THE PRE WRAP – ROUND XIII

FOR THE PHILOSOPHICAL MARNGROOK FAN

What a seven weeks it’s been in Footy Eddie.  Barcelona took the Championship Trophy at Wembley, driving the Northern Scum into the turf.  The Spanish dominance continued at Roland Garros when another Brit bit the dust as RRRRRaffallll dismembered Andy Murray.  Red Bull went from strength to strength in spite of Mark Webber and the Socceroos beat Serbia in a not so friendly.

But believe me, it’s good to be back on the Fatal Shore.  Mrs Wrap & I caught the Hawthorn Freo match on the way back as guests of the Bangkok Hawk.  There was more excitement in the final quarter of than the whole of the Barcelona/Man U title bout we were privileged to catch in a sports bar in Barcelona.  Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty of theatre, both on and off the field, and magnificent ball skills, but if you’re raised on Aussie Rules, nothing else fills the gap, eh?

Meanwhile, on the Lost Continent Geelong close in on Collingwood for premiership favouritism.  They’d be happy with their mid season report, surely.  They may have been lucky to win a couple of close ones against fancied opposition, but let’s never forget – GTWTCO.  The Pies are travelling nicely at one out and one back but The Hawkers have thrown three shoes already and the season’s only halfway to September/October.  The Blues make up the The Four and with big Kreuzer back on the teamsheet they are looking the quiet achievers (You sure you didn’t spend too much time out in the tropical sun without your toupee Wrap? – Ed)

In the bottom half of The Eight are Sydney, West Cost, Fremantle and Essendon.  The wings seem to have fallen off The Gliders (You predicted that didn’t you Wrap? – Ed) and The Barry Crockers are as enigmatic as ever.  The Coasters are the ones to watch and have a healthy percentage and a stack of home games to come.  They’re playing some inspired footy.  Their game against The Miseries at Docklands will tell us a lot about both Contenders.  Steak & Kidney keep piling up the points, and to prove their culture is enduring, they’re doing it without flair – just good solid workman-like football.

On current form, Essendon look the most likely to bomb out of the September/October Contention from this group.

The Feeling Faints have been a huge disappointment for TLSJOF.  The Culture Club started the season with a loss to The Moggies by the narrowest possible margin and a draw against The Tigers.  This seemed to set the tone for their season.  Flogging Flaky Freo over there is about all they’ve done of note – on the positive side of the ledger.  Being flogged by Essendon would have to be the biggest negative of their season plus a three point loss to Carlton.  Most of their remaining games are in Melbourne.  On the road they have Port, The Sunbeams & Sydney, at the Other Olympic Park.  They could turn up in September, but October seems beyond them.  There’s something not quite right about The Junction Oval Seagulls.

Of the others with a mathematical chance of making The Eight, Melbourne, Richmond, North Melbourne, Footscray & Adelaide, it’s a real toss-up.  North look the most likely on form, but The Tiger Cubs could find their Self Belief and they have a gun full forward, genuine leg speed and one of the best midfields going around.  Porosity in defence continues to cost them dearly.  Glorious Ninth may be their lot once again.

North have gained a ripper in Todd Goldstein.  As mobile as a basketballer and as killed as Roy Wright at the contests, you could build a team around him.  And that’s just what Coach Bradley is doing.  They slumped against Brissy and were stiff against The Swans.  Those two losses could cost them, but they’re devastating when they unleash.

Melbourne need to find some desire for the football as their manager moves onto the card for Coach Most Likely.  The mentor at the top of the leader board is Roquette Eade.  After bringing The Dish Lickers through to their 3^rd 3^rd place in as many years, they caught the worse case of Kennel Cough since Peter Rohde was in charge of The Whitten Oval Kennels.  They failed against The Saints last week and with every match a final from here in it’s not looking good for the Sons of The West.  They play another team fighting for their season this coming weekend and some wag put their coach’s job in the classified of the Addy last Wednesday.  Hugh Wirth has been asked to be on standby at The G for tonight’s game.  (Either way – Ed).

Of the Cellar Dwellers, only The Metermaids escape basket case classification.  The aforementioned weren’t expected to do much, in fact they were widely tipped to go through the season without a victory.  As a measure of the teams with whom they share the Cellar, both their wins have come at the expense of Brisbane & Port Adelaide.  Brisbane have sufferer from poor boardroom and football department decisions as well as some rotten luck.  They look a lot better for the return of their Spiritual and On-field Leader and could trouble a few sides up there under the palms.  The Power’s two wins were against the flow, catching Richmond off guard up in Darwin and a thumping of up-town rivals, The Chardonnays.  Of the two, Brissy is the more likely to be able to offer its Faithful some glimmer of hope for season 2012.

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to be mustard keen in Round XIII.

