What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  Bury my heart at Victoria Park.  Talk about The Club That Ate Itself.  You could write a play about it.  (It’s been done Wrap – Ed)  But surely we’ve all seen this coming?  The stabled ox looks longingly at the fallow field.

And while we’ve got you there Mick, the 2011 GF was lost at that crucial moment when your team, predictably following instructions, tried to sneak the ball out of defence along the boundary and Geelong boxed you in on the members flank at the City End.  They applied the pressure, and through sheer body strength and ball handling skills got the ball out for a goal.  That clawed back goal was the turning point, not Tarrant’s defensive error.  And yes, the resultant free from which was a bit technical.  Are you trying to tell us that one spilt pail breached the floodgates?  Sure Jimmy Bartell nailed the major.  Not a bad effort from out where the painted lines meet up.  And it was right over the top of the goal umpire’s hat, if you don’t mind.  No Mickey m’boy, it was the game plan that was at fault.  Against a team with Geelong’s disciplined, experienced and sure ball handlers it was always going to be a high-risk strategy playing via The Cape.  Especially since you’d been unrolling it for more than a decade.  Didn’t you send someone down to Kardinia Park to see what drills they’d been practicing all September?  But you gave the game away with the tears after falling in against The Hawks in the Preliminary Final.  In your heart of hearts you knew you’re battle-weary troops wouldn’t be able to withstand The Handbags’ pressure game.  It would only be fair to say that Mick, you’re the Club House Leader in the inaugural Krudd Medal for delusional excellence.



Come Back & Bite You On The Bum Department.  Two names are synonymous with Hawthorn – Kennedy & Tuck.  Josh Kennedy is laying them in the aisles wearing the Red&White of South Melbourne and Shane Tuck is a Favourite Son at Tigerland, consistently high amongst the hardball gets.  Is that’s why they call it The Family Club?

While were talking about the Red&Whites, let’s not waste any sympathy on Mr Adam Goodes.  He’s been playing rough – some less generous commentators may even call it dirty – for as long as we can remember.  There are even those of a less kindly nature who would say he shouldn’t have received his 2nd Brownlow.  We wouldn’t be so unkind of course, but they’re out there.

Olympic Coates is kidding himself if he expects the Western Bulldog’s full forward to drop out of important matches against The Kangaroos, The Tigers and The Bye just to hobnob with a bunch of self-promoting sporting potentates with their snout and both trotters deeply imbedded in the trough.  Credit where credit’s due: Go Julia.

Never ones to be backward in coming forward, the appalling Football League has charged ahead of the pack this time.  With Julia, Wayne & Bill calling for restraint, The Great Helmsman has upped the cost of fielding a team on items from bootlace presentation licenses to breathing the same air as any recognized AFL official.  And as the Conglomerate grows, there is any number of those.  With their own media department slated to be in full swing come the next round of broadcast licenses and the competition so weakened at the bottom half, just watch the cash dependent clubs swing into line behind the Great Helmsman’s next Five Year Plan.  And guess who’s going to underwrite all this?  That’s right Nurelle, same as always: The Mug Punter & The Long Suffering Faithful.



Go you Aussie Good Things – Put a Gap In ‘em.  Let’s hear it for the Baggy Greens.  What a resounding Victory – in every sense of the word!  Backs to the wall, Pup & The Boys fought their way out of the corner and took the initiative.  Make no mistake; this was a Famous Victory on the road against a Traditional Foe, albeit in rebuilding stage, who had the upper hand.  Once more the Australian tail saved the day – with both the leather & the willow.  Are we ready for The Olde Enemy?  The next few weeks should tell.  And aren’t you getting to like that other Mickey: Mickey Arthur?



But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to open the door in Round IV.

