The Pre-Wrap Round XI

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For the Philosophical Marngrook Follower

Ciad Mile Failte.  What a week it’s been in Football Eddie.  There’s been a bit of mail on Essendon this week.  One came with an East Gippsland Mail Centre postmark from the close-knit community of Briagolong to be precise.  It contained a CBA (That’s Cost Benefit Analysis and not the Commonwealth Bank of Australia  – Ed) of the outgoings at Melrose Drive.  In the missive, Disenchanted Don points out that there’s actually been quite a bit of outgoings with very little to show for it.  If we accept Disgruntled’s calculations, which run something like –

$2m AFL fine for pharmaceutical stuff-up

$1m Robson breach of contract

$1m Weapon breach of contract

$1m sabbatical for Posh & Becks in the South of France

$2m (est.) legal fees for all the above plus appeal(s)

$1m coaching fees for 2015

That’s in the order of $8m for four wins @ $2m a win.  All a bit of fun, but while Disgruntled wasn’t leaning over the players’ race presenting this case last weekend, he certainly expresses the same smouldering umbrage.  (Smouldering is normally a word associated with ruin Wrap.  You trying to tell us something? – Ed)

More worrying is the letter in last Monday’s Sage.  The one from Henry Wallis of Highlands.  In the past few weeks (or more probably years as I’m a Bomber fan), I seem to have lost something I had long held dear.  I can’t define what it is but I always carried it with me.  I didn’t leave it anywhere, as I wasn’t able to put it down.  So what has happened to it?  The answers are still not clear to me.  So, this is a call for assistance to anyone who still has theirs and could lend it to me.  A group of unruly and otherwise irrelevant ex-footballers seem to have run off with my relationship with a game I remember loving.  Surely not all of them HW, but you make a strong point.  Of course you don’t have to watch The Footy Show Henry.  (I think you’ll find Henry was casting his net further than Sam & Co Wrap.  It would certainly have fallen on the plethora of talking heads, several of them closely shaved, on the little screen.  Both free-to-air and paid TV – Ed)

What’s in a name?  Try Bonecrusher.  From the time he crossed The Ditch he did just that.   And weren’t they heady Australasian days?  When we waited for the next Big Red Brute to land on our shores under the cover of the Footy Finals to raid our purses & trophies and steal our hearts.  Since 1882 there’s been 40 Kiwi chaffburners – from Carbine & Phar Lap through Rising Fast & Think Big – that have won Melbourne Cups.  Now all we get is celebrity owners & cunning trainers shipping hopefuls & smokies into Melbourne to raid our premier racing events.  The question deserves to be asked: are we subsidizing a carnival that didn’t need all this bolstering?  (The cultural cringe is alive & well – Ed)  And the Inter Dominion, you wouldn’t know if it’s still going for all we hear about it now.

While we’re talking about the Sport of Kings & Touts, how shattering is the news that you can find more cobalt in an Australian racehorses than on a Van Gogh palette?  Not surprising at all?  So be it.  In which case you’d probably subscribe to the feeling we didn’t get the full story on that Japanese neddy that dropped dead from a heart attack after hitting the wall in last year’s Melbourne Cup.  (And played up something shocking before being loaded into the barrier stalls.  A case of Admire the Rakti but suspect the connections? – Ed)  Now it’s you that’s going all Grassy Knoll, Ed.

The Boomer Harvey flick pass?  Gamesmen ship or cheating?  Of course it’s cheating.  It’s staging for an advantage from the Umpires.  Theatre?  As handy bit of legerdemain as you’d see walking up Swanson Street from Fed Square to the Bourke Street Mall on a Pleasant Sunday Afternoon.  Did it cost anyone a Grand Final?  Not this time, although it did when Wayne Harms collected the ball over the boundary line and kept playing as if it was still in play.  (that was gamesmanship – Ed)  Admirable?  Victorians loved it.  Memorable?  They’ll certainly be remembering it at Maggot Central and over where the Sand Dunes run into the Indian Ocean.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who’s going to be in Seventh Heaven after Round XI.

The Tealers v The Pivotonians on TPAO tonight.  Are The Power still only thereabouts?  Or are they BIT?  They belted The Fuchsias up in the Shadows of Anzac Hill and won comfortably against The Tricolours under cover last weekend, but before that they’ve been hot & cold, which suggests they may lack depth.  They’d lost two, won three then lost three before winning two more.  They’re getting back to full strength and this could be their Season Defining Match.  (One way or the other – Ed)  The Moggies too have been hot and cold.  They’ve monstered a few, notably Essendon, Collingwood & Carlton, snuck in against Brissy & Richmond and copped some hidings from the Top Teams.  It’s a moment de la veritat for them as well.  Ladbrokes have The Homeside out at $1.50, which under the circumstances looks pretty juicy.  The Power From Port for ours, and although not without a degree of risk, you could cover the week’s meat bill with a smallish investment on The Wrap White Knuckle Adventure of The Round.

The Sunbeams v The Mauve Miasma on the Metricon for the early one on Saturday.  One of TLSPRF has a son living in the West.  He was on the wing amongst The Purple People last Friday night.  The lone yellow & Black Beanie in a seething sea of deep violet.  He phoned his Old Man with ten minutes to go to tell him, Dad, whatever happens, I just want you to know I love you.  Being On The Rebound will have nothing on the mood The Barry Crockers will be in when they walk across the tarmac at Sir Bruce Small Airport on Saturday morning.  The Metermaids are an untidy mess of a club at the moment and this is reflected in their on-field output.  It’s not pretty to watch and there seems no end in sight.  At least not against The Anchormen in a vile mood.  And with Tony & Joe not sure which way to jump about the budget deficit that has them frozen like bunnies in the spotlight, you could do worse than load up, tax-free, on The Purple Haze.  At $1.06 they’re the Wrap Safe as House Investment Opportunity of The Round.  Speak to your Caring Bagman and see if he’ll run you a price on Freo kicking more than 12 goals while you’re about it.

