The Pre-Wrap: You know it makes sense



What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  Had an email from the far Off Furneaux Islands after Lycra Boy copped a blast from Cadell Heads.  Our correspondent thought it was disgusting how every one was treating Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tours de France races on drugs.  “When I was on drugs I couldn’t even find my bike”.  We know what you mean Old Son.  We know what you mean.

And what about those Melrose Drive Choirboys?  Fairy floss wouldn’t melt in their mouths would it?  Haven’t they’ve made the anti-doping authority look like a bunch of dopes?  They’d jacked up a defence, no doubt constructed by Sir Frank Downright and the legal buffons around at Downright Lie & Procrastinate, that the serial injection of elk horn extract and pickled yabby pituitary glands was a ‘no fault’ medial procedure.  The NRL CEO, Dave Smith, even put the matter before the Western Bulldogs’ Full Forward, such was the level of ire.  Thankfully, it has been ruled that to treat the delinquents of both codes separately would be un-Australian, and that justice will not only be done, but will seem to be done.  And done in equal measures.  But really, what a pity; just when they were sitting astride the Premiership Table after two matches of Round I too.

The real interest in this shabby fandango is who gets the votes for the Fevola Medal?  Did Essendon act alone in setting up this interpretation of ‘medical procedures’, or was the ‘option’ slipped under the door in a brown envelope?  An envelope with an Appalling Football League watermark?  (Are you saying the Ayatollah moves in mysterious ways Warp? – Ed)

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be the gun after Round I.

The Free Settlers v The Choir Boys.  The Bombers answered their critics in the most emphatic manner – with an impressive win over Finals’ Contender Adelaide in the shadows of Mt Lofty.  They looked gone for all money halfway through the Opening Stanza when they were zip – 22, with The Chardonnays peppering the goals.  They steadied, pulled ahead at the halfway mark, withstood the inevitable Adelaide challenge before storming home for a 35 point win in front of a Silenced Adelaide Mob.  Relieved of an immediate investigation of their dubious fitness regime by the Ayatollah’s blessing, they have gone someway to restoring the hopes of the Whingy Hill Faithful.  That the whole thing is a very bad dream.  But does the result say as much about The Pride of South Australia as it does about The Puckle Street Peptides?  On last night’s performance, they’d be champing at the bit out at Alberton.  Showdown XXXIII cant’ come around quick enough.  Maybe Big Carl has left a bigger hole in their attack than they bargained for.  (Did you mean to say that Wrap – bargained for?  – Ed)  They would have inked in the Four Points and a healthy percentage boost.  Instead they’re still not on the board and have to make up six majors before they get themselves into the black for 2013.  Maybe they should read their Mission Statement again .

And we’re known as the Adelaide Crows

We’re courageous, stronger, faster

And respected by our foes.

They certainly appeared to take their opponent of the night lightly after gaining an early break.  They’ll need to revise that attitude before their trip to The Gabbatoir when they meet The Voss Army under the palms in the gathering tropical gloom.

The High Flying Eddie Eagles v The Barry Crockers.  This was a classic Derby.  All the thrills & spills of the fare.  The Eddies went into the fray as more than warmish favourites, only to be well & truly plucked by The Interlopers.  Make no mistake, this was not only a Famous Victory for The Stevedores in terms of Crosstown Rivalry, it was an important win in the context of Season 2013.  Not only are The Dockers on the board, they’re on the map.  For the vanquished it was not a happy occasion.  They had only just regained Mark La Cras, now he’s out with a broken leg.  They’re saying four weeks, but you can bet on more than that.  They were in the contest for a good part of the game, but overall it was The Dangerous Dockers that Students of The Game & Punters were putting the red circle around.  After Easter they head off to Simonds Stadium for a Saturday night encounter with The Moggies.  The Weagles stay at home to welcome those other high fliers- The Human Hamstrings.

That was for those who came in late.  Now for what’s to come.