The  Feeling  Faints  v  The  Barry  Crocker  to  open  proceedings  under  cover.    This  is  a  real  tough  one.    Never  mind  the  Ross  Lyon  factor,  this  is  about  two  teams  making  their  mark  on  2012.    Evenly  matched,  The  Sainters  went  down  to  Port  (12th)  in  the  season  opener  and  have  belted  a  couple  of  teams  not  travelling  too  well  –  the  experimental  team  from  Western  Sydney  (18th)  and  the  re-building  Western  Bulldogs  (15th).    The  Anchormen  have  held  out  TRP  by  less  than  a  straight  kick,  gone  down  to  Steak  &  Kidney  (3rd)  up  there  and  beat  Brissy  (14th)  in  Perth  by  five  goals.    The  Stevedores  seem  to  be  falling  away  in  performance  while  The  Saints  appear  to  be  settling  in  under  Coach  Watters.    A  lot  depends  on  Nat  Fyfe’s  shoulder.    He  played  a  blinder  against  The  Moggies  and  they’ve  looked  unimaginative  when  he’s  been  off  the  field.    Their  effort  last  week  was  dismal.    If  Big  Ben  McIvoy  can  limit  Laurie  Sandiland’s  influence  and  Fyfe  isn’t  100%  then  you’d  have  to  lean  towards  The  Homeside.    With  Lenny  Hayes  relishing  being  back  on  the  paddock  The  Bagmen  have  The  Visitors  out  at  $2.95,  which  is  pretty  juicy  if  you  want  to  get  the  weekend  off  to  a  nerve  wracking  start.    Based  solely  on  what  we’ve  been  told  about  The  Pav  letting  you  down  in  the  big  ones,  we’re  going  to  tip  The  Feeling  Faints,  but  not  without  a  healthy  dose  of  trepidation.    PS  –  if  those  bold  risk-savvy  punters  out  there  want  something  to  hang  their  hat  on  –  Mark  the  Fremantle  Melbourne  physio  reckons  The  Purple  Haze  could  be  a  bit  of  a  smoky  for  this  one.


The  Miseries  v  The  Marshmallows  on  The  Paddock  That  Grew  on  Saturday  Arvo.    What’s  not  much  on  the  palate  uncooked,  but  goes  down  a  treat  once  it’s  toasted?      You’re  not  wrong  Nurelle.    The  Bombers  have  been  living  on  death  row  for  three  weeks  now,  but  this  Saturday  not  even  a  governor’s  pardon  will  save  them.    They’re  for  the  chop  this  time.    The  Rattzbaggers  are  playing  Inspired  Footy  and  have  their  sights  set  on  nothing  short  of  Ultimate  Glory  this  season.    They’re  not  going  to  let  a  bunch  of  imposters  get  in  the  way  of  their  2012  strategy.    Apart  from  a  few  old  scores  to  settle,  they  have  the  firepower  up  forward,  the  defensive  skills  and  a  powerful  midfield  let  by  the  Kreuzer  Missile  and  the  Juddanaught.    As  good  as  Paddy  Ryder  and  Skipper  Watson  are,  they’re  only  two  against  All  The  Champions  They  Like  To  Send  Us.    By  the  end  of  the  day,  The  Gliders  will  Know  That  They’ve  Been  Playing  Against  The  Famous  Old  Dark  Blues.

The  Melbourne  Magpies  v  The  Adelaide  Magpies  in  the  rarefied  atmosphere  of  The  Folly.    Side  By  Side  We  Stick  Together  To  Uphold  The  Magpie  Name.    Conspiracy  theorists  will  have  it  that  Mick  has  sacrificed  his  reputation  and  media  career  in  order  to  consolidate  Fig  Jam’s  tenure  and  fire  up  his  ex-charges.    Not  too  sure  about  the  conspiracy,  but  all  the  rest  is  certainly  true.    You  watch,  you’ll  Hear  The  Barrackers  a  Shouting,  As  All  Good  Barrackers  Should  –  all  50,000  of  them.    This  will  be  the  biggest  show  of  Carringbush  solidarity  since  the  move  to  Swan  Street.    It  won’t  be  a  Cakewalk:  The  Power  will  give  them  a  fair  challenge.    But  they’ll  prevail,  and  all  Mickey’s  lost  sheep  will  come  home,  wagging  their  tales  behind  them.    The  Melbourne  Maggies  to  put  the  last  couple  of  weeks  behind  them.

The  Pride  of  South  Australia  v  The  Greater  Western  Sydney  Experiments  in  the  Adelaide  Saturday  twilight.  The  Crows  OTR;  are  you  kidding?    And  don’t  let  the  kiddies  watch.    With  the  Baying  Adelaide  Mob  in  full  cry,  it’s  likely  to  get  ugly  well  before  the  end.

