Hawthorn – around at Glenferrie Oval they’re Taking It One Week At A Time.  They should be there in September, but they keep losing the close ones.  A worry.

Brisbane – showing signs that a trip to the Lions’ Den is not an automatic Four Points, but that’s about all.

Richmond – every sign that The Tiger is awakening.  September Action would be nice, but Glorious Ninth will indicate a season by season improvement.  A side in waiting.  Each year they improve their list.

Port Power – another improver.  A bit shy on talent but give a good honest account of themselves.  To be under estimated at the estimator’s peril.

Western Bulldogs – on the board at last, which must be a relief for a club re-building under a new coach.

Melbourne – a basket case that will only be saved from the Wooden Spoon by GWS’s woeful percentage.

The Gold Coast Sunbeams – shafts of sunlight beaming down through the clouds.  That Flag in five years prediction looking more and more like spin from the pulpit.  There’s still lots of rain to come yet.

GWS – stands for Good Will Squandered.  Not to mention a truck load of hard earned dollars.  Going nowhere real soon.

Entries have closed for the Finish This Sequence Segment.  The submissions were divided equally between Same President and Different Coach.  Take a bow if you got both answers.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who opened the door in Round IV.

The Feeling Faints v The Barry Crocker.  TLSJOF gave Ross Lyon an Animal Cage Welcome to his first match against his old club while wearing the RedGreenPurple&White of Fremantle.  The Iconic Zac also received a solid booing every time he went near the ball and the Bronx Cheer the two times he turned it over, and they nearly brought the Dockland Roof down when Kozzie outplayed him to score The Sainters’ only two majors for the Championship Quarter.  Freo would have been happy with the Four Points but disappointed with their game.  They had chances to seal this one well before the Final Siren, but they let St Kilda hang about.  The same could be said of The Saints.  Neither side brought authority with them and it’s difficult to see them, on last night’s form, of doing anything other than making up the numbers, whether it’s for the season or September.  It was an underwhelming, albeit entertaining, display from both combatants.  The Longshoremen have The Miseries OTE at home on Friday night.  St Seaford run out on The Big Stage for a Saturday night encounter against The Fuchsias.

The Miseries v The Marshmallows.  The Flags along La Via Lygon are once more at halfmast.  With Jobe Watson leading from the front, The Bombers Blitzed The Only Team All Carlton Knows in the middle two quarters.  Kicking 9-11 to 1-8 in half a game is always going to stand you in good stead over the whole journey.  And it was The Marshmallows doing the toasting.  They hit The Rattzbaggers hard from the bounce and played a tight disciplined game that totally numbed Captain Carlton & The Blues Brains Trust.  With The Bombers getting off the ground in a way that belied recent form, they made The Miseries look 2nd rate and had Punters & Pundits reappraising their equal Premiership Favouritism.  If they wilted under the pressure from The Whingy Flat Softcocks, imagine the melt down in September when they face the hard bodies & minds of Geelong, West Coast & Hawthorn.  Make no mistake; this is a serious reality check for The Bluebaggers.  Are they a bit ahead of themselves?  Did they take their eye off the ball on the day?  Did they show distain for their opponent?  All these questions will be answered next Friday night when they board the Indian Pacific to face The Purple Horde.  For The Bombers it may turn out to be a Pyrrhic Victory.  The MRP may take a different view of a couple of the tackles that cracked The Carlton Façade, and their key forward Michael Hurley will miss The Anzac Day Clash on Wednesday.

The Melbourne Magpies v The Adelaide Magpies.  Port won two of the four quarters, but this game was over by the 1st change.  But The Melbourne Maggies didn’t have it all their own way.  Coach Fig Jam would have breathed a heavy sigh of relief at the Final Siren.  It’s been a long couple of weeks for them  What with their supporter base being divided – some of the correspondence that Nurelle opened with Carringbush & West Heidelberg postmarks suggested they would finish in the Cellar under the new coach – he has to get his charges up for The Anzac day Blockbuster. BTW, welcome back Harry O. The Tealers will again take comfort from a worthy performance, but there’s no 2nd prizes at Alberton.  Over the match, they hauled in 1-3 of the 5-3 flying start they gave Collingwood.  They’ll glean what Self Belief they can from that in preparation for Showdown XXXII to close off proceedings for Round V.