The Kennel Coughs v The Pride of South Australia.  Crunchtime at Docklands for the FNG*.  It will hold a lot of interest as both Coaches are UTP and the loser can just about book their end of season trip.  The Bagmen have it The Bullies by quite a way, and who are we to argue with such Students of The Game.  Main interest could be in Maggot Rosebury’s Beitzel Medal votes.  The Original Tricolours.  Too strong overall and too desperate.  Plus home ground.

The Hawks v Gen Next down in Lonny tomorrow night.  I hear Little Gazza had to ride his bike up from Hobart Town because of the ash cloud.  Sorry about that Gazza.  I’ll bet it was cold going over the saddle on the Richmond Road too.  But not half as cold it will be when The Depleted Mustard Pots turn off the hot water to the showers at Hawk Park.  The Mayblooms to have a much needed easy one.  Buddy & Riolli to kick a swag between them.  Hawthorn.

The Lions v The Tigers up under the palms.  This is a must win for The Tiges.  They dropped one against Port and had their chances against Sydney.  If they’re going to be taken seriously this season they have to win this one convincingly.  Their weakness has been in defence and without Kelvin Moore and Astbury they look vulnerable against a half handy attack led by J. Brown. The other Browne – the one with the E – holds the key to this match.  If he continues to give his rovers first use of the ball, the likes of Cotchin, Martin, Foley and Co will have too much speed and enthusiasm for The Stuttering Maroons.  Richmond.

The Marshmallows v The Shinboners at The Bottom End of The City at the Traditional Time – Saturday Arvo with a 2.10 ball up.  A genuine Eight Point Game if ever there was one.  North have had a couple of easy wins against Adelaide & The Sunbeams over the last fortnight and may have played themselves into a bit of form.  The Marshmallows on the other hand are coming off an humiliation over in Perth and a long bike ride back across the Nullarbor because of events on the other side of the Pacific.  They’ve wielded the axe out at Whingy Hill, but when you see names like Stanton, Hocking and Lonergan coming in you have to wonder.  Rawlings will cover Hurley and Swallow will balance Watson, after that there’s not much left to Essendon.  The Bagmen favour The Gliders, who have given up on their three pillars policy.  Goldstein to give Bellchambers a bath.  The Bookies have The Norsemen out at $2.25 and although it’s not overly juicy, we feel they have made a gross error of judgement here.  That’s right, The Kangaroos are The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

St Kilda v The Moggies at THOF on the Saturday night.  The Sainters have won three of their last four starts, two against supposedly quality opposition.  Their only loss was a thumping against TRP.  They’re not on their pat malone there, but you’d have expected more of a show if they were really in the hunt this season.  They’ve brought back Montagna and Blake, which doesn’t inspire.  The Handbags have replaced the bewildered Selwood with wing-heeled Wojcinski.  Either The Bagmen know something we haven’t taken into account here in the Wrapcave, or they’ve suffered a brain fade.  With the Bourse in freefall, get as much as you can on The Moggies at $1.25 before they slam the bag.

The Fuchsias v The Barry Crockers on the Paddock That Grew for the early one on Sunday.  The Dees have their backs to the wall.  With only a win against The Gliders over five rounds and a sub-par percentage, oblivion beckons.  If ever Jack Who was going to emulate that other famous BGS alumni, Warwick Capper, now’s the time.  The Stevedores don’t look all that settled, as the dropping of Mundy & Ballantyne suggests, and, unlike a good Margaret River red, they don’t travel all that well.  Barlow is making a difference and Freo have every right to be irked that they aren’t starting at least a Luke warm favourite here.  It would be nice to say that Hearts Will Beat True, but we’re going for The Visitors.  Freo in an entertaining seesawing game.

The Silvertails v The Lakers under cover at the traditional time on Sunday.  But for poor shooting on goal, The Swans should have won on the bit last week against The Tigers.  Two of their key ball grabbers in attack were the main offenders – Goodes & Reid.  Both sides go into this one with pretty much a full list to choose from.  It’s a big one for both sides and the Velvet Fog has the call on Channel Kerry.  The Bloods are blue collar about their Footy, but Carlton are Blue Ribbon.  (I think it’s time you saw a doctor Wrap; That solar exposure appears to be more serious than you think – Ed)  You wouldn’t back them of course, the opposition are a serious outfit, but for the office tipping, it’s The Miseries from us here in the Wraproom.

West Coast v The Chokers over there to finish the round.  Dump the portfolio and get onto The Weagles.  At $1.05 that’s 5% a day on your money.  You wouldn’t get that on Greek bonds and the money’s secure.  West Coast.

The whole football world gets the bye this time around as we don’t have to put up with Joffa and The Blatherskites – a.k.a. The Carringbush Cheer Squad

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

With their season flashing before their eyes, the words of that legendary Australian journalist, Leonard Waldermar Lower, might help those whose Hearts Beat True get through the weekend.

Blood is thicker than water, but then so is soup.

* – Friday Night Game.