The  Coasters  v  The  Mayblooms  over  there  on  Saturday  as  the  sun  sinks  slowly  into  the  Indian  Ocean.    Look,  to  be  honest,  either  side  could  win  this.    Both  are  blessed  with  powerful  key  forwards.    Both  have  thereabouts  defences.    The  Coasters,  you  would  have  to  say,  have  the  rucking  edge,  but  The  Hawkers  may  have  the  edge  when  the  ball  hits  the  ground.    Hodge  will  be  missed  in  the  GoldenBrown,  as  will  Embely  for  The  Hosts.    Ward  Rooney  has  it  like  the  baby  bear’s  porridge  –  not  too  hot  &  not  too  cold  –  perfect  Footy  Weather.    We’re  going  for  The  Visitors  in  this  one.    Why?    Apart  from  nothing  ventured,  nothing  gained,  we  just  think  they’re  travelling  better.    True,  The  Weagles  are  undefeated,  but  who  wouldn’t  be  if  you’d  been  served  up  The  Bulldogs  in  Round  I  followed  by  Melbourne  &  GWS?    With  the  Much  Maligned  Jordan  Lewis  having  his  best  season  ever  and  Sam  Mitchell  &  Burgoyne  killing  them,  we  reckon  they  can  nullify  the  influence  of  Nick  Nat  Nui  &  Cox.    Of  course  it  all  comes  down  to  the  Buddy  &  Rioli  Show  doesn’t  it?    If  they,  with  a  little  bit  of  help  from  Roughie  &  Ozzie  can  outscore  the  Kennedy  &  Lynch  Show  it  will  go  a  long  way  to  securing  the  Four  Points.

The  Lions  v  The  Metermaids  at  The  Gabbatoir  on  Saturday  night.    Big  Bad  Jonathon  Brown  v  Campbell  Brown  &  Kahu  Mahanga  Karmichael  Hunt  is  what  Our  Great  Game  is  all  about.    This  will  be  one  for  the  ages.    And  with  no  Simon  Black  to  run  with  The  Little  Master  it  may  just  be  The  Sunnies  1st  win  for  2012.    Leuenberger’s  out  too  remember.    Golly  Josh  Fraser  will  be  all  the  better  for  the  run  last  week,  and  although  he  doesn’t  do  much,  he  just  has  to  do  it  near  goals.    And  Swallow  and  Matera  continue  to  impress.    With  The  Bagmen  making  it  attractive  at  $2.75,  they’re  The  Wrap  Roughie  of  The  Round.

The  Greatest  Team  of  All  v  The  Endangered  Species  down  at  Kardinia  Park  for  the  early  one  on  Sunday.    This  will  tell  The  Tigers  how  far  they’ve  come  this  season.    They  monstered  The  Fuchsias  last  week,  but  really  only  played  one  quarter  of  Football.    Alex  Rance  is  having  a  breakout  season  and  his  contests  with  The  jPod  will  be  worth  the  train  fare  down  to  Corio  Oval  on  The  Flyer.    Lids  Deledio,  Tyrone  Vickery  and  Dusty  Martin  have  been  put  on  notice  and  you  can  expect  more  input  from  all  three.    The  Tiges  beat  The  Geelong  Falcons  in  the  Give  More  Take  Less  Cup,  and  will  run  out  onto  the  ground  with  a  reasonable  amount  of  Self  Belief.    The  Roos  hopped  into  The  Cats  when  they  caught  them  napping  last  round,  however,  The  Handbags,  running  up  their  Premiership  Pennant  and  OTR  will  be  an  entirely  different  kettle  of  fish.    An  added  incentive  for  the  Pussies  would  be  the  need  to  show  they  can  beat  those  sides  above  them.    The  Tigers  will  give  a  good  account  of  themselves,  and  are  certainly  better  than  Centrebet’s  flamboyant,  even  offensive,  $5.25.    We’ll  be  prising  opening  the  housekeeping  purse  and  sneaking  out  half  a  crown  to  slip  on  The  Tiges  at  that,  but  for  the  canteen  tipping  we’ll  be  doing  the  sums.    The  Pivotonians.

South  Melbourne  v  North  Melbourne  at  The  Other  Cricket  Ground  on  Sunday  arvo.    Crikey,  they’re  getting  tough  now,  eh?    Both  teams  travelling  well.    The  Kangas  are  coming  off  a  Famous  Victory,  Sydney  just  did  enough  last  week  to  hold  off  Port  Adelaide  over  there.    The  sentiment  is  with  The  Homeside;  The  Bagmen  have  them  in  to  $1.78,  with  The  Roos  out  at  $2.02.    I  don’t  know  Nurelle;  it  must  be  the  GST.    Anyway,  it’s  hard  to  see  why  The  Kangas  are  better  than  even  money.    Unfashionable?    Yes.    Underrated?      Most  assuredly.    With  Toddy  Goldstein  in  Brownlow  form  and  Hamish  McIntosh  playing  off  the  bench,  they’ll  nullify  any  drive  Mumford  would  have  given  The  Swans.    Their  defence  is  experienced,  their  midfield  nearing  all-star  status  and  a  lively,  ever-dangerous  attack  build  around  Petrie  &  Edwards,  it’s  hard  to  go  past  The  Shinboners  in  this  one.    The  Bloods  will  throw  everything  at  them,  but  without  Slider  Goodes,  and  no  disrespect  is  intended  here,  they’re  not  the  same  side.    The  Gasometer  to  rock  for  the  3rd  successive  week.

