The Pre Wrap for Round XXII: The Penultimate Round of the Home & Away Series for 2014

What a week it’s been in Football Eddie?  The biggest news this week would have to be the demise of Essendon Football Club as a front-page leader in the daily press.  Not even a paparazzi snap of Tania & The Choirboy.  Hallelujah to that.  And Rooting Roo wants to change the way Brownlow votes are allocated.  It’s already been changed from Fairest & Best, to best & fairest.  The Medal lost its meaning ages ago Wayne.  Before your time even.  Why we’re worried about someone being ruled ineligible just for being suspended is beyond us.  Especially in this day and age when you can be suspended for going in for the ball, or having your body in someone’s way.  Those suspended lose vote opportunities under suspension.  Surely that’s enough.  (Not what you’d call a big news week, eh Wrap? – Ed)

You know what Oh Gracious Garrotter of Garble, take any paragraph with the ellipsis ASADA, EFC & AFL out the news and there’s not a lot left. But as always, when the news slows down the thoughtful slip up a gear.  Let’s look at something that’s been a rolling maul all season: the dullness of some games.  There’s been discontent about just about everything this season, from inconvenient scheduling, gouging at the food & beverage outlets, but more to the point, about the way The Game itself was becoming slow and pack ridden, highlighted by the Richmond Sydney clash in Round XIV.  The solution’s pretty easy really, and we’re surprized Wayne Carey hasn’t thought of it already.  If we played for eight points – four for the win and one for each quarter, don’t you think that would add a new dimension to the Game?  (You’ve been sitting on that for a while haven’t you Wrap? – Ed)

We don’t normally enter into religions other than Football, but we can’t let this one go through to the keeper without having a carve at it.  Cardinal Pell has likened The One True Church to a trucking company.  Just how are you spelling that George?

But enough of my yackin’.  Let’s see who’s going to be feeling down and blue after Round XXII.

Port Adelaide v The Miseries, in the Shadows of Mt Lofty tonight.  The Power have hit the wall for 2014.  Westie & Big Jay have run out of steam, and the rest of them are looking a season too far.  But they’re still only a game off the Top Four.  With Freo in their sights and a full house behind them they should turn in a winning performance.  However, their opponents of the night have lifted their game to a new level of mediocrity recently.  They’ve won one, lost one over the last even weeks and are due to win one.  The Cats had to forfeit another of their allocated nine lives per season to overcome them last week.  Part of the reason has been the lift from Judd & Thomas.  They go into this one minus Thomas.  The Power From Port for us here in the Wrapcave.  But at $3.30 The Silvertails are worth a punt for those who are chasing their tails as the season draws to a close.  They are capable of winning now that the Thoughtful Ox has heeded the barking dogs and has gone to the river to drink.

North v Adelaide in the Shadows of Mt Wellington for the early kick-off on Saturday.  Boomer’s rush of blood is going to cost his side dearly.  He’s their Spiritual Leader and driving force.  They’re going to have to learn there’s life after Boomer at some stage and now’s as good a time to start as any.  But the loss of Wells, who has been in great form, is another matter.  They were hot & cold last weekend, but the Bullies can do that to you.  The Crows on the other hand were dominated for most of the night against The Tiges.  Richmond’s inaccuracy left the door ajar and in the Final Stanza The Chardonnays pushed it open and seemed to be heading for home.  That was before The Tigers produced the most savage 150 seconds of football they’ve played all year to wrest back the laurels.  The Shinboners will need to imbibe every last drop of the Magic Elixir if they’re going to win this one.  But with the added weight of every Punt Road Faithful in the land behind them they should pull it off.  But it is North Melbourne we’re talking about here.  Investment is not encouraged.

The Flying Syringes v The Sunbeams under cover at the traditional time.  It’s been No Heppell, No Essendon during Skipper Jobe’s absence, and now he’s gone and broken his hand.  However, Jobe’s back at the helm, and Carlisle and Fantasia are back on the team list.  Meanwhile, The Gold Coasters are minus The Little Master.  The Marshmallows to lock themselves into September by a quarter to five.

GWS v Carringbush somewhere up in the Western Wilderness of The Harbour City in the gathering gloom.  Not sure if there’s enough wives & girlfriends to make up a busload, and the Black&White Army has melted away in the heat of battle.  Any crowd over 10,000 will be a win for the marketing gurus at Jellymont House.  A sorry state of affairs down at The Yarra Falls End.  They’ve won two of their last nine matches.  The Bulldogs & The Lions have won twice that many in the same time, even Mick’s Miseries have won three.  Is it a tanking play by The Monochromes?  It’s not beyond the brains trust around there at the Westpac Centre.  But hey, let’s leave that to Gillon of The Overflow to sort out.  Up at Breakfast Point they’ve hit a streak of form and the youngsters will be keen to put in back-to-back performances.  They’ve lost their Skipper & the gun Patton, but The Pies medical room looks like a first aid tent at Villers-Bretonneux.  Penders is back in the trenches, which should turn the tide of battle a bit.  But fair dinkum, they were a rabble against The Maroons last week, and if The Leviathans can get in a few early punches this may turn into another KO.  Look, there’s nothing personal here, but we’re going for The Goliaths in this one.  And at $2.55 they’re The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

