The Pre-Wrap – Round 9



What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  Did anyone catch the Ayatollah in Footy Classified ‘Hot Seat’ this week?  He would have beaten Denis Hart on a break the way he stared down the barrel of the camera and told it his way.  No Nurelle, you’re thinking of Royce.  But you’ve got a point there; the way Supreme Leader just drifted across the front of the question and plucked it out of the air – beautiful to watch.  He even out marked Kero ‘Tiger’ Wilson, and you have to agree it takes some doing to out bustle The Sage’s Tenacious Senior Football Journalist.  The saddest thing about the momentous occasion was that we learnt nothing we didn’t already know.  Crikey, even KRudd can do a backflip change his mind.

And isn’t it a crying shame Tricky Nicky’s not involved in The Game any more?  His performance this week would have launched a serious bid for the Fevola Medal. 

In Trent Cotchin, are we seeing the modern face of Football?  I love Footy, and I love how it challenges you in some way, every single day.  …… But I’m looking forward to it being over as well.  I reckon if we win a Premiership in the next three years I’d pretty much be done.  From memory Johnny Famechon had the same attitude – loved to climb through the ropes, but hated training.  TLSPRF will be hoping Trent turns out as good as Jean-Piere.  BTW, his career spanned 23 years.

Kill the Christmas goose!  Travis has worked out why he can’t hit a barndoor with a bucket of wheat at 10 paces.  It’s his finger that’s causing him to Richo so many easy shots.  (Maybe he should extract it – Ed)

New mind the breaking news out at Melrose Drive – their CEO falling on his sword.  There’s a bigger question that has to be asked – and as you will have noticed Over The Journey, here in the Wrapcave we’re not afraid to ask them.  Is he the sacrificial lamb or the first of the dominoes?  The word on the street – if that street happens to be Puckle Street – is that he’s the sacrificial lamb.  Or should that be goat?  And that he’s not going to the altar alone.  Although they insist Bambi is safe.

Not sure that Ian Robson had the benefit of legal advice on this one.  (You’re not saying Sir Frank Downright and his team from Downright Lie & Procrastinate were out to lunch at the crucial time are you Wrap? – Ed)  You could be excused for thinking the words he chose were a little bit incriminating.  We let down our players and their families.  How seriously we let them down is still a matter under investigation.


The Ayatollah has been super busy this week.  Some SOTG are even cynically suggesting he’s putting in for a cost of living allowance plus a 10% productivity bonus in this year’s Appalling Football League budget.  Maybe he’s thinking of putting in for George Pell’s job and just building up some profile.  Cop these words from the Great Helmsman.  There’s no doubt the [fans] want their trust restored in the faith of The Game.  They don’t like super arms, the pharmacological war.  They don’t like hearing about tanking.  They don’t like hearing about the Adelaide Football Club and what happened with Kurt Tippett.  They don’t like things that almost tinker with their trust in The Game.  Do you mean things like incomprehensible umpiring, paying the world’s highest prices for food & beverages, rule changes – like capping interchanges – to determine how The Game is played, being bobarded with gambling advertising on the screens and at the grounds, having inane PA events going on at ground during every spare moment, and like the total shemozzle of the score review panel & process.  And just while we’ve got you there Supreme Ruler, we don’t give a rat’s toss bag about tanking.  It’s part of The Game and has been going on since Tommy Wills was a boy.

Enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be feelin’ fine after Round IX.

The Woodsmen v The Emerald Hillers, to raise the curtain on Round IX, and where else but the Home of Football.   The Mighties dug deep last week after The Cats looked to have their measure.  It was a Famous Victory.  Maybe even a Season Defining Win.  Can they find the GAD once again?  Actually, The Lakers haven’t been travelling all that well lately.  The Hawkers extracted a sizable revenge, and The Barry Crockers came back from the dead to snatch a draw against them last week.  They’ll be smarting from that, however, On The Rebound may not come that easily.  Over recent years The Four & Twenties have had their measure.  The Maggies’ small forwards are running riot, and hey, isn’t that Andrew Krakouer a sheer delight to watch?  Darren Jolly has been looking a bit battle weary lately and they’ve kept Witts in there just in case he breaks down.  Big Mummy will be doing everything in his power to make sure he does.  And you can never sell The Bloods’ on-ballers short.  But without BRT they look a big man short.  The Bookies have put out some old fashioned value in this one.  (Something to do with the increase in competition since Tom Waterhouse started advertising – Ed)  They have Carringbush at $1.55, and with the Monochrome Army behind them, and a bag full of GAD we reckon, up against TRP, they have that about right.