The  Fuchsias  v  The  Kennel  Coughs  at  THOF  to  close  off  Round  IV.    You’ve  got  a  point  there  Nurelle.    These  round-closing  twilight  matches  are  hard  to  pick  aren’t  they?    There  always  seems  to  be  a  twist  in  the  tail.    At  first  blush  you’d  have  to  go  for  The  Doggies.    They  haven’t  been  all  that  bad  and  with  Cooney  back,  albeit  a  compromised  Cooney,  they’ve  shown  some  semblance  of  Football  ability.    The  Dees  on  the  other  hand  have  been  battling  to  find  a  pulse,  let  alone  a  True  Beating  Heart.    Can  they  find  one  and  throw  the  monkey  off  their  back?    We  all  know  that  individually  they  can  play  the  game.    And  at  times,  when  inspired,  this  same  outfit,  minus  the  turncoat  Scully,  have  honoured  The  Grand  Olde  Flag,  but  punters  will  have  to  make  the  call  in  the  here  and  now.    We  saw  them  last  week  against  The  Tiges.    They  slugged  it  out  in  three  of  the  four  quarters,  but  once  they  dropped  their  heads  in  the  Championship  Quarter  Richmond  were  all  over  them  like  a  bad  suit.    That  suggests  an  absence  of  on-field  leadership.    It  may  also  have  something  to  do  with  an  injury  list  as  long  as  a  Dennis  Lillie  run-up.    Check  it  out.    Brent  Moloney  –  Lucas  Cook-  James  Strauss  –Liam  Jurrah  –  Col  Sylvia  –  Rory  Taggert  –  Jordon  Gysberts  –  Brad  Green  –  Michael  Evans  –  Neville  Jetta  –  &  Max  Gawn.    While  there’s  not  a  lot  of  household  names  on  the  list,  it  makes  you  wonder  how  The  Scorpions  can  field  a  side,  let  alone  The  Redlegs.    It  has  to  be  The  Yap  Yaps.

Good  tipping  and  even  better  punting.

And  remember,  if  you  read  it  in  the  Wrap  you’ll  know  it’s  not  crap.



About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Vickery has been very disappointing thus far this season Wrapster.

    I think this matter has been clearly articulated to him by the selectors: they have brought back young Gus to bulster the big boy department.

    Do you reckon that will shake him up?

  2. There’s been a few passengers Phanto. On our day we could give your lads a run fir their money. This is a big test for the Young Tigers. Always hopeful, but not overly confident that they’re ready yet. We’re not playing Melbourne this week.

  3. I am not overly confident Wrapster.

    I have even taken the step of having an IT nerd I know develop a program that will destroy the hard drive of any computer or mobile phone memory card if they contact any of my mediums that have been infected with a sequence of numbers where those following the letters R – i – c – h are larger in sum than those relating to the letters G – e – e – l, post match.

    Should this happen I will retire to the solace of the cave and roll a large rock over the entrance to keep lingering Tigers away.

  4. It is safer to look into the eyes of 10 Tigers than the eyes of the Angry Phantom – old jungle saying.

    The choice is yours Phanto – the cave bear or the rampaging Tiger outside.

    The Tiggers are a bit upbeat on this one. I was hoping they’d learn the ir lesson against Carlton, but then Geelong aren’t Carlton.

  5. Don’t the Tigers know I retired last year?

    (And thanks for calling 46 “young” Phantom. Made my day).

  6. Wrapster,

    I think I had better take the Tigers. Those Japanese bears on last night’s news sounded very scary.


  7. It was nearly a Famous Victory. But why spoil your Pennant Raising Phanto? We’re like that down at Tigerland.

  8. While I’ve got you there Phanto – gus is not your Tiger Tragic Bruvver by any chance is he?

  9. No,

    that would be Gnarley.

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