The Vatican HR department responds to comments made on Monday by ex-Pope Benedict.

Date:                     3 April 2013

To:                          Pope Emeritus (the artist formerly known as Pope Benedict)

From:                    Head of Vatican Human Resources

CC:                         Head of Vatican Legal

Subject:                 Your Monday radio interview

Your Holiness

Whilst I have spoken to Pope Francis and he has said he was not offended at all by your comments on Easter Monday, both the Head of Legal and I wish to point out that your statement that he should be sacked were not helpful to the organisation at such an early stage in our year.

I appreciate that you have apologised and that your comments were borne from a strong sense of frustration, but how Pope Francis runs his Easter program is a matter for him and the company.

We both appreciate that having you as an ex-Pope was going to be a unique challenge for us all to deal with and that you were bound to be what Vatican Radio refers to as a ‘go-to man’ when they need a headline, but I’d ask you to respect the long term plans we have in place for Francis and his team, as his selections and tactics have the full confidence of the organisation.

I do understand how peeved and disappointed you were that you had your first Easter Sunday off in years and the AFL served up that drivel of a Melbourne game for you to watch, but that’s not really an excuse. Regardless of calling yourself ‘just a pensioner’ and a passionate supporter of the faith, we disagree that fundamental changes are necessary this early in Francis’s reign, with him just saving signed a contract.

In relation to some of the logistical issue you mentioned since leaving the Pope position, I am sorry you feel the Toyota Cressida is a major step down from the Pope Mobile, and I will see what I can do to get an Italian vehicle from the car pool.

I’m also afraid your mobile no longer has global roaming and I must remind you that those talkback calls you are making to SEN from the landline are really racking up the phone bills.

I’ll also take this opportunity to remind you of your post-employment restraint clauses. I am aware that you met the representatives of the Church of England last week and I noted the Mick Malthouse biography on your side table, so I’d hate to think you were talking to people about a return to a senior position elsewhere.

Finally, in response to some of the issue you mentioned in your (late night) e-mail to me:

  1. Yes, maybe if even more of the Melbourne players grew beards to make them look like Jesus they’d play better but I think their issues run deeper than that.
  2. I’m not sure if Jay Schultz was as far out of bounds as Wayne Harmes was but I agree it looked dodgy to me too.
  3. I’m sure that most people would still agree that God and Jesus were a better father-son combination than Gary Ablett and his dad but I think they were just talking about football ability this time.

I’m sure we’ll talk soon



About Sean Curtain

"He was born with a gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad". First line of 'Scaramouche' by Sabatini, always liked that.


  1. The Wrap says

    Irreverence is a precursor to sanity Sean. Love your take on life son.

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