The Pride of South Australia v The Greater Western Sydney Experiments.  The Rabid Adelaide Mob had little reason to bay as The Mighty Adelaide Crows made a meal of what should have been a piece of cake over in the City of Light.  Coach Mumbles manoeuvred & inspired his charges to limit the damage and hold together the fragile minds of the bunch of teenagers under his command.  Adelaide’s not the happiest hunting ground for the best of them, and The Agent Oranges did well.  They can slip back to Breakfast Point having taken another step on the long, long journey ahead of them.  With 48, they had 20 less unforced errors than their opponents, and just as a matter of interest, four less than Carlton.  As for The Chardonnays, Coach Sandman will have the cattle prodder out for Tuesday training.  While the outcome was never in doubt, the way they went about it muted even the visioned challenged members of the Crows’ Cheer Squad.  The Cockroaches have invited The Western Bulldogs up to the National Capital for the early one on Saturday.  The Crows find themselves in yet another Showdown.

The Coasters v The Mayblooms.  It brings us no pleasure to have to say this, but it has to be said.  GTWTCO.  The Squawkers are making a habit of this – losing the close ones – and it must have the Hawthorn Hierarchy worried – not to mention those family pets & childhood obsessional objects that have been signed up out at Waverly.  To know they can match it with the best is one thing.  To know they have the wood on them is another.  Cyril once more produced his trademark 15 minutes of Football.  And Buddy Richoed a costly 1-6, including a trademark slitherer that broke wide.  They drag The Lakers down to Lonny for the early one on Sunday to see if that will help them.  It’s hard to judge from these sorts of encounters what was proven, other than these are two very tough sides – both above and below the shoulders.  It was The Eagles first real test for the season and under the circumstances they’d be more than happy with the Four Points.  The Eddie Eagles are guests of Richmond under cover for the middle game on the same day.

The Lions v The Metermaids.  Promoted as QClash III, this Crosstown Blood Feud never lifted to more than the intensity of a practice match.  Once The Little Master was chaired off the ground between two trainers, the result was a foregone conclusion.  The main item of interest surrounding The Sunbeams is whether or not they are going to have the same coach next year.  With Malcolm Blight hovering and intoning all sorts of destabilizing comments, it can only have an adverse effect on young minds a long way from home.  The question is – has he the imprimatur of Jellymont House to answer in such an open ended way?  It hasn’t got to the stage of a 110% backing of the board declaration yet, but it can’t be helpful that the wheels have been put in motion.  The coach in question prepares his charges for a trip to Bleak City to play the Shifting Sands of the Docklands next Saturday night against the Nomadic Kangaroos.  For the Lions it’s back to The Gabbatoir to roll out the Maroon Carpet for The Greatest Team of All.

The Greatest Team of All v The Endangered Species.  The Tiges threw everything at TRP bar the Reg Hickey Stand.  And it would only be fair to say, that’s what they have to – and to stop making those stupid mistakes under pressure.  It will come – and with it the Self Belief needed to match it with the best in The Competition.  The Moggies may consider themselves lucky, but you have to be in the match for luck to be a deciding factor – and The Handbags were always in this one.  And as long as Joel Selwood can keep slipping his head into tackles and the jPod, Stevie J & Big Tomahawk can monster backlines, and Harry Taylor lead a winning defence they’ll be there.  They’ll be even more dangerous once Chappy gets rolling.  They’ve got a trip up to Brissy next Saturday for a night game.  The Tiges host The Ladder Leaders under cover on the Sunday.