The Eddie Eagles v The Milquetoasts over there in the gathering gloom.  Are you kidding?  The Wedgies regain Darling & Ellis at the expense of McInnes & Nelson.  And they’re OTR at home.  OTR from the one that got away.  (It wasn’t a happy Monday morning around the water cooler over in The West this week – Ed)  The Marshmallows have brought in Skipper Watson to give them some on-field leadership and are blooding Edwards.  They’ve lost patience with Bellchambers & Dempsey.  Having said all that, when you look at whom the West Coast have beaten it’s a list of teams that haven’t done a heck of a lot this season.  GWS could be cited as an exception.  Pride should prevent another listless performance from The Dons, because if they don’t lift, the wind beneath the wings of their coach is going to have an icy edge to it.   We’re not too sure about The Homeside in this one, but they should be up to it.  West Coast.

The Shinboners v The Bloods on the Shifting Sands for the free-to-air broadcast on Saturday night.  The Norsemen were supreme last week, kicking into a muttonbird gale they defended, then extended their lead against West Coast.  Did it say more about West Coast than North?  We’ll find out on Saturday night.  They’re going in unchanged.  The Bloods are the same: unchanged.  We’ve gone with The Norsemen before, only to find they were paddling rubber duckies, not the fearsome long boats.  But there is one factor: their Locum Coach.  More than one Kangaroo player has praised Darren Crocker’s influence in the win; the softly spoken directive that they took with them in that –what could be – a season Defining Victory down on Blundstone Oval.  If they do get up in this one Coach Bradley may find that the knives in his back are not leftover scalpels from his spinal surgery but daggers with Made in Arden Street on the hilt.  As romantic as North’s Stand-in Coach turning their season around may be, The Lakers look too strong all over the ground.  The Swans’ biggest vulnerability probably their full forward line of Reid, Tippett & Goodes.  (A vulnerability to die for if it clicks – Ed)   If Hansen, Thompson & Mr. Potato Head can generate some re-bound from that situation they will improve their team’s changes.  Goldstein v Pyke will be interesting on two scores.  From their personal ruck contest that could go a long way to deciding the result, and from the perspective of their first loves: basketball & rugby.  Which is reflected in their mobility.  Both played on the North American Continent, albeit on either side of the 49th parallel.  South Melbourne for us, and at $1.48 they’ve got to be worth a good hard look.

The Mighty Magpies v The Orangemen at THOF for the early one on Sunday.  The Mighties have won seven games this year.  Who have they beaten?  The seven bottom teams.  Okay, so you’ve all been reading the papers and watching Foxtell.  Collingwood FC, your season starts now.  Because after you come back from the bye in a fortnight you have Freo away, Hawthorn, Port away & WCE under cover.  It’s another big 8-point game in a delicious round of 8-point games.  Carringbush didn’t impress last round.  The Drovers Dog would have beaten Melbourne last weekend, yet the Maggies had to win it three times to take home the Four Points.  The Leviathans are big, strong young men on a mission.  Cloke kicks straight once a season.  He’s already played his contract renewal match.  It’s going to be a high scorer, and Jamie Elliot will create some mayhem, but it’s The Goliaths for us here in the Wrapcave.  And that’s right, at $2.40 they’re the Wrap Roughie of The Round.

The Feeling Faints v The Redlegs under cover in the gathering gloom of a Winter Sunday.  The Sainters have been building for this one.   They’ve dropped three, including Adam Schneider, and brought Goddard in for his debut.  No, Nurelle, Brendan still plays for Essendon; this is a different Goddard.  The Fuchsias have lost Garland, VandenBerg and omitted Newton & M. Jones.  Look, The Dees deserve a bit of a bunk-up, but they’re going to have to earn it.  How would you describe last week’s effort?  Lame?  Irresponsible?  Lamentable?  Probably all three.  And that’s just the Coach’s post match presser.  No amount of humiliation and blame shifting is going to change the attitude in the locker room in a week.  Sure, they’ll be patches of football that will be worthy of players being paid enough to buy a couple of houses in Joe Hockey’s Australia, but The Sainters are playing for The Jumper.  And at $1.80 they’re the Wrap Mortgage Buster of The Round.

Good tipping and even better punting.


Check out Ladbrokes prices for this round

Check out Ladbrokes prices for this round

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Well said on the Flying Syringes (what only $2M for Sir Frank Downright – is he discounting his fees?); racehorse poisoners (sorry trainers) and Bonecrusher (I backed Waverley Star – nuff said).
    As for Boomer Harvey – he does a better line in barefaced lying and deception than the Federal Treasurer. We have long memories over here on the Fatal Shore. There will be plenty of house bricks in the handbags if Boomer ever shows his face at Subi again.
    Did that gullible umpire get another gig this weekend, or is he handing out Greens how-to-vote cards?
    Loved your “muttonbird gale” line. Sounds like an original.
    Don’t you worry about the Wedgies this weekend, they are OTL and waiting for the Striped Marvels at THOF next weekend.

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