Carlton v Richmond – tonight at The People’s Ground.  This is what we’ve been waiting for: Traditional Rivalry.  We know Jeff Kennett – and he’s not alone in his thinking out at Waverly – would have an opening round of Hawthorn playing Hawthorn ad infinitum, but with a full house expected tonight, we’ll have to wait a while for Jeff’s hallucination to materialize.  The Miseries made the GAS Cup Final and looked super confident under the new leadership shingle of Malthouse & Murphy.  However, they were exposed by The Boys From Old Fitzroy and must go into this one feeling a bit deflated.  The Tiges last shot in anger was a GAS Cup supplementary game against The Doggies.  They won it, but The Long Suffering Punt Road Faithful at Visy Park, your correspondent amongst them, were far from impressed.  With the indifferent form of the protagonists to go on, we’ll run with The Tigers on this one.  True, the Bluebagger attack look capable of outscoring their Richmond counterparts, with Judd & the Hon. Edward G Betts the standouts in attack.  The midfields are even but Dusty Martin’s ready for his breakout year, and we’ve a hunch the rest of them are too.  It’s The Tigers from us here in the Wrapcave.

The Western Yap Yaps v The Maroons at Ethelred Stadium on Easter Saturday arvo.  On form you’d have to go with The Visitors in this one.  The Doggies are rebuilding and haven’t even got the building permit approved yet.  SOTG & Punters will be watching The Lions to estimate their progress since 2012.  They took a couple of big scalps last season up at The Gabbatoir and their win down here against the Blues was full of merit.  We’re thinking that maybe they’re going to have a good season.  The Bad News Bears to show they’re BIT.

The Jolly Orange Giants v The Vaucluse Lawn Tennis & Croquet Club.  The Reigning Premiers v The Reigning Wooden Spooners.  What a mouth watering opener for the Appalling Football League up there in The Harbour City.  Are you kidding?  Steak & Kidney in a canter.  It starts at 16.40 on Saturday if anyone’s interested.

The Metermaids v The Feeling Faints up at Wally World in the gathering gloom.  Look, if The Eel Race Road Seagulls can’t walk away with this one comfortably they’re in for a poor season.  St Kilda

The Fuchsias v The Power From Port, on The Paddock That Grew for an early start on Sunday.  We’re tipping a turnaround year for The Tealers this season, and we’ll start by tipping them to run over the top of The Redlegs.  It’s been a worrying off-season for The Dees, and we’re not convinced they’ve ironed out their problems either on or off the field.  The Power.

The Shinboners v Carringbush under cover at twilight on the Sunday.  The Boners have been thereabouts for a number of years now, under the Junkyard Dog and now Bradley Scott.  You’d have to believe the hierarchy at the Gasometer Oval would be well aware that to move up The Ladder they’re going to have to start beating those sides above them.  Collingwood is one such side, which presents The Northerners with a great opportunity to demonstrate that they’ve taken the next step.  The Maggies on the other hand are just as keen to show the Football Public that they’ve purged themselves of what has ailed them over the last two seasons and are now cleansed and revitalized under Coach Figjam and President All Things To All People.  Both sides chose to use the GAS Cup to trial and settle their team for the real competition.  It’s going to be a cracker of a match.  There’s no love lost between these two.  We’d love to see The Roos hop off to a good start to the season, but The Pies look to be oven fresh for this one.  Carringbush.

The Mayblooms v The Handbags, on The Big Stage for a 15.15 start on the Monday.  Let’s not beat about the bush here.  We know it’s only four points out of the 88 available for the whole season, but if The Hawks can’t roll Geelong on Monday they’re never going to roll them.  True, they’ve lost Suckling and Hodgie won’t pass muster, but they’ve got just about everyone else.  And as good as The Pussies are, they’re that bit older and no Stevie J.  Then there’s the shadow over the fitness of Footscray turncoat Brian Lake & wunderkind Mark Blicavs.  Buddy’s even got a new kicking boot.  I tell you what; if they can’t beat Geelong on Monday they should be burning more than autumn leaves out in the Leafy East.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

Let me leave you with the wisdom of Voltaire & Robert Frost.

Paper money eventually returns to its intrinsic value.

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Earl O'Neill says

    That Frost quote is great!

  2. John Butler says


    Blues v Tiges and an opening Wrap. Now it really feels like footy season has begun.

    Well done by your lads, though you almost let us nick it (again).

    It goes on, indeed.

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