South Melbourne v North Melbourne.  The Shinboners may have overly imbibed the Spiritual Nectar of their club after their Famous Victory over TRP last round.  They certainly played like it.  This was a costly loss, and a very handy – and well earned – win for the Senior Sydney Club.  In fact, and as much as you can only play as well as your opponents allow – The Bloods looked super efficient.  They test themselves down at Hork Park for the early Sunday match next round.  The Nomads are back in the home paddock for the twilight Saturday match against none other than the Golden Crescent Football Club.

The Fuchsias v The Kennel Coughs.  Mark Neeld said – We think the endeavour of the players and their desire today was terrific.  It was a good contested brand of footy.  Never mind what the Dalai Lama would have said.  What would Norm Smith have said – or Ronald Dale?  I can see the mouth guard flying across the locker room from here.  A good contested brand of footy?  I’ll look for it on my super market shelves.   They keep that up they’ll find themselves on the shelf as a Home Brand – like GWS & GCFC.  The Bulldog’s coach said – the win would help reinforce and validate to the players the path they were taking.  Trust is often based on results.  Can anyone tell us here in the Wrapcave what the hell he’s talking about?  Either of them for that mater.  (You think you may have validated the path these two clubs are going down Wrap? – Ed)  Fair dinkum, this game’s so bl**dy simple.  First you get the ball, and then you do something with it.  And these two highly credentialed – presumably AIS accredited – coaches are being paid serious money.  The only path I can see leading out of Whitten Oval is the garden path, and we’re all being led down it.  As for the Dees, they play GWS twice, in what should decide who will have their name inscribed on The Coveted Sylvan Shield.   That should give them some brand exposure.  Here’s the nurse with my medication.  I’ve gotta go now.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Good stuff Mr Wrap. I have been scratching my head about the Bombers and Blues. I often have the “I should have seen that coming” feeling about upsets. But not this one, just ‘what the’. I considered the TR factor, but even our esteemed Red Hill correspondent’s early crow couldn’t have put that much of a mozz on them. What the??
    Then the Eagles Hawks jelly wrestling contest, when I was sure it was going to be a classic. I know it drizzled on and off. But what the?
    PB Theory #3,967. Strange things happen when teams that have similar strengths/game plans get together. I have no opinion of the Gliders, but they are quick. Leg speed is the Ratzbaggers X factor, and the Gliders are probably the only team that could outdo them in that department.
    Same but different over here at Subi. Clarko and Woosha still have the first threepence that the tooth fairy left under their pillows. They keep their friends close and their enemies closer. They both tried to outstare the sunset on Saturday evening. Eventually the Hawks sun blinked and set.
    Now to work out who plays what style. Most teams are necessarily one trick ponies.
    Now for Theory #3,968……

  2. Not concerned about the Hawkers loss on Saturday night. Gee, we went into it with huge questions about our backline’s capacity to match it with the Evils Tall Timber forward line. And Birch (our best back-man) wasn’t in the final squad either. With that in mind, I reckon the Hawks defence held up pretty damn well.


  3. Little Whossha would have knocked the tooth fairy’s pearly whites out with a late coat hanger for only leaving threepence PB.

  4. Secret Squirrel’s consistent soft tissue injuries and cramps at crucial times must be a worry.

    You cant afford to have ‘half’ your team struggling at the end of must win close ones.

  5. Mr Phantom, I took the boy to the pub to watch the Cats play the Tiges. Are you happy with how the Cats are playing presently?

  6. Rick,

    supporters from two specific teams (Tigers and Hawks) have given me enormous amounts of grief over the past three decades.

    Of course I am happy with the way the Cats are playing at the moment.

  7. Hawks should get rid of that Buddy person. Can’t kick. Can’t tackle.

  8. That would be challenging Les.

    With Squirrel and Baaardy out that’s their full team.