The Power From Port v The Handbags in the Shadows of Mt Lofty to open Saturday’s segment of Round IX.  The Moggies won’t be too chuffed about their performance last week.  It wasn’t as though they went down in a tight one.  After blitzing The Maggies in the Championship Quarter they would have expected to bank another of their nine lives go on with the job.  Not only did they not secure the Four Points, they fell in a screaming heap.  Big test for them, and for their opponents coming up.  The Power were travelling pretty well until they slipped up.  Their recent three consecutive losses have been against sides that are thereabouts.  The Cats are a cut above that. And they have Stevie J back.  The Bagmen have them at $1.14, and with the US Treasury turning off the printing presses, that might be the best deal going around.  The Pivotonians OTR.

The Breakfast Creek Experiments v The Screaming Eagles up at Skoda Stadium at the traditional time.  Another Danger Game for the Weagles.  In fact their season has lurched from one Danger Games to another, but they should be able to win tomorrow.  The Bagmen have The Visitors at $1.01.  C’mon Boys; The Eddie Eagles aren’t that good, and they’ve been on the Indian Pacific for two days, plus another half day to get through the Parramatta Road gridlock in the team bus to get there.  You’ll have to do better than that for us to pick up the phone.  You can get better than that with a Bendigo Community Bank scholl passbook account.

The Eel Race Road Seagulls v The Western Chihuahuas under cover in the gathering gloom of Saturday evening.  TLSJOF would have been uplifted by their win over The Miseries the other Monday, and they should be able to take care of The Sons of The West.  And won’t those Saint Kilda Mums be happy to see Lenny Hayes back on the paddock in the old Imperial Colours of Red White & Black?  Not that The Doggies are a pushover or anything.  But they seem to be having a bit of trouble translating the training track onto the Battle Field.  Your Caring Investment Advisors have them at $1.18, which is some of the best advice they’re handed out since they said to grab as much of Telstra as you can while they’re down.

The Wasps v The Same Olds in the Dreamtime Game.  Get there early for this one.  It’s going to be a lockout, and the pre-match entertainment is worth the admission price.   The match is going to be a cracker too.  The Jungle Drums have been sounding louder than ever this season.  From the Deep Woods to the Tough Waterside Bars of Morristown they drum out the message – BIT … BIT … BIT.  That doesn’t mean they aren’t going to have their work cut out.  They blew a chance to pile on some juicy percentage last weekend against The Fuchsias.  Big Tyrone & Jumping Jack missed half a dozen shots between them; shots gun forwards, as Mrs Wrap is always telling us, are excepted to nail.  The Gliders, on the other hand, aren’t flying all that well.  Brissy hit ‘em hard and kept up the pressure.  They didn’t buckle, but they didn’t like it.  (Sounds a bit like Ian Redpath & the West Indies’ pace attack; he didn’t like it but he stood his ground – Ed)  The Endangered Species have brought back ex-Skipper Newman, The Mullet and ex-Bomber Lonergan to rack up one of those games against his old club to show them what they let go.  The Human Hamstrings have recalled a couple of handy goers in Jetta & Dempsey for the Dreamtime.  Look, we know we’re going to be accused of bias here, but there’s a lot about this Struggletown Outfit to like.  They have pace, class and are playing with increasing Self Belief.  Not that their opponents can’t boast the same, but there appears to be a few cracks starting to appear in the Peptides’ fuselage.  There were questions asked about some of the decisions from the bench last week by SOTG, and the ASADA Inquiry must be taking some sort of toll, and now the admission of maladministration from their CEO must have some of the Lads wondering what sort of time bombs they have running around in their system.  I’m saying that, at the end of the day, The Tiges have got more firepower, and with The Tribe behind them they’ll win this one pulling away.  Futhermore, at $2.08, in a round without much exciting value, The Striped Marvels are The Warp Roughie of The Round

