The Temple of Mick

By David Latham

Like Robert Walls, Mick Malthouse loves a grafter and humble clubman who knows how to turn a good sausage at club barbeques.  It would appear that Mick’s perception runs into another dimension, inaccessible to mortal computation, and in that Labyrinthine mind of his, a paucity of football skill is no barrier to team listings and success.

If Walls is a very Catholic thinker on football matters, Mick is positively monastic.  It’s not important if you don’t understand the value of plodders in the greater scheme, Mick does, and can’t rate highly enough his paragons of virtue.

What those virtues consist of is not always clear to true beleivers, but Mick often works at the supra-rational level, transcending logic and even the senses in his approach to matters earthly.

In Micks world, the ascetic proves superior to the aesthetic, or even the athletic.  Why wear a silken robe when you have a wardrobe of hairshirts to choose from?

Self-flagellation and hymns of praise just may see us enter the kingdom.

Behold, heretics, the unfathomable and hidden talents of Leigh Brown, Shane O’Bree and Josh Fraser.  Be not fooled by surface qualities like skill and elan, for he who is meek shall inherit the earth and he who is last shall be first, and seated at the right hand.

In the year 2009, Leigh Brown had riches amassed in heaven for his good and unquantifiable deeds.  Leroy might have constantly flouted the law and given the least at the altar, but he had the least to give, ergo, he had given the most.

For years the ruck apostle, Josh, has appeared to us physically as an origami crane strapped to a bag of wet cement and trying to jump out of a puddle of glue.   And many of the faithful did gather around the temple and proclaim him a false idol, but to the relief of the zealous Joshiites, Mick provided clarity, proclaiming ‘Josh is not dead, but sleepeth.’

And the disciple Shane, has he not ploughed the field like Job and rent his garments?  His devotion is unquestionable and several times a game he will deliver his gift not to the flesh, but to the heavens.

Ye of little faith, the return of Nathaniel, the son of man, is nigh and we hope he does clear out the temple.

About Dave Latham

Dave Latham has recently finished a history thesis on class and Australian Rules football in Melbourne between the years 1870 and 1920.


  1. As you sow so shall you reap.

  2. Danielle says

    i can’t stand Robert Walls!!!
    Never seen someone so ANTI-JACK ANTHONY
    Jack wasn’t having a good game and he was bagging him the whole time!
    Atleast he was TRYING!
    Then when he got benched, Walls made an announcement
    “Anthony has been benched” or something like that.
    you can bet i didn’t hold back, he wasn’t called anything nice that’s for sure.


  3. Dave Nadel says

    Didn’t Leunig once draw a cartoon titled “The Adoration of the Magpie”? I’m sure that has some relevance to your revelation, David.

  4. Dave Latham says

    Haven’t seen that one Dave, but I wouldn’t mind seeing an “Adoration of the Magi”, in homage to Leon, but that might look a little facetious at this stage.

  5. Was chasing the exact wording of a comment Mick made at a presser many years ago, something like: “The bible says the meek shall inherit the Earth…. but they sure as hell won’t win a football game.”

    This post was the #1 Google search return. Close, but no cigar.

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