The Mayblooms v The Handbaggers on the Big Stage tomorrow night.  When has a team won 17 matches, lost only four and had a percentage of 112.8?  And sat second on The Ladder?  The answer is never.  This Geelong team is not really there.  It’s a mirage, an hallucination, an optical illusion, a delusion.  Surely.  Still no Stevie J, but Jimmy Bartel’s back, and Murdoch.  The Hawkers have swung the axe on the team that fell to Freo last Sunday night.  McEvoy has been given his wake-up call for September, likewise Schoenmakers, Duryea and O’Brien.  Brad Sewell adds grunt to the midfield, Roughies back chasing the Coleman, along with Spangher & Gelgar to bolster the defence and the midfield.  It’s going to take another life for The Catters to take this one, and we don’t reckon they can have too many more left.  They’ll need to save a couple for September, so we’re reckon they’re not going to waste one when they’ve got the Kennett Hoodoo up their sleeve.  And everyone out at Waverley knows that curse has been lifted.  That’s right Wrappers, we’re saying The Leafblowers are going to be roaring for this one.    And at $1.60, it’ll pay better than the banks.  And there’s less risk of having to pay it all back through the courts.

West Coast v Melbourne over on Paterson’s Curse tomorrow night.  At last; the Appalling Football League have finally sent someone over to The West that the Eagles have an even money chance of beating.  The Weagles.

The Bad News Bears v The Barry Crockers, up under the palms for the early one on Sunday.  Is this going to be The Boilover?  The Mauve Miasma, fresh from a Confidence Boosting Victory over The Mustard Pots in The West, have to take the longest road trip in the caper.  And they do so without their engine room generals Fyfe & Barlow.  Their opponents are playing some inspired Footy, especially since they haven’t had to rely on Big Bad Jonathon Brown.  But can they pull it off?  The Bagmen have them out at a generous $4.25, and there are some amongst the risk-taking fraternity who may be tempted to avail themselves of the apparent largess, and while a quiet schilling or three might find its way from the Wrapcave biscuit tin to the yawning cavern of Tommy Woodcock’s bag, our tip is that The Anchormen are setting themselves for September, and no blip will alter their course.  The Stevedores for us here in the Wraproom.

The Sons of The West v South Melbourne on the Shifting Sands of Docklands.   The Doggies have acquitted themselves admirably all season.  And may even boast the win that gifted Richmond Glorious Ninth.  But while admirably might count on a CWA cake baking accolade, or your grade 2 essay, it cuts no ice two weeks out from September.  The Bloods, and they’ll kick the Sweep.

The Striped Marvels v The Feeling Faints, on The Paddock That Grew to finish off The Penultimate Round of the 2014 Toyota Premiership Year.   The Endangered Species missed a golden opportunity to close the percentage gap between themselves and Adelaide last round.  They’ll be out to make amends against St Seaford.  Quite a few of TLSPRF will applaud the return of Aaron Edwards to the senior level.  Good to see The Sainters are blooding a couple of tyros – White & Pierce.  And at $1.10, Struggletown would have to be the Wrap Investment Opportunity of The Round.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap, you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Been on the singing syrup down at the Wrapcave this week? Don’t know that I got those Brownlow and 8 points concepts. Good to see you sobered up in time for your tips.
    Shades of JFK this weekend – “Ich bin ein Kangaroo”. Eagle and Tiger hearts beat as one for the brave blue and white stripes down in Arctic City. My enemy’s enemy is my friend.
    The Avenging Eagle and I face the impossible choice between Big Cox’s Subi farewell and our nephew in the Dandaragan Saints first semi at Moora on Saturday arvo? Blood is thicker than water? Or we need a return on our $60 a game Eagles membership? Dandy should make it to the prelim, but Coxy won’t be back on the home stage.
    Decisions. Decisions. Any tips?

  2. Skip of Skipton says

    Carlton in 1970 went 16-6 with 112%. Then they won the flag.

    After eight years at the top, the Cats have learned that percentage boosting wins still only get you four points, the same as narrow ones. Better to save energy and precious bodily fluids for September.

  3. A difficult one this Mr B. What’s the timing of both matches? Could you watch the nephews consolidation of a shot at the preliminary final and the end of Coxie’s home career in the same day? While blood is thicker than water, you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your relatives.

    Think about the eight point concept. It will make for some brutal Football. The Brownlow is only about the wives & girlfriends anyway.

  4. Good one Skip. We stand corrected. So you’re saying The Catters are right in there? And with history backing them up have every chance. It would certainly consolidate them Was The Greatest Team of All, eh?

  5. Rushed back to me office to read the Wrap’s pre-wrap, wrap.

    The Hawks and Cats will be level with 20 seconds to go. Selwood will get a very soft free kick 30 out from goal and nail it. Hawks will squeal for a week. The more things change the more they stay the same.

  6. Will it be for a high tackle though Dips?

  7. And you couldn’t have been dining with Sir Frank Downright if ypou rushed back to your office Dips. There’s no rushing back from one of those lunches.

  8. Wrap – I hope to lunch with Sir Frank Downright again soon. He has enormous skills in that area.

    Yes the Selwood free kick will be for a high tackle, and as per usual the free will be there. But STILL they squeal.

  9. Skip of Skipton says

    I can see why you’re keen on that new points system, Mr.Wrap.

    Richmond would presently be in the Top 8.

  10. It does reward endeavour over the full 100 minutes, doesn’t it Skip?

    You have really have a capacity for those statistics. What was your current ladder based on the 8-point system?

  11. Skip of Skipton says

    Bombers dropped to ninth, Crows and Tigers up a spot. Hawks and Cats swap places, as do Dees and Giants down the bottom.

  12. Skip of Skipton says

    Eagles would be above Pies and Suns also. This is a much better points system.

  13. Thanks for that Skip. That must have taken a bit of work. It will be interesting to see how it pans out over the next two rounds.

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