The Pride v The Silvertails under the palms on Saturday night.  A tough one this.  Both sides are hard to read.  The Bluebaggers fell to St Kilda and got over Port by an unimpressive three snaggers on the Shifting Sands.  Brissy have only beaten Chopping Blocks Melbourne and Crosstown Rivals Gold Coast, the latter by a sneaky 2 roast joints.  Of course, you have to ask, did they catch The Marshmallows on an off day, or did they play the kind of Footy that ensured their opponents had an off day?  The Silvertails on the other hand have been thereabouts in all their matches.  We’re going to go for The Miseries because in the inclusion of Gibbs and the exclusion, through suspension, of Brisbane’s Merrett & Clarke.  Never mind the odds.  You wouldn’t back either of these with monopoly money.  As their Mentor is sure to recount, the Ox may move slowly, and will linger to graze on sweet meadows, but a cow pat is always a cow pat.  Think about it.  We are

The Mighty Fighting Hawks v The Metermaids to kick the dew off The G on Sunday.  Move along.  There’s nothing to see here.  The Leafblowers to send The Little Master & His Apprentices back to Wally World with their ears ringing.

The Shinboners v The Free Radicals on the Shifting Sands of Shocklands as the shadows lengthen and the evening chill sets in.  Another toughie.  Although, if The Shinboners had had a bit of luck it would seem to be a lay down misere.  (GTWTCO – Ed)  They’ve lost three games by less than a straight kick and only been blown away once.  (And they had that one in the bag at half time – Ed)  The Chardonnays, on the other hand, have been either an Old Gold or a boiled lolly all year.  We’re going for The Homeside in this one, but not with a lot of confidence.  You just never know with North Melbourne.  Not sure what they’ve done, but the Football Gods aren’t favouring them this season.

The Anchormen v The Retrograde Redlegs on Patersons Curse to close off the round.  The Dees made a fist of things last week, but only as the two teams crossed paths as they returned to their respective rooms at the Long Interval.  The Stevedores may be a bit weary after their heroics of last week up in the Harbour City, but they are a professional outfit and shouldn’t have any trouble greasing the rails under the Melbourne Football Department.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

Let’s journey across the Wide Pacific for today’s wisdom- to The Home of the Brave & The Land of The Free.  Ambrose Bierce & John Foster Dulles are our contributors.  One was a humourist, the other the opposite.  Can you guess which is which?

Peace is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.

This may have some resonance with those who dream of winning the lottery.

A man excitedly phones his wife from work.  “Darling I’ve won the Super Draw Jackpot!  Pack you bags”.

“Winter clothes or summer clothes?” the wife asks.

I don’t care; just don’t be there when I get home.

Boom!  Boom!  Now we can all get some sleep.

The Wrapcave will be closed for a few days during renovations.  Back after the Longweekend.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Cotchin reckons he will retire when the Tigers claim a flag?? Reckon he will be claiming the Age Pension first.
    I do agree with you about Johnny Famechon though – he was an artist in the ring. Your mention sparked my interest to find out where he is at these days. A heartwarming yarn:

  2. The Wrap says

    It sure is Mr B. Funny, it just came to me. That Johnny Famechon hated training. I saw him fight live once at Festival Hall – the old Dudley Street Stadium in West Melbourne. Those were the days, eh? Glued to the radio listening to the boxing on Friday night and the wrestling on Saturday night with Dirty Dick Raines & Cheif Little Wolf.

  3. The old Ambrose (Bierce not Palmer) had a nice turn of phrase. Politics: “a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.”

  4. The Wrap says

    A wordsmith of the first order, Our Ambrose.

    What’s happening with the Eddie Eagles Mr B? They don’t seem to be able to get off the ground in any serious way.

  5. Just foxing for a price, Mr W.
    Speaking of which – a Margaret River Cab Merlot to a Mornington Pinot on Monday week’s contest??? Its a public holiday over here – not sure about your June long weekend.

  6. The Wrap says

    We share the same Monarch over here in the East Mr B.

    How many goals are you giving me to compensate playing at Fortress Sooby?

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