  9. Rick Kane says

    If only they had let Buddy use his Buddyball then he would have goaaaaaaaaaaallleed!!.

    Ghost who walks, I like your confidence, as misplaced as it might be!

  10. Rick,

    I wish you were that very large Crayfish I have been trying for years to catch off the rocks at Rocky Cape.

    I can never get it to take the bait.

  11. Wrapster – the Tigers were good. Or at least improving. Good to see them give a growl against the Cats. Were the Cats lucky? Probably. Been lucky since 2009.

  12. Moggies weren’t lucky. The Tiges are still the Tigers Of Old – same old skill and judgement errors. So in that respect The Pussies were lucky they were playing The Tiggers.

    But hey, we know where we’re at. How about The Only Team All Carlton Knows? Not a peep out of JB & Coy since they declared themselves the 2012 Premiers.

    And how long can Essendon defy gravity?

    I’m still looking at a Maybloom v Eagles GF. Maybe an historic one – played in The West under lights. I wouldn’t put it past them. See you at the barricades.

  13. Wrapster,

    if Hawthorn play West Coast in the grand final I will swim from Cape grim to Rotnest Island, kick a Quokka, job the arresting Copper and burrow my way home under Perth, The Nullabor, and Bass Strait using one of those commemorative tea spoons they sell in the Fremantle Market.

  14. You’re surely not suggesting that a place is reserved on TLSIS for a team from down near the Bottom End of the Bay are Phanto? I’ll buy you the shovel for the return journey.

  15. Not at all Wrapster.

    It is just that I do not share your enthusiasm for the two teams you mentioned.

    Hawthorn do not impress me and the Eagles are yet to play a top side.

    I am off to see the Swans at York Park on Sunday. The work from the squawks supporters is that they will smash the Swans.

    I have a differing opinion to that.

    Tiges have the best midfield in the competition so the Cats did ok on a down day.

    (Did you notice that the grandstand was missing on Sunday. Apparently the Pies ressies supporters were there a few weeks ago.)

  16. Hi Ghost, this is crayfish Kaney swimming around looking for nibbles … whaddya mean the Hawks don’t impress you? Even more hurty, “the Eagles are yet to play a good side”. Okay, I’m in a frenzied nibble now. Then I read “the Cats did ok on a down day” and it stops me in me tracks. I laugh. Me sides are splittin. Yer hook is baitless. I shakes me head and think, you know, I like that curmudgeonly old cur, cussing and cracklin in that cave of his. And I feels for him too. Five years of exaltation. I’ve been there. It’s intoxicating. But all good things must come to an end. “Ok on a down day”. That’s piss funny. Cheers

  17. Fair response ‘Crustacean Kane’ but I detect a bit of quality coaching on emotive speech from ‘Ned’ Perry.

    It reminds me of one of his quarter time blasts when his team is a bit behind.

    We have Latrobe at Wynyard this weekend. I will no doubt be conversing with him so I may get a ‘heads up’ on ‘cousin crayfish’ prior to hostilities. He gets very focussed during hostilities.

    Any messages for the Hawks on Sunday? If not I am sure I could come up with some nice advice from the middle of the Gunns Stand where their better class of supporters roost.

  18. I don’t really know Dale Perry. I’ve met him a couple of times when I’ve visited out Tassie sites. I understand that he has recently left our company, WISE Employment, which is sad. The Tassie Manager was up in Melbourne last week and I had some goodies for her to pass on to him to hopefully get to you. That’s when I found out he had resigned. When you see him wish him well. Good luck with the game. I’ll hold on to siad goodies for another time.

    Me emotive speech is all me own and it’s from the heart!

    Could you cheer on Birch (his home ground), Gilham and Hodge who should all be in the squad and making a difference. Remind doubters that our back line has conceded a total of 7 points in our two losses. Wins would make for a better argument but 7 points across two losses doth not a sinking ship make. And wave the flag, you might even feel a twinge of excitement for a new